My bittersweet pregnancy story...read with caution!

janell · 10-02-2002, 04:34 AM

Hello ladies it has been so long since I was able to connect with you all - so much has happened! The last time I was here was May 13! This is my story of our problem pregnancy - please take caution when reading if you are easily discouraged about being pregnant. Dh and I tried for 3 yrs to get pg- with no luck. We took clomid and got pg on the first round of 50mg! We were so excited! We then learned we were to have twins! A boy and a girl! I was posting all of these things here at the time they took place. My due date was set at Sept 21- but we expected to come early. Everything was going great- except for the awful morning sickness I had - all day long- you guys gave great advice and support here as well. I was at 20 weeks and a few days when it all fell apart. It was a Friday night when I first noticed a few drops of wetness in my underwear- I got out my books and read that somtimes women leak tiny amounts of urine while pg. Sat and Sun were the same sometimes I could feel a wetness sometimes not- by Monday morning it was a litte heavier so I called my dr he said come in and he would see me right away- so my mom and I drove the 45 to the dr. He was going to do an exam- he began to inset the speculum and he stopped and said I can see your membranes bulging. He said he wanted me at the hospital immediately - he said it would be faster in my own car than an ambulance- we were only a block from the hospital. When I got to the er there was a nurse waiting in the parking lot for me with a wheel chair- we flew to labor and delivery where there were a team of nurses waiting in a whirl wind they had me hooked to ivs and monitors - my head was lowered as low as it would go - I was practically standing on my head. They were hoping that the membranes would go back up. I stayed this way for 3 days. On day 3 I woke up in the middle of the night and felt a weird sensation - my water had broke- I lost my baby girl. She just slid right out- never a pain or contraction or a push-nothing. I was only 21 weeks to the day- she was far too tiny to save. We held her - she lived for 3 hours. We named her Samantha Belle. She weighed only 10 ounces and was 9 1/2 inches long.The date was May 16. They thought our little boy would follow- but he didn't. When I was 23 and 4 days they rushed me to a much larger hospital to have a cercloge (sp?) it is a surgical procedure to stitch the cervix closed. There was a good chance of this causing me to loose him during the procedure- but it worked. So I was still in the hospital still on bed rest - I wasn't even allowed up to use the restroom - I had to use the bed pan. I went in to labor several times where they had to take me to l&d and give me a med called magnesium to stop the labor- it was terrible I would get so sick and throw up so much. Then they decided to put a small plastic needle port type thing in my thigh that would give me a continous small dose of a labor stopping med. It worked for a while. I was now able to atleast get up and use the bathroom and they allowed me a shower- after 3 weeks of not ever being out of bed and only a few sponge baths it was the best shower I had ever felt! But the meds no longer worked my labor had grown "immune" to the meds- the dr decided my body had had enough. So when I was only 24 weeks and 4 days the stiches were removed and our baby boy came only 30 minutes later.The date was June 6 at 7:29 am. We named him Shawn Calvin. He weighed only 1 lb 2 ounces. He was 12 1/4 inches long. He was given only a 50/50 chance or survival. We were terrified! We chose for them to do everything possible - until the baby is 25 weeks it is the parents choice if they want any intervention or live saving help. After 27 days in the hospital I was released. Our baby boy is now alomst 4 months old on the 6th he will be. He weighes 6 lbs 15 oz and is 18 3/4inches long. He is still in the hospital but is doing well. I go see him everyday-it is about 1 1/2 hours from my house - but I have yet to miss a day. We have had terrible days when we weren't sure if he would make it and we have had wonderful days! I get to hold hi everyday- and I have been able to breast feed him once. He is so beautiful! We are still not sure of when he will be able to come home- but we know he will. The dr told me today "soon".I am so sad we have lost our baby girl and that he lost his twin- but we are so very thankful for him. I wasn't able to go to Samantha's funeral I was still in the hospital but we have chosen a pink granite heart headstone for her that says on the bottom " Now I lay me down to sleep" and that is how I will always remember her- peacefully asleep. I know this was long - thank you so much for giving this time and place to share - it is such a help to me. Our lives will never be the same - we can only continue to thank God for our miracle baby boy! I could write so much more- there are so many details I would love to share - but I will stop at this for now. Thanks again.

MaLee · 10-02-2002, 04:40 AM

Hello, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for your lost of your little girl. Also, I am glad your son has made it and is doing good. I pray he continues to fight and that you get to bring him home soon. Also, welcome back to Soul Cysters.

jojo · 10-02-2002, 07:12 PM

Tina,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I am glad to hear your baby boy is getting better and stronger everyday. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Joanne

babybokal · 10-02-2002, 08:49 PM

I'm so sorry about Samantha, it's so painful when a child dies. Shawn must be such a blessing to you, it really is a bittersweet story. In every stormcloud there is a silver lining...((((((hugs))))))

missinnocence · 10-02-2002, 09:08 PM

Thank you for having the courage to share your story. I am sorry for your loss and happy that you still have one precious baby to hold on to. It must have been so difficult. Well wishes for the rest of your baby's stay at the hospital. It will get better.

bakergirljennie · 10-04-2002, 10:08 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you and your dh feel. Just know that little baby is smiling down on her little brother and protecting him.

happyface282001 · 10-06-2002, 12:06 AM

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your little girl. They would have had to put me away. You are such strong woman and I really admire that. I lost a baby and I was only about 2 weeks pregnant and I really had a rough time with that even. I am so happy to hear that your baby boy is still here with you and that he is doing well. I will pray that he continues to get stronger and stronger everyday and that very very soon that you will be able to take him home.
In Christ's Love and Grace,
Kristi