My husband might be deployed......

TxLily · 09-23-2002, 02:42 PM

Well I just spent half of last night bawling and bawling. My husband got news today that he might be deployed. I know there will be those that will say "well you shouldve known that he could be deployed someday", well those people can kiss my ass, in the back of my mind I might have "known" but really we never dreamt he would be, because of the job he does. Now with all this crap about Iraq its looking like he might. I am so filled with anger right now I feel like im going to burst. He is my best friend and I cant imagine life without him, ive got all these images running thru my mind, images of him being hurt or killed, he could be deployed up to 6 months, he went away to a school for 2 months and I really thought I was going to lose it, it was a very very rough time for me, I went into a really deep depression and it was after this time that I started to get so sick, that well over a year ago...about a year and a half ago, and im still dealing with all this sickness, right after he got back is when I found out about my high blood pressure, I am so worried, I cant believe this is happening. To those women who have dealt with this before I just dont know how you do it. How the hell do you deal with your husband being so far away and not being able to talk to him every day, this sucks!! I find myself hating everyone, I had horrible nightmares last night. I do this, im not even for sure that he is going but im freaking out already. If there are any military wives who read this, please tell me what you do to stay sane. Im losing it fast.

PaulaMc · 09-23-2002, 02:56 PM

Hi. I'm not a military wife, but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. I really hope it doesn't come down to your dh being deployed!

Also -- yeah, you may have known this might happen, but I'm sure it doesn't make it any easier!

Just try to keep your spirits up and spend as much time as you can with your dh now. If/When he has to leave, remember that we are always here for you!!

DianeJ · 09-23-2002, 04:53 PM

Oh, TXLily {{{{HUGS}}}}

I know what you're going through hon. And it doesn't help even when you know their schedule; it's hard whenever they're gone. I've been dealing with it for 14 years (US Navy) - and it doesn't get any easier. You need to keep busy. Do a lot of letter writing and try not to let all the worry and depression you're feeling show in it, for their sake. I mean, you can let him know you miss him and you're kind of blue, but try not to worry him. Get involved in a wives' club. They'll also be your best source of information. And you'll be with others going through the same thing. If you're religious, get involved with a church. It's sure nice having a bunch of people praying for your guy!

Take some time for 'you'. Go back to school. Join a gym. Anything to keep the panic at bay. You CAN get through it, and he WILL be fine. Have faith. See a counselor at the military facility you're at if you need to; they'll have more experience with separation issues than a civilian one would.

Please feel free to email me. DJones_11@yahoo.com

I'll be hoping and praying that he won't have to go. If he does have to, try not to spend the time from now until then in tears. Enjoy all the time you DO have right now. Plenty of time for tears later, unfortunately.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

Lisa67 · 09-23-2002, 04:55 PM

Aw...sweetie...I'm sorry you're going through this! You are soooo right when you say that people don't understand. I can say I understand how you're feeling, but that's probably not totally true. We all handle deployments (or possiblity of them) differently. My DH is currently on active duty in the Army National Guard.

He was sent to Saudi during Desert Shield/Storm, but back then he was in the regular Army on active duty. He was gone for 7 months and I certainly won't tell you it was an easy time. It was long ago so much of that heartache is gone, but I still get anxious when I think of it and I still get worried that he may deploy again--even though he tells me it won't happen. I moved home from the Texas because I wanted to be with my family. That kind of helped ease some of my loneliness. It was hard, though, because everyone tried to keep me TOOOO busy even when I just wanted to cry. No one can understand how a military spouse is feeling, even if they think they can!

DH was in Field Artillery back in D/S so he was in the front lines. Not a good place to be, and he didn't see very many pleasantries, but thankfully he came back safe & sound.

Now he's Comptroller for our state National Guard so there probably is a lesser chance of him being sent away (tho I always wonder if he'll be re-activated into the Field Artillery for wartime?!

).

I just wanted to let you know I "sort of" know where you are coming from--it's a scary time in our world today and I'm sorry you are having to worry about deployment. Please let me know if you just need a shoulder/ear to lean on. Please feel free to email or IM/PM me at anytime.

Take care, cyster! ((((((((TXLILY))))))))

CTCyster · 09-23-2002, 05:06 PM

TxLily,

Well, you know I am not a military wife

I just wanted to let you know that even thought I can only imagine the stress you are under right now, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless you and your DH!

*Aimee*

Cindy B · 09-23-2002, 10:13 PM

Tx Lilly,

I know how you feel. I thought I just met the man of my dreams ( now I am having 2nd thoughts or just low self esteem but that can be my depression topic for the night). We met online it will be 2 wks ago this coming Thursday. We had plans to meet on Saturday. Before he came over he dropped the bombshell on me that he's being sent to the Middle East this Wed. ( yes 2 days from now). I guess he got the orders on Friday and is working on putting things in order to go. He was lucky that it was his ex wife's weekend to have their son and he dropped him off there. Saturday he spent sorting out his home. Things he's having shipped to him in the Middle East, and things for his sisters to store for him. Yesterday he spent his day with his family. (I felt a little left out but I guess I don't count as I just met him and we don't have a "committed relationship") He told me his phone would be cut off today, I tried calling his number from work, his sister answered the phone and gave it to him.... he said hello and seemed not to hear me say hello and hung up .

But he is going on Wed. We had talked about going camping this fall and all. He was going to get out in a few months ( he's got 16 yrs in), but they told him they have the option of keeping him for 2 more and at this point they are). I hope he won't be over there the full 2 yrs. He will miss those 2 yrs of his son growing up ( yes he is the custodial parent)

So I do feel for you. I told James that he's lucky I grew up a Navy brat and have gone through this as a child growing up. But it is hard on the loved ones.

Good luck.

Cindy

TxLily · 09-23-2002, 10:32 PM

Thank you all so much for your posts, they really have helped. My husband was off today and weve had a good day together, after all of the crying last night. I cried a few times but got it together mostly. I am going to take your advice cysters. I am going to try to do as DianeJ said and try to keep busy and also try not to let on just how miserable I am. Its so hard though, I think ill be ok during the coming days but if and when he is deployed I dont know how ill handle it. I told my husband today that I was going to talk to my doctor about putting me on anti-depressants if he gets deployed. I tend to get not just sad, but very depressed. So I want to get some help with that before I make myself very sick. Thanks once again for all your kind words and your advice which I appreciate very much. (((hugs))) back to all of you and thank you again.

Lendi · 09-24-2002, 01:01 AM

I'm so sorry. I pray that your DH will stay at home, where he belongs. I'm the mom of an Army SGT. who is in Korea for a year. It totally stinks. We just celebrated my DGD's first birthday. She won't even remember her daddy. Her big Sis (not quite 4) cries for her daddy in her sleep. The only advice I can give you, if it happens, is to stay really busy. Mark your calendar off each day, figure out the percentages that are gone, write a lot, e-mail if he has access. (DS has a computer in his room) Think about your future together rather than the reality of now. And, just a hint. Send your DH lots of mail, packages and surprises. He'll be homesick even if he's too macho to admit it. E-mail and the phone are good, but not tangible like mail. If you send him cookies, pack them in pringles cans, with a piece of bread at the bottom and top. They get there much better that way. Oh, and find a support group with other wives who will be feeling the same way you do. You can lean on each other for support, advice and just to cry. Take care, keep us posted and I'll keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Lendi

ToledoCyster · 09-26-2002, 06:47 PM

I know exactly what you are going through! DH was deployed to middle east in June. Possibly a blessing in disguise, he injured his back and was sent home in August. Think of it as time to concentrate on yourself. You have to keep busy or the time will drag on horribly. Just some suggestions. Get a second job. (or a first if you stay home now) Put that money into savings for you and DH to go on a wonderful cruise or vacation and spend quality time together when he gets home. The reason I cant stay on a low carb diet is because of DH's carb addiction. im not nearly as bad as him, but having the food convenient and easily accessible is my weakness. I lost 25 lbs while he was gone those two months without those carbs being around and boy was he excited when he came home! Remember too that his separation is hurting him too and he will express it differently. Do not be surprised if he becomes moody or tries to distance himself from you. And he will be lonely over there. DH and I were able to communicate daily through email and I always tried to send him funny and sentimental things. Start looking now on the internet and keep him busy! This is a good page of military poems if you are the sentimental type. http://www.sgtmoms.com/data/modules/...nd_essays.asp, especially the military wifes prayer and funny deployment gremlins! And he could call me too. If he's able to get away with calling you more often, I got phone cards for 2.5 cents a minute! at www.phoneshark.com! Email me privately if you need to talk or have questions. you are in my prayers and thoughts.