My heart is aching

surprise · 03-24-2005, 11:53 PM

I have not been here for a while. And it looks like some of my info is missing. But I have had a number of different names (KGJacob, surprise and surprise +) as I have had log in troubles. Let me refresh your memory: started Guatemala adoption, thought it was going to fall through, got pregnant, and then got both kids within 3 weeks of each other.

Anyway, here is my current heart-break. For whatever reason, I found out that my adoption agency has a little girl that no one wants for adoption. She has some minor medical problems and, in fact, I am a doctor for just the problems she has. She is from the same country that my son is from.

I so badly want to bring her into my family, but I don't know if that is a true desire or just a quick gut reaction. I don't know if we could really handle three babies/toddlers all 12 mos apart. And my husband, though pulling at his heartstrings too, thinks the burden of three that close together could be too much.

I feel like I was lead to know about this baby for a reason. Was it to bring into my family or was it to be a resource for the family that is right for her. I don't know and am not sure how to find out that answer. Hopefully some prayer over the weekend will bring in some answers.

Just thought I would post and see if anyone has thoughts or been in similar situations.

*pEaNuT* · 03-25-2005, 12:24 AM

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. ((((HUGS)))).

Pamela · 03-25-2005, 10:58 PM

Kelly, I remember you!!!!
It is a heartbreaker!!!
I will prauy for you and your family and the situation!!!!!!
Pam

Miss-Meme · 03-25-2005, 11:39 PM

Your in my prayers!

In your heart you will know.

Kotzurk · 03-25-2005, 11:50 PM

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know what you and DH decide.

God will lead you to do what is right!

Lisa67 · 03-26-2005, 01:08 AM

That's a really tough decision but you need to do what you think and feel is best for your family. I know for me--I'd be pulled to adopt the little girl too, so I'm not much help!

Best of luck and please do keep us updated on what you decide. My thoughts are with you all!

georgy · 03-26-2005, 07:55 AM

hi,

My thoughts are with you......I would probably choose to take the wee girl too, but its your decision obviously, and you need to live with it.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

surprise · 03-26-2005, 02:33 PM

Well, no decision yet, but thank you for all the well wishes.

I bought a lottery ticket last night. Hoping that, if we won, we could afford a nanny to help out. We didn't win but I have a ticket for tonight too. Keeping my fingers crossed.

We'll sure keep you informed.

dna · 03-27-2005, 10:08 PM

Kelly welcome back ! You have a tough decision to make there...If I were in your shoes I would really have to weigh the pros and cons and be realistic about it...you have two children close in age will they be going to college at the same time will they want to be in all the same sports etc...

then I would say BUT she needs a home and can we make it happen ? Do you have support in your community to help out with clothes and things ?

I will be thinking about you

Amy

Slugfest · 03-29-2005, 12:33 AM

Hi! I just wanted to encourage you that it is possible, and nothing is greater then welcoming a third little one to the bunch, be it planned or unplanned. My mother had 3 children essentially back-back, they are each 11 months apart, it was busy, but it was and can be done. Let us know what you decide! Your in my prayers, as are your little ones.

surprise · 03-29-2005, 11:50 PM

Well, we didn't win the lottery. I was just so sure we would. We are getting a new medical report and talking to the agency tomorrow. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Slugfest...it is weird that you wrote that. My mother has a friend that said that she had three children and, when they were adults, the youngest fessed up that she always felt left out and somewhat unwanted. Even little things like she had to sit in the kitchen chair that didn't match the rest of the chairs and had to go in the back row of the station wagon, etc. I would never want that.

And, oh my dna...I never thought about three colleges all at once. If you think about it, I have already been paying for my first two for ten years. Ten years of infertility and doctors and tests and meds and procedures. THen the cost of adoption, and then childbirth and now you are tossing in college costs. Uggh! Where is that darn winning lottery ticket when you need it?!

Thanks again everyone. It is good to be back.

Slugfest · 03-30-2005, 12:31 AM

Well, we actually have 6 kids, Im the oldest and the 3 that are close together are the younger 3. There will always be a older/middle/younger child syndrome. In our family its the middle child who sometimes feels left out, the baby, Ben is the most spoiled. But hes not such a baby anymore, He's 8. There is nothing greater in my opinion that having a family with lots of kids, I might not have liked it when I was growing up, but looking back, I wouldnt trade it for anything.

The reality of having them in college at once is that you have the next 16-17 years to plan and save, there are lots of college funds and such to help also. IMHO, not giving a child a healthy, happy home bc of a future expense is not really the greatest reason. I dont mean to offend you at all, I wish I was in the position to help you, I happen to be a nanny.

KAnde · 03-30-2005, 03:14 PM

oh this is soo tough...I think you need to look at the medical reports again and then sit down with DH and figure out if you can do it or not. Mini vans have many different seating arrangements so you could just change them around often so to make everyone feel the same...and the same thing for the kitchen chairs...LOL