My Life Is Just Passing Me By....

CPerry1982 · 07-11-2006, 06:58 AM

I'm absolutely gotten nowhere in life. My job sucks, I live with the parents (Still), I don't have my driver's license, Yet I'm finding out more and more everyday how everyone I used to know is happily living lives with their kids/husbands I feel like I'm the only one on earth who's being left out. I know I've ranted about this before, but I'm trying like hell to get my life straight, only thing holding me back is the whole money situation where I have to give my parents half of my paycheck. I don't want to be 40 and living with my parents still. All I want is to move out, be on my own, have a car, get married, have a family of my own, is that so much to ask? I've cried for 2 hours straight tonight before I fell asleep. It's not going to get better I believe there is no hope for me I feel like giving up.

07-11-2006, 08:26 AM

Hey I'm reading your siggie right? Your only 24? You sound like you are being awfully hard on yourself.

Is there anything you might be able to do to make yourself feel better about the situation (even something small like taking a long drive to a different town, or a good book or a cd you can play?) I know it sounds lame but sometimes those small things can help.

Have you thought about mapping out a plan for yourself? A list of goals with realistic time frames that you can acheive them? It may be that you can't get a place of your own for a year but sometimes just writing out the goal and the steps needed to reach it makes you feel like you have some control? And putting in other smaller attainable goals as well.

Good luck.

sleepydumpling · 07-11-2006, 10:27 AM

At 24 I still lived at home with my mother. I had no job, no money, no boyfriend, nothing at all. And I was VERY unhappy. So I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I wanted to improve about my life. Then I highlighted all the ones I could start working on... and started working on them.

Fast forward 10 years and I've moved out of home, have a FANTASTIC job, an active social life, a good paycheque every week that gives me money to "play" as well as pay the bills (fuels my addiction to shoes), lots of friends and I'm re-gaining my health. I'm not 100% happy, but boy have I come a long way since then. All because I started working on the things I COULD work on.

Unless YOU make your life better, it's not going to get better. Some things you can't change, cast those aside for now. Because later on you will be able to change them. When I moved out of home 24 days before my 25th birthday (that was the first thing on my list I changed!) I didn't have a job, and I struggled. But I worked my way into finding a job, worked my way through that job to one I love, broadened my social circle once I got some $$'s happening, started buying nice stuff for my flat (I had borrowed EVERYTHING when I moved here - now I have gorgeous furniture and stuff - plus a television big enough for a family of cats to live in) and did everything step by step.

You can't expect your life to change overnight. You have to change something about it, and watch the rest follow through. As my hero in life Billy Connolly says, "Even if you just change a tiny thing, good things happen."

There will always be things that upset you, things that you're not happy about. But YOU have to work on the things you CAN fix.

You can do it by the way, I know you can! I did - little old me!!

Kath

Carea · 07-11-2006, 10:18 PM

cperry- hi i understand what u are feeling. my advice would be to talk to your parents and see if maybe they would let u put some of the money you give them each month back so u can move in to your own place soon. my lil sister is 22 and she cant move out cuz she dont make enough money and some times she gets depressed about it but we (our family) suports her and tell her to save money and to keep looking for a new better job she will get there some day and so will u

Carea

KilikinaP · 07-12-2006, 01:50 AM

I agree with a previous poster. Set some goals! If you don't make a plan to succeed and at least give it a fair shot at accomplishing the list of goals you have in this post (move out of parents house before 40; buy a car; etc.) as well as other goals you may have, how are you going to prevent your life from passing you by? If you are feeling overwhelmed, which is sounds like, try something simple, like doing breathing exercises to calm down. Take a walk for get some fresh air. I don't know the financial situation with your parents, but maybe you could re-write your budget to see how soon you can move out on your own. Do something specific to help accomplish your goals! A great motivational book for me was YOU CAN DO IT! http://www.youcandoitbook.com/

07-12-2006, 09:13 AM

I like the sound of that book!

jlucy · 07-14-2006, 01:50 AM

Quote:

Fast forward 10 years and I've moved out of home, have a FANTASTIC job, an active social life, a good paycheque every week that gives me money to "play" as well as pay the bills (fuels my addiction to shoes), lots of friends and I'm re-gaining my health. I'm not 100% happy, but boy have I come a long way since then. All because I started working on the things I COULD work on.

I agree. Just work on what you have control over. Set a career goal maybe and start on that. I lived with my parents until I was 30 or so while I was in school and finally finsihed after 7 years of working full time and going to school non-stop, no breaks. This was after I graduated from college too so that's a total of 12 years of school! and finally I make enough to support myself an be comfortable. It was very frustrating but nothing worthwhile comes easily. I still have things I'm unhappy about but as long as you are putting forth an effort to better your life you will get there.

PlushCutenOsooSexy · 07-14-2006, 02:33 AM

Don't give up baby girl you are young and still blossoming. Though it seems like everyone is else is moving ahead at full speed you are not paralyzed. You may not be moving as fast but your making progress. Guess what I feel the exact same way you do minus the giving up part so you are not alone. Don't think that there is some evil force against you and your destined for crap because you're not. It is just taking you a little more time than usual. Just because you see people looking happy doesn't necessarily mean that they are or that it has always been easy breezy for them. You never know what other people are experiencing in their lives and how hard they had to work to get to that point. If you ever need to talk or need support and encouragement feel free to PM me. Your fellow Aquarian...

Monifa

Ps. Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers is a great book. You can heal yourself workbook by Louise Hayes is also nice and you can write and it too. It has lots of positive affirmations to help you think more positively. I hope this helps.

CPerry1982 · 07-14-2006, 05:08 AM

Thank you so much all for the support, I feel a lot better, everything you have all said made me think and I guess I was being too hard on myself. Sometimes I feel like I am getting nowhere in life, just found out today that a co-worker of mine is pregnant with her 3rd child and although on the outside I was happy for her, inside I was screaming. My DB tells me to be strong about it, not to be weak because it serves me no purpose to get upset but I can't help but cry. I'm trying my hardest to be strong about everything in my life but I feel like giving up. I'm used to being let down.

07-14-2006, 10:08 AM

Glad to see things are looking a little better for you!

R0xyg4l · 07-15-2006, 03:49 PM

Hey there! I just noticed your from Uncasville, I'm down the road in Norwich.

I know how you must feel, when I first moved to CT I lived with my in laws for quite some time. All of my friends have houses and careers... I'm still just trying to make it in a lot of ways (mainly just financially). You are well.. the same age as I am, but we're still both pretty young... wet behind the ears as my Grandpa would say... You have a lot of living to do and don't let your current situation set the mood for the rest of your life. You obviously have the drive and motivation behind completing your goals and I'm sure that you'll start accomplishing them soon! Relationships can't be rushed generally, but driving, careers and housing can all be acheived with the right steps! If you ever need someone to talk to please let me know!

KilikinaP · 07-15-2006, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CPerry1982

I'm trying my hardest to be strong about everything in my life but I feel like giving up. I'm used to being let down.

I'm sorry things are still stressing you out and making you sad. Its overwhelming to want something so badly and feel unable to get it. I hope you are doing a bit better each day. One technique I am trying for my mild depression which may or may not help you is from http://www.psych.ku.edu/TLC/element.htm:
Anti-rumination Strategies

Rumination is the habit that many depressed people get into of dwelling on their negative thoughts. Rather than coming up with a solution to a problem and acting on it, people with depression often let their negative thoughts spiral out of control. It is important to recognize rumination for what it is and put a stop to it immediately. Rumination only makes peoples’ moods worse. When you find yourself doing it, do one of these things: call a friend, exercise, write down the negative thoughts in a journal, or do some other pleasant activity (like knitting, reading, or another hobby).

Coming on here to update is a very good step. Do it as often as you need!

CPerry1982 · 07-20-2006, 07:11 AM

I had a bad day today, It's getting very hard to see all these women who are pregnant I just want to scream! Oh and another thing... mean people SUCK. I've had plenty of those today at work.

sleepydumpling · 07-20-2006, 08:52 AM

I hate bad days too sweetie, hang in there and let it pass, you know it does pass eventually.

Hugs
Kath

CPerry1982 · 07-21-2006, 05:37 AM

Its taking forever though, I go through the same bull**** every day. Where in the middle of the night I will wake up crying. There is only so much more I can take.