I never, ever know if I'm posting in the proper place. Please forgive me if I'm not.
I suppose I just need some reassurance and/or advice. Tonight I broke up with my live-in boyfriend of 6 years. It has long been coming and I just finally mustered up the courage to do it. I truly care about him and want nothing but the best for him but just feel we no longer fit together as a pair.
I'm very, very family oriented. My family is the most important thing I have. He is the total opposite and rarely speaks to his family. He refuses to come around my family, hasn't spoken to my mother in about two years. I tried to pretend for a while that it didn't bother me; as long as he didn't prevent me from seeing my family, what did it matter?
He has no real desire to have a social life. Don't get me wrong - it's fine to spend nights in and just relax. He's totally content to do that every single day. We don't even really have the same interests if we were to go out. If i suggest something to do his excuse is that we "never have the money".
On top of all that - he has no desire to be intimate. We haven't had sex in about 9 months, we haven't even fooled around. He won't even kiss me but still asks me to go down on him (sorry, TMI!). I just don't get it!!!!
Here I sit writing just a few of the issues I have with our relationship but, somehow I'm still feeling guilty. I had him move to a town far away from his hometown which he didn't want to come to. We share a car (in my name) and he is totally dependent on me to get him to and from work. He can't afford our place on his own but even if he could - he has no car. He has no where to go if he were to move back to his hometown. I've left him completely screwed.
I tried to be an adult tonight, saying I'd stay on the couch, get him to and from work, help with the expenses, etc until he figured out what to do. He just wanted to argue and spew insults and ignorant things so I left.
Am I a horrible person? What do I do?
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You're not a horrible person at all-- you're doing what's right for you. You can't spend your life with someone who's dragging you down, and pretty much a free-loader. I know he has a job, but in 6 years, he could've gotten his own car, and become independent while in the relationship.
I know you feel bad for him, but truly, you've done what's best.
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February 4th, 2009
6:12pm, 7lbs 21 inches
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You're not a horrible person at all-- you're doing what's right for you. You can't spend your life with someone who's dragging you down, and pretty much a free-loader. I know he has a job, but in 6 years, he could've gotten his own car, and become independent while in the relationship.
I know you feel bad for him, but truly, you've done what's best.
I completely agree with her!! Best of luck to you, sweetie!
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Taking: 500mg Metformin; Vitex
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It sounds to me like you've handled the situation as well as possible. It must have taken an amazing amount of strength to make that decision and follow through with it. If you know that this is what you want, stay strong and don't let him guilt you into taking him back just because you feel bad for hurting him. He's attacking you because he is hurting. Don't take it personally, because he isn't thinking about what he's saying. He's just saying things to make himself feel better.
Yeah he is just hurt and upset right now. Don't pay any attention to what negative stuff that comes out of his mouth. I know it sounds harsh to say this but there are shelters he could go stay at until he finds his own place. I left an abusive relationship once and had to stay in a shelter. I mean it isn't that bad and it happens. He is an adult. He can take care of himself. The best thing you can do for him is make him stand on his own two feet for a change. I was totally dependent upon the person I was in a relationship with and he was abusive and I had a child. I never thought I could take care of myself. I had to make some hard decisions but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I walked away with no plan in place. If I can do it so can he. In the end he will be happier being independent. Trust me on this one.
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Kari Mommie of 13yr old boy & 5yr old girl
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I think your ex bf is mad at hisself, because he didnt "man up" and get the things he needs, now he doesnt have anything and you dont want him. I had a relationship like that about 5 yrs ago. .....It is good for you to be big about it, but it is more important, that you keep your stuff (i.e. car, house/apt). If you keep giving into him, he will continue to to use you. He seems like a Deadbeat. What clinched it for me, is when he wants you to keep "going down on him", but he doesnt kiss you. Wow!!! It even sounds like he might have someone else, and doesnt want to give you up, cause the other person, isnt willing to take care of him.
Please consider all possibilies and put him out. Dont let this guy to continue to use you. Dont feel guilty for a bum, that WON'T help hisself.
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Sunny (36) & Scott (39)
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He literally sounds like a dead weight in your life, and I'm sorry, but no one can wake him up except him. Also, you are not helping him by enabling irresponsible behavior.
Of course this is always easier to say from outside the relationship...
I agree with others, I think you have handled it sensitively and maturely. Sure, he's hurt, but he really should have made more of an effort to keep you happy. I have had a bf like that and it totally dragged me down, and yes I felt soooooooo guilty when I finished with him. The bottom line is, you cannot be a slave to somebody who doesn't make you feel loved, respected or understood! You have done the right thing. Just keep strong and civil, and ignore what he says.
In terms of moving on...well, it is very difficult but worth it. You learn so much about yourself, regain a sparkle and a confidence that you had previously lost, meet new people, go to new places. It is a wonderful moment when you think "I'm single! And happy to depend only on myself!!"
I would advise you to try your best to divide your stuff etc, and then just get on with your life. He is NOT your responsibilty. He will find his way - if he can be bothered.
You, on the other hand, have so much more to give, and plenty of good to receive!
You're not a horrible person at all-- you're doing what's right for you. You can't spend your life with someone who's dragging you down, and pretty much a free-loader. I know he has a job, but in 6 years, he could've gotten his own car, and become independent while in the relationship.
I know you feel bad for him, but truly, you've done what's best.
I completly agree , you feel thats its no longer working which by what you've put i dont blame you really, i would of done the same, at the end of the day hes big enough to stand on his own to feet, and what you have said that you'd sleep on couch etc.... is a good thing to say and he just wanted to turn it into a arguement and proberky blame everything on you. I hope you manage to get things striaght at the end of the day youve done the best that you can. Everyone deserves to be happy and it doesnt seem that you are.
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Leeanne(24) Michael (26)
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Moving on 
