My dreams, my struggle, my pain

By Victoria H

At times it hurts to even breathe,
I try to hide the pain beneath.
This disease I have, it hurts me so.
But I try to not let, my true feelings show.

So many things are wrong with me.
Why can't this disease just let me be?
What have I done to deserve this?
Why am I denied such total bliss?

I know I am blessed,
To have a husband above the rest.
Who loves me no matter what,
Even when I am a total nut.

But this pain inside won't go away,
Instead its there day after day.
PCOS is to blame,
All it does is hurt and maime.

A dream I've had for many years,
Is now riddled with lots of fears.
To hold our child to my chest,
And know that we will do our best.

That is the dream I truely want,
But this fear continues to haunt.
That we may never hear our childs cry.
Or hear them in their sleep sigh.

Two precious words, that bring such cheer.
Mommy and Daddy, we may never hear.
May never hold a tiny hand,
To help them learn, to walk and stand.

Stolen kisses, and tickle fights.
Tiptoes in the stormy nights.
Scaring the monsters from beneath the bed,
Not doing this is what I dread.

We continue on this journey, side by side.
And preparing for a long, hard ride.
We never know when it may end.
Or if God, a baby he will send

What I do know,
Is that at times our faith will be low.
But we will pick up one another,
And will always be there for each other.

My pain will never go away,
It will always be here to stay.
But with the love of my husband,
My heart will slowly mend.

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#4-O-cd 14-15-BFP 15 DPO on 12/14/08-

M/C at 6 weeks

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