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Old 11-12-2006, 11:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy My Grandfather

Hi.
I thought this would probably be the proper place to post this cause I am depressed. Thought it's not from medication or any drama or stress in my life, it's from the loss of someone special in my life. My grandfather passed away on Nov 6th 2006. He was diagnosed w/ prostate cancer in Sept 06, had it removed and the doctors said he would die of natural causes before any cancer would return.. they were wrong. In the Beginning of Oct my step-father took him to get an MRI after complints of his back hurting and numbness in his legs and they found he had cancer wrapped around his spinal cord and in his lungs.
My grandfather loved all us grandchildren and thought I only had a very short time with him I have come to chrish the memories that I have of him.
My mind is wrapped with guilt for being a typical grandchild who is not fond of visiting their grandparents, thought they only lived and hour and half away. This man thought me to ride a bike when I was 5, shared special jokes me with and always made me smile. But my own selffish ways prevented me from seeing that.
When I heard he was sick I broke down and spent every possible saturday I could with him in the nursing home, watching him cry from pain, or telling me to stay closer to God. I only got to be with him 5 times before his body just gave up.
This weekend we buried himin his hometown of Vermont. I tried to be the rock for my mothe rand sister and my poor father who had lost his dad. But broke down sobbing when I heard my grandmother sobbingly say 57 years Oliver, we had the world. My poor grandmother, the pain she is facing, of having to go on with out her compainion, the man she shared a life with for 57 years.
I hurt for everyone, I hurt formyself.
After everyone had left the cementary I wept at his site and told him I was sorry for not visiting as much as I should have.
It's truly written you never know what you have loved until it's to late and lost them.
I pray my grandfather knows I love him, I pray for his forgivness.
My mother told me later one my Step-father had buried his father with apicture of me and my sister in his pocket so he'll always have us close to his heart.
I love my grandfather, and I will miss him everyday.
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Old 11-13-2006, 12:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Amyejean....

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose someone very close to your heart. Your Grandfather knew how much you loved him, I'm sure. I am also guilty of not visiting my relatives as much as I should. I think we all have busy lives that we sometimes forget to make time for family and ourselves. I'm also sure he heard your cries for forgivness and he does forgive you. I was only 3 when one of my grandfathers passed away (we were so close) and I still remember everything about him and my Grandmother buried him with a picture of me, my brother and my 2 cousins in his pocket for the same reasons. We were the only grandchildren at the time. Now there are 11 grand and seven great grandchildren.

I guess what I am trying to say is that Grandparents are special people who know how much we love them even if we don't visit as often as we should. Please don't beat yourself up about this. We all do it.
I wish you peace and may time heal your pain. Remember all the good times and memories...that is what helps me.

God Bless you and your family and may your Grandfather Rest In Peace.

(((HUGS)))


Julie
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