My husband thinks I am overreacting... anyone else have this problem?

bethygirl83 · 10-09-2009, 04:36 PM

Hey all!

I was dxd last year and my husband and I have been ttc now for a little over a year. I'm on my second round of provera and clomid, 3rd cycle. I am starting to lose faith that clomid will work for me, as I am a thin cyster and have read that the chances are quite slim.

I joined this website in July of this year and have found it quite helpful! It's nice to have people to talk to and I love that there are other people going through the same struggles I am!

However, my husband tends to think I overreact. He doesn't know why I am in a support group and thinks we will get pregnant - I just need to stop stressing so much. The thing is, I really don't stress when we are trying. I keep a pretty optimistic attitude but yes, I get bummed the day that dreaded period comes! I get over it pretty quickly but sometimes it takes a little longer and he gets frustrated with me. He says he gets disappointed too but doesn't choose to dwell on it bec there is nothing he can do about it.

We have talked about adoption and our other options and he seems to be on board if I can't conceive, but he acts like I waste my time on the msg boards, etc. though he has never come right out and said it. It's frustrating bec I want him to support me!!

Does anyone else have this problem?

NikiAngel · 10-09-2009, 04:45 PM

Bethygirl - I understand why it feels hopeless and frustrating, but understand you've just started. I think DH finally started to understand things more after the doctors explained it to him.

Clomid is a first line of defense, and is usually tried for 3-6 cycles before moving on to injecatables or more advanced treatment.

Are you doing IUI or just the TI?

When I first did the injectables the doctor gave the option of TI or IUI. At first we were leaning towards TI, and then the doc explained that IUI had a much greater success rate. When I first told DH he refused, he said he wanted to get me PG the old fashion way. Well I explained to him that my body was out of wack, and that going through monitoring and Injectable drugs is a lot on my body and I'd like the best odds possible. He changed his mind then. I think sometimes they just need to understand that this is a physical and emotional demand on us, and there support can make it easier.

Before you explore adoption there are so many options, IUI with the Clomid Cycle, adding in Injectables, IVF, and all kinds of more advanced treatments that go along with it!

We just finished our first IVF, we didn't do our transfer yet but we did our Egg Retrieval and we'll do our transfer in November.

There is no way of explaining who or why people have infertility, you just got to deal. I am also thin, pretty young (29), and super healthy and yet our best bet was IVF.

I wish you the best of luck, keep your spirits up and get support here. It is often hard in the beginning for the DH's to understand. Give him time!

bethygirl83 · 10-09-2009, 05:39 PM

TY! I am not sure if I want to go through all the different options, but I am rather uneducated about it as well. I have always just felt that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant - since I was really young so I wasn't really surprised when I started having trouble. I almost feel like it would be easier to adopt rather than go through the expense and stress of ttc for who knows how long! I have always felt like I will adopt so I guess I just turned to that - I have a friend who has an adoption agency so I know the placement times and it sounds a lot better than trying sometimes.

I don't really know what IUI or TI means. I couldn't find TI on the abbv list - can you help me out? I am incredibly new to this and don't know a whole lot about what is going on!

Thanks so much for your help!

NikiAngel · 10-09-2009, 06:51 PM

Oh, totally sorry. IUI means intra uterine insemination. It's a cheap easy painless procedure. They use it with medicated cycles. It's were they clean the sperm and inject it into your uterus, basically just the best swimmers and they get them were they need to go. It can be added to a cycle where they use a stimulation and they trigger your ovulation, or monitor you for ovulation.

TI is timed intercourse. You take the drugs and then BD (baby dance or sex) when it's the right time.

I really had no clue that I would be doing IVF, I was brand new to this all in June, but I got a crash course. I knew i had PCOS, and I tried for 1.5 years before we got intervention from a clinic. They new Clomid wouldn't work so we went straight to injectables. I over responded so my only option was IVF. I too love the idea of adopting or possibly foster-to-adopt (IN NYC there are so so many kids in my own city in need), but I know I want to have biological children so there's no time like the present. It really wasn't so hard, I just got sick which is a rare occurrence.

I wish you good luck. Don't get discouraged. It can take a little while!

TiggersMom · 10-09-2009, 08:11 PM

Yeah, don't get discouraged. My DH kinda has his ears closed at the moment. He's in denial I think, he doesn't want to hear about the fact that I'm challenged in the Baby-Making department and thinks that doing the BD every day will get me PG...I don't think he realizes the sacrifices we make in TTC and having PCOS. I feel like I have to deal with his emotions, and my emotions, then between remembering to take my meds (I'm SUPER forgetful) charting my BBT-and not forgetting, being exausted from the meds, a medication induced AF for 14 days straight, twisting my own arms to eat better and excercize on top of going to work, handling the house/cooking dinner, etc. We go through tons to make our dreams come true and I think he thinks that "It's my job" or "It's part of being a woman" and I wanna smack him! But eventually he will see my struggle, unfortunately for me I think it will take a MC before fantasy land dissapates and he realizes it's real and not a joke.

I'm on my second cycle of Provera and crossing my fingers, only God knows my future but I'm keeping a smile on my face (despite my rant above!)

Anonykat · 10-09-2009, 09:02 PM

Just know that Clomid is not really the magic bullet for a lot of us - there are SO many other drugs you can try. I had a heartbreaking year of Clomid failures and was convinced I'd never be a mom. But we're now expecting our third child, thanks to a combo of femara+follistim - it worked the first cycle for each pregnancy (first time was twins).

Def. do educate yourself as to what all is out there. It's not like if Clomid doesn't work, you immediately have to move on to the invasive and expensive IVF - there are lots of options out there, and one of them will probably work for you. GL!

Merigreen · 10-09-2009, 09:41 PM

I can relate to this. My husband is supportive, but he thinks that I go overboard, too. He especially doesn't like when I talk about alternative remedies and lifestyle changes -- "Oh, I read about this supplement on the internet!" He thinks I'm nuts.

Keep the faith, though. There is no harm in optimism and it's great that your husband has it.

Thermophile · 10-10-2009, 06:54 PM

my husband doesn't like webboards and has never met a problem he that he doesn't attempt to ignore till it fixes itself. So in general he doesn't want to hear about the details of any problem be it taxes, how to fix a leaky facet, or some silly little disorder that I've been diagnosed with. His reaction to my self diagnosis was that I was overreacting. His reaction to my actual diagnosis was "well that doesn't seem like it's much of a problem". He doesn't deal well with not knowing how to fix a problem, so if he can't fix it right away he just ignores it. Drives me nuts. But it doesn't mean he doesn't care, just he doesn't know how to deal with a problem that is manageable but not fixable.

At least I think that's what it means. sometimes I'm sure it's just proof that he's a @#$%@#^ @$shole

bethygirl83 · 10-10-2009, 10:29 PM

Thanks so much to everyone for their replies and support. It is SO good to know that I'm not the only one with a seemingly insensitive hubby and also that there are certainly more options out there for me. Now if I could just learn to play the waiting game....

I am definitely glad that my husband IS optimistic and I should probably try to be more like him, but I have my days. I am thankful for him and all he does but sometimes I wish he would try to understand a little better.

Now, any suggestions on what to ask my doctor for after clomid? It sounds like there are so many options; what should I choose first?

NikiAngel · 10-10-2009, 10:47 PM

Bethany - Many will try a follicle stimulating hormone such as Gonal-f, Follistim (both really easy they are injectables but come in a preloaded pen). In addition there are many others that are easy. The shots have very little side effects (or at least did for me). They usually require a lot of monitoring, the need to know when you have mature follicles then they will trigger your ovulation.

Lavisht · 10-11-2009, 01:13 PM

Bethany im sorry your going thru this, like i said in one of my threads i was diagnosed at 18. Im 21 now and its hard to even think about the fact i cant concieve like most women. Sometimes i get discouraged when i start feeling my AF symptoms. And i start to think - am i going to have a baby one day? no i have'nt went and started treatment yet but at the same time im scared (sorry to get of subject) but pleaseeee dont listen 2 DH he's probably just under stress to. Try not to stress so much i have faith in all my fellow pcos sisters, keep faith hun and much baby dust 2 you and your DH