What would you do if your best friend had PCOS and her doctor didn't know it, and she didn't know who to believe?
I have a friend, Betty, who I'm convinced has PCOS. Her AF skips at least every other month (60+ days apart), and it's been worse in the past where AF almost never visited. She has coarse facial hair, acne, dandruff, skin-tags, and tummy fat. By medical standards, she is obese, barely. AF has been irregular her whole life. As a teen, her doctors put her on BCPs for the missed AF. She vaguely recalls her doctors using the term "polycystic". Betty got tired of taking the BCPs, didn't like the side effects, and she didn't care if she had AF or not (it was her parents who were concerned), so she quit taking the BCPs after a few months. She is now 30 years old.
I suggested to her that she has PCOS and explained what it is. I was very happy that she decided to see her doctor about it. She was hoping he would prescribe Metformin. The doctor ordered an ultrasound which showed she had no cysts. So, her doctor told her that she did not have PCOS. Most of her blood tests were "normal", with high triglycerides, and T at the top of the "normal" range. Bloodsugar was normal, but insulin and IR were not tested. Oddly, her doctor was still willing to let her take Metformin. But, after hearing she did not have PCOS, Betty didn't know what to do, so did nothing.
Betty has since given up on being treated for PCOS. I've expressed why I think her doctor was wrong, but she has lost enthusiasm for the idea. It's as if she feels, "well, I tried, and it wasn't meant to be." She's not interested in talking about it anymore.
Betty is very frustrated with dating. She has not had a steady boyfriend since high school. She is very depressed in general and is on Effexor (it's working so-so). At the same time, she's not doing anything to treat any of her PCOS symptoms. She's not even using any otc acne treatments. She puts makeup over it. And she shaves the hair. I don't understand how she can look in the mirror and not be motivated to do more - to try something, anything. There seems to be a deeper problem here. I don't know what it is, but it's sad.
Interestingly, she exercises a lot - at least 2 hours every day, sometimes 3 or 4 hours. She has been doing this for years because it makes her feel better. I don't think her diet is too bad either. She has cut out the higher glycemic carbs. So, it's amazing that someone who exercises as much as she does, with her diet, can have so much tummy fat. The fat is clearly not going away with exercise alone.
I feel so bad for her. I feel that PCOS is ruining the best years of her life. I wish she could see what seems so clear to me. I hate to give up, but at this point, I don't know what else I can do to help. It's very frustrating. I welcome any reaction or advice.
hmmm ........ could you get your friend to see your dr? Or could you show her here? Then she can see things for herself - or else could you read bits out to her? Not sure what else to say. Hope someone else has lots of suggestions.
eva
I had to drag my Mom into my doc to get tested for IR. Some people just want to be left in the dark then be miserable when they get worse. A lady I knew had a full hyster after years of major cyst problems. I don't think her doc ever spoke to her about PCOS. Now I think she knows she has it, but I don't know if she has a good doc. Three of my cousins have symptoms similar to PCOS, but none are being tested or treated for PCOS. It's frustrating when you know someone could be helped by a good doc, but won't seek treatment.
Thanks.... I guess I'm not the only one here who has experienced this.
Having Betty see my doc would be great, but we don't live close enough. Betty lives in the west suburbs of Chicago, west of Naperville. I did a little looking for a doc, and found a couple in Chicago, but I'm afraid she doesn't want to drive that far.
Somewhere I think I read that on average those with PCOS have to see 5 doctors before they get a correct diagnosis.
It would be great to have before and after pictures of women who are successfully treating their PCOS, and what they are doing. I've seen some here, but it would be nice to have them in one place. I looked at PCOStories.com, but there's not much there.
I'm wondering if it's something that should be discussed during a therapy session. She may be afraid of dealing with the PCOS symptoms, because she wouldn't have them to hide behind anymore. My guess is there is something deeper here. But, unless Betty decides to uncover it, there's not much you can do. I would try talking to her again and possibly make a phone call to her therapist and voice your concerns, about her possibly having PCOS and that may have an effect on her mood disorder. Tell this person what you've told us. Maybe he/she can help convince Betty to get another opinion or to get further testing.
BTW, you're a great friend to take such an interest!
__________________ Gina
Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
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Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
I think you've done what a good friend would do. I would leave it at that. If she decides to do something about it, that needs to be her choice and you should let her make the next move.
As someone who lived many years struggling with weight and acne and other things, having people badgering me and telling me they had *the thing* to help me... didn't help me. It may help some people, everyone's personality is different. But for me, people trying to help just made me feel more helpless and pathetic. I had to find my own way, my own motivation to tackle the problems.
I am in a similar situation as you with a girl friend. I don't necessarily know or think she has pcos, but I do think I have some answers to problems she is facing. But she is not ready to hear it, so I just have to bide my time, and bite my tongue.
__________________ Chel (36) dx 11/2002 blog.myspace.com/deu316 married 2-17-07 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. to mr. b 220/163.5/140
I just started to go back to school and I met someone that has PCOS and has never had a dx and when I told her my problems she said I have thoes but that was the end of it. Sometimes we dont realize that not doing something is worse then not getting an answer that we need when we do. Have her join us on here and tell her that at least she would have a support group to talk to about some of the problems she is facing. Maybe just talking about it with people that have and are dealing with it will help. Even if she wont go see a doc she will be educated when she makes the choice. This may be a group for women with PCOS but it is also a place that you are able to talk about problems that you are going through without judgement. It is alot eaiser to talk to people on here then in person. Make sure that she doesent feel like she is being judged, tell her that you care and just want her to feel better about herself.
Hope she will join us and that maybe someday she will feel better about herself and want to get PCOS under control.
__________________ Heather
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It occurred to me that your friend might be afraid to see a doctor for more help because so many have negative attitudes towards people of size. I still don't like seeing doctors, because they'd even blame the 'flu on my weight and refuse to treat the problem I actually wanted to see them about.
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My best friend Betty... 
