Most irritating question ? Tell me about it

dna · 03-07-2006, 04:28 PM

Tell me your experience with whomever family/friend/stranger/noseyparker that really burned yer basket...

Here is mine

I was out for dinner the other week with friends and they brought along another 'friend' of theirs...so we are eating and whatever then oh ya I said something about my DS and of course here it comes

Her "Oh is that the kid you adopted from Romania or wheverever ??"

Me " Um Ukraine yes"

Her " oh ok"

then chatting blah blah I tell my funny about Aerik and his "F" word

Her " are you going to try to have real kids ?"

My face....on the floor I was like 'are you for real' I looked at my other friend for help coz I wasnt sure how to react

Friend ' Oh its ok she is adopted too" (like ok then she should KNOW better, sorry if she had a crappy time with it but thats not any reason to be like that)

Me " oh ya ? um something like that "

Her " oh and what about all those kids in China .. those unwanted kids n stuff"

Me "mmmhmmm" no way at this point am I going to give her anything to work with ...

Who am I .. Gheppetto ?? and my ""kid"" is Pinochio and all I really want is a REAL boy ??

Needless to say I was a little angry.....stupid girl....if you cant think of anything tactful to say...shut your mouth !

Here in type it doesnt sound as bad but she was absolutely crass about it in her tone and everything else...becoz usually I can make it work for me but .. not this time...

GGGRRRRRRRR ....

Next !!

mia_2005 · 03-07-2006, 11:34 PM

Here's mine. I've heard this from a whole bunch of people, but here's the basic idea.

I tell them that we are adopting and they say "You know what will happen now, don't you? As soon as you adopt you'll get pregnant!" And they say it as if I've never heard this before and I'll be just THRILLED to find out that this is how things work.

Oh, and my mom (who is actually very much in favor of the adoption) keeps referring to biological children as "natural" children. I keep trying to tell her that this is not PC, but she always forgets.

so-tired · 03-08-2006, 03:59 AM

"Do you plan on having children of your own?"
GRR! DS is "my own" thank you very much!!

dna · 03-08-2006, 03:19 PM

Hey so-tired ! Your boy is getting so BIG and so Handsome ! Nice to see you

so-tired · 03-08-2006, 09:23 PM

Thanks honey! Nice to see you too! MWAH!

keepinthefaith · 03-08-2006, 10:40 PM

Yeah I too get "are you going to have a child of your own"

I say the exact same thing so-tired.

Fairyflies · 03-08-2006, 11:03 PM

I lurk here on occasion but never post. This was just something I had to respond to though.

Some people will never know the agony of wondering and waiting.
Waiting for their body to cooperate and wondering if it just happens that it does, will the pregnancy stick and what happens if it doesn't?
Waiting for the homestudy to be done, fostercare to be approved, adoption paperwork to be finalized, and then wondering what happens next.
It amazes me how insensitive folks can be to make comments such as the one that DNA dealt with. "Real kids" indeed.
As someone who was in a step-parenting situation for a very long time, I well remember the hurt of being told I wasn't a "real Mommy" or that my stepson wasn't my "real son". The sting still hasn't gone away. Every woman here has gone through a struggle. Whether it was deciding not to TTC, or suffering miscarriages, or going through the rigors of homestudies and adoption paperwork.

Every child is very real, whether biological or not makes no difference. The needs are still the same. Love, attention, quality time, comfort, the list goes on.

I'm getting off my soapbox now. It just peeved me that someone made such a thoughtless comment.

Congratulations on your beautiful children, no matter where they came from!

dna · 03-08-2006, 11:58 PM

Thanks fairyflies

That was really nice of you to say .. its true ..

I guess we/I need to understand some people who arent in the adoption / step parent / fostering community dont understand fully what we are going thru ...but really I think they should have more common sense than that woman !

I guess thats what I get for thinking ! LOL

{{{ hugs }}}

Calantha · 03-09-2006, 01:30 AM

My pet peeve is still "How's his English coming along?" DS wasn't speaking at ALL when we met him, but he was understanding English in a matter of DAYS. He has speech problems, but probably understands English better than some of the people asking the question!
The other one that drives me nuts is "Don't they kill all the girl babies in China?" If they did, where exactly would they get future babies from? Morons.

SABTeacher · 03-09-2006, 04:22 AM

We have mentioned to some friends/family that we are considering international adoption. When asked from where, we've responded that we are not sure but looking into programs in China, Korea, and Ethiopia. Here are some of the brilliant ones we've gotten:

1) why don't you adopt from a place where the kid will look more like you?
2) Have you thought about the difficulties of raising a child of another race (duh! no, we're idiots)
4) I feel so bad that you won't be able to have your "own" !!

WTH???????

Shari

tariana · 03-09-2006, 07:03 AM

Well, we really haven't told too many people about our plans yet, because as of yet our plans aren't definite (we WILL be starting the adoption process soon, but we are still checking out agencies) but I guess I have a lot of stupid comments to look forward to, if y'all are any indication. Oh, great.

dna · 03-09-2006, 01:57 PM

Hi Kati

Congrats on your decision ! Dont worry really its not all consuming to my day what other people say..its just nice to be able to dump it somewhere and move on

At the end of the day its me, my DH and my son together and thats all that matters

tariana · 03-09-2006, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dna

Hi Kati

Congrats on your decision ! Dont worry really its not all consuming to my day what other people say..its just nice to be able to dump it somewhere and move on

At the end of the day its me, my DH and my son together and thats all that matters

Hi!

Well, obviously what other people think isn't the important thing here, no.

But it does sound like we will have to find responses to at least a few dumb questions.

Hopefully I can find tactful answers.

Kaelinsmom · 03-09-2006, 07:05 PM

Forget the tacktful answers Just tell them to shove it!!! LOL

I've never had anyone to say anything right to my face but we get the things (especially from my dh's family) where they just "forget" we have a child. Like my BIL past away in Nov and in his obituary they listed all of his brothers and sister and their children but when it came to us they listed me and my dh and didn't list Kaelin. That's just typical of them. When asked about Kaelin, we were told they just forgot. They never come to her birthday parties or anything. It's like she doesn't exist to them!! It really hurts my dh.

And it must just be something about her b/c her older sister was adopted by my MIL and she is NEVER left out.

Mindijean · 03-09-2006, 07:18 PM

We're foster parents as well as hopeful adoptive parents. Twice I've heard from "friends" ~ "Why do you want to take on someone else's problem?" Nice.