Thursday, I tripped in a parking lot while rushing into a chinese restaurant. I called my doctor once I got back to the office. The nurse told me not to fret unless I got severe cramps or started bleeding. About 1 hour after that, the bleeding started *hard*.
I rushed to the doctor's office, crying and blaming myself the entire way. Tom met me at the doctor's, and he was as much of a mess as I was.
After 30 minutes of waiting for the ultrasound room to open up, we got in there to discover that the doctor could not see a heartbeat. The fetus was also measuring 2 weeks younger than it should have been. The doctor says that the fall was not the reason I miscarried - just an awful coincidence.
Friday AM, Tom and I got another ultrasound (with a newer/better machine) - no heartbeat.
A D&C was performed at 2:15 PM on Friday.
--------------
On Saturday, Tom and I went out and bought a tree to plant in our front yard.
We now have a gorgeous, 5 foot tall magnolia tree that is honor of "Flipper". This afternoon, we're making a stepping stone to be placed under the tree.
It sucks so hard that there are no rituals to help people through this time. That's why we're making our own.
It's a horribly private time that just feeds on the despair of those going through it. Tom and I just feel so out of step with everything going on around us. Today, I went to pick up some cards to send to those people who have sent us flowers or food - these cards were located right next to the baby announcement cards. I barely kept it together til I could get out of the store.
I feel so unhinged right now. I can't control how I'm responding to things for the most part. I am taking Darvocet to control the pain, and allergy meds to control the pollen attacking my house...but nothing to help me figure out how to move forward another step.
I thank you all for being my friends. I hope that I can provide you with the comfort and love you have shown us.
Unfortunately, we all know what you are going through. It is good that you have found some way to remember you baby. Time is really the only thing that will help you heal, just know that we are all here for you whenever you need to talk.
I went through a similar experience in November, getting through the holidays was the worst. But a few months later, I am focused on starting over and trying again.
Take your time to grieve and heal. It will get better.
Heather, I am so sorry. It;s very touching to read about the tree you planted. These rituals really are helpful for healing, I find. I did no rituals with the first m/c, but lots with the 2nd and it has helped me a lot to know that I did something special to show love for my little one. Your little one knows how much you and DH love him/her, I am sure. One day you will make a great mom. Hang in there and feel free to scream, vent, cry here. We all know how it feels. ((((hugs))))
__________________ me (38) DH (40)
Prenatals, BA, synthroid
3 m/c's - 11/5/02, 2/28/03 (Henry), 12/17/03
Liam born 2/28/05 - our pride and joy!
BFing and ttc #2
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I never like to see new faces here. We are all here for you. It was an awful coincidence to have that fall, but probably for the best, at least now you know and don't go weeks or even a month before the m/c was discovered.
Heather,
I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your little one. My heart hurts for you........that feeling of emptiness and despair is one I have known too.
What a beautiful idea to plant a tree in memory of Flipper (cute name too). I agree with you.......society deals so poorly with loss generally, let alone the loss of our little ones who don't make it here. You be proud of your beautiful ritual and grieve for your baby as you see fit...........and know that we are here to support you whenever you need us.
Keeping you and your dh in my prayers.
Take Care
I had to go to the ER last night, due to excessive cramping and bleeding. I couldn't sit or lay down without crying (only walking kept the cramps slightly at bay).
After 6 hours of IV fluids, demerol, and ultrasounds (which hurt so bad), they sent me home after using the cruel words "We believe we have gotten all the 'products of conception' out."
Heather,
My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
I am glad that you found this group of ladies on this board. They are great and will help.
Take care of yourself and know that you did not suffer alone.
take care
Sheila
__________________ Sheila (3? and holding)
DH David (of 14 years)
1st miracle baby Jordan Paul
November 25, 1992
1st Angel Baby ( 10 wks)
January 3 2002
2nd miracle baby David Gabriel (18 wks 4 days) September 13 2002 Back to TTC
back on met 1500mg yea!
~~Life is about change; Every thing evolves and changes. . . minds, souls and bodies; If you believe that you are not changing then you must be dead! Change is good embrace it and live~~
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I too absolutely HATE that term - along with "missed abortion". They really need to change the termanology. I am hoping you have stopped hurting by now.
__________________
Sarah (24) DH Mike (25)
1st M/C 08-02-02 CMP To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Now on Paxil 37.5, Avandia 8mg, and 1500mg XR
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My heart is broken... 
It;s very touching to read about the tree you planted. These rituals really are helpful for healing, I find. I did no rituals with the first m/c, but lots with the 2nd and it has helped me a lot to know that I did something special to show love for my little one. Your little one knows how much you and DH love him/her, I am sure. One day you will make a great mom. Hang in there and feel free to scream, vent, cry here. We all know how it feels. ((((hugs))))
