My natural miscarriage story- GRAPHIC WARNING

mandy71480 · 11-03-2005, 02:09 PM

I wanted women who may be wondering about how a natural miscarriage could go to know about my experience so I am writing about my decision to miscarry naturally. Please be warned- it's very graphic.

On September 17th at 10 dpo I got the happiest news of my life: I was pregnant. 2 lines appeared on the FRER I bought that afternoon, and I was in shock, awe, and elation.
I filled my head full of all sorts of pregnancy info. How my baby was growing, what it should look like at my first ultrasound, when to expect a heartbeat, etc. At my first prenatal appointment my progesterone came back at 14.7...which is in normal range but I thought I needed supplements. It took my Dr 2 weeks to get me the progesterone test results, so I decided to switch doctors. I found a well-know well-liked male doctor and at my first visit I was a little over 8 weeks along. He did an ultrasound and found a sac and fetal pole measuring 6 weeks, 2 days, but no heartbeat. They sent me in for hcg bloodwork and scheduled me to come in the following monday. I had to wonder if I lost my baby because of low progesterone, and if my dr had supplemented me when I asked her to instead of waiting for the test results, would my baby still be alive now.

All weekend I read stories from http://www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com and got up a lot of hope that my baby could still be alive. I decided that no matter what, I would miscarry naturally, just so I could avoid some of the complications I had heard a D&C could cause, and so I'd know for sure that my baby was gone. I went back that Monday and mu HCG levels had gone from 12000 to 11000. They were already low for how far along I was, so my dr was 100% sure I was going to miscarry. I asked to have another ultrasound just to be sure, and he agreed. Again, there was no heartbeat and no change in size of the sac or fetal pole. I was devastated that night when I finally began to bleed. I lightly spotted for a couple of days and then last Thursday the 27th of October I started bleeding like a regular period. Everything seemed to be going fine until Monday afternoon, Halloween. I started cramping bad and bleeding a little heavier. I stayed out of work Tuesday and passed a few quarter-sized blood clots. I wasn't collecting the tissue since this is my first m/c, so I just watched what could have been my baby swirl down the toilet.

I decided since I was feeling a little better on Wendesday to go back to work despite the fact that I was still cramping very badly. My boss didn't seem to sympathetic, so I decided to just wait it out rather than beg for her to let me go home. At around 10:00 I went to make some copies and I got a bad cramp in the copy room and doubled over. When I stood up, I felt a gush of liquid like I had peed myself. I didn't worry too much because I had a pad on, and I had a customer waiting for the copies so I took her the copies, said thank you have a nice day blah blah and headed for the bathroom. Someone was in it. Arg. So I go in and my pad is soaked in blood. I changed it out and went back to work. I took another customer or 5 and 11:30, my lunchtime, came around. I went to BK and got a double cheeseburger with mayo (shame on me) and got lunch for the security officer and went back to work. I got out of my car with drink and bag in hand when I felt a plop. Like something VERY big had come out of me. I waddled inside and threw the bag at the officer and waddled to the bathroom. When I got there I knew there was gonna be something I didn't want to see in my panties, so I grabbed a wad of paper towels and pulled them down and caught this huge blood clot the size of a golf ball or bigger. I FREAKED. I had blood gushing down my legs onto the floor, I had blood all over my hands... so I made it to the toilet and more blood just gushed out and I was BAWLING. I was so scared. My coworker Mary heard me and started banging for me to let her in. I told her no, it was too embarassing, etc etc. She finally went and got the key for the door and came in anyway. I had blood all on the toilet seat, on the counter, on the floor, all on me. She took one look at the blood blob and told me it was my baby. I knew she was wrong so it made me mad and I started to get snappy with her. She left and got my boss, Evie and then SHE was in there and they were making such a fuss over me. I was so embarassed because I am a super-modest person. Mary was poking at the blood blob, Evie was blowing on my neck because I was sweating so bad. They tried to convince me to go to the ER but I didn't want to go. I called my dr's office and the nurse said to go to the ER... so I called Josh at work and he came and got me. I waited 1 hour to get my vitals taken, 1 hour to register, and 3 hours in an ER station waiting to be seen. I was in a hospital gown with a bracelet and everything. I kept bleeding onto these "chucks" they called them- bed pads. They wanted to get a urine sample but I couldn't give a clean catch because of all the blood, so they wanted to do a catheter. I refused (which made Josh mad) but after all I'd been through I did NOT want a tube up my pee hole. Sorry! Not happening! They took 5 vials of blood, and I had the worst phlembotomist EVER! He sliced my skin with the needle! WOW that hurt! Then they gave me the most painful pelvic exam of my life, said the bleeding had slowed down, and sent me home. My blood levels came back fine so he told me I could rest and wait it out at home until I go see my doctor monday. Then they would do an ultrasound and if any tissue is left I'll have to have a D&C done. Fun stuff.

Moral of the story: If I had to do it all over again, I would have gotten the D&C as soon as I knew 100% my baby wasn't going to make it. This has been not only emotionally draining, but physically exhausting as well. A girl at my church said physically she would rather go through labor again than to go through another miscarriage.

I have been cramping bad all day, still bleeding heavy and passing these huge clots. I just want this to be over with so I can move on with my life.

Edited to Add: it has been nearly 3 weeks since I wrote this and I am STILL bleeding. I am now on antibiotics to get rid of a mild infection. This is horrible. I bled during my wedding, on my wedding night.

It's your decision, but if it were up to me, I would have a D&C done before I would go through this again. This is the worst experience of my life.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far and I hope what I'm going through can help someone down the line.

SarahJ · 11-03-2005, 02:21 PM

Mandy;
That is an unbelievable story. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing -- I do think it will help someone make the right decision during such a difficult time.

Hugs,
Sarah

TracyW2 · 11-03-2005, 02:40 PM

{{{HUGS}}} So sorry for your loss. Thank for you for sharing your very powerful story. I know many woman are going to find it very helpful.
With my m/c I chose natural too, but looking back I also wish that I would have done a d&c. Not only is it emotionally painful, but it is also physically painful.

Although one never gets over a loss, I hope you are able to gain strength through this painful time.

~tracy

jnmanderson · 11-03-2005, 02:58 PM

Mandy so sorry for your loss ((((hugs))))

Thank you for sharing your story - I do think that your post will help many with making a really difficult decision.

I choose a D&C for many of the reasons you described. For me the baby had stopped developing at 6.5 weeks and at 9.5 week u/s I had no bleeding or anything to show that I as about to have a m/c. Dr advised me that it could take 2 to 3 weeks before it would start and then could bleed for 1 or 2 with the cramping, etc. 2nd biggest reason was that after having to go though all that I could have still had to have a D&C if not all the tissue and such was expelled out with the m/c.

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 11-03-2005, 03:27 PM

Mandy, I'm so sorry. I just had a D&C on Oct. 15th, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to wait and m/c naturally or have the procedure. I went in for a vaginal ultrasound on Thursday,Oct. 13 at 11 weeks and found out that my baby had stopped growing at 8w 4 days. I was on progesterone. My Dr. gave me the choice, and all I could think was it's already been more than 2 wks. I told her I wanted a D&C. I was worried about infection, and about how long this might take. But, I kept thinking what if they are wrong. The only way I would know for sure that my baby wasn't alive was to start miscarrying. I read every post I could find on the misdiagnosed miscarriage and part of me wanted to wait it out and the other part said no, it will be too long and painful. I was thinking about changing my mind when my Dr. called (she happens to also be pg) and told me I was all set up for the D&C on Monday morning. That seemed like such a long wait, and I was cramping a little. I discussed the risks again with her. She told me that she thoiught my decision was a smart choice, and that if she were in my situation she would probably do the same thing. On Friday I started to spot. By Saturday morning, it was like a lite period. By afternoon a little heavier. By evening, The cramps were much worse . I went to labor and delivery that evening and it takes forever to get registered and wait for the bloodwork etc. finally, around 9:30, they wheeled me into the OR. By then I was in so much pain. I don't know how you lasted as long as you did. It must have been horrible. I'm so glad I opted for the D&C, but, I hope and pray that there is no damage. You were really courageous to go through al of that naturally. I wish you much success if you decide to try again. I know this is a truly difficult time and I'm glad you had the strength and compassion to think of other Cysters right now. I'm sure your post will help someone else.

saluki_fan · 11-03-2005, 03:49 PM

Mandy. Thank you for sharing your story.

I cut-and-paste a lot of this from another poster above, because my story is very similar. With my first loss, I choose a D&C for many of the reasons you described. Even though the baby had a heartbeat at our first u/s, our second u/s reflected it had stopped growing and no longer had one at 9.5 weeks. I had only very light spotting, no bleeding or anything to show that I as about to have a m/c. Dr advised me that it could take 2 to 3 weeks before it would start and then could bleed for 1 or 2 with the cramping, etc. I thought about it over and weekend and went back to see the doctor on Monday and told her I wanted to have a D&C. She told me "That's what I would do too, but I didn't want to tell you that, I wanted you to decide for yourself."

With Losses 2 and 3, they happened so early that I had them naturally and it was more like a super-heavy AF with heavier than normal cramps and clotting.

Sorry for your loss - but thank you for sharing your story, I believe it will help many women on SC who may unfortunately have the same difficult choices to make.

SheriKCMO · 11-03-2005, 04:28 PM

I'm sorry this has been so rough. We learn too much the hard way. I hope it's over soon. (((Hugs)))

Blue 1971 · 11-03-2005, 04:55 PM

Mandy, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Take Care,
Jacqueline.

JuliannePCOS · 11-03-2005, 05:00 PM

Wow.

I'm so sorry for your experience. I can't believe anyone was "poking" at the blood blob.

It was not a bad experience for me, but I was at home with just my husband and my Dr was aware of the situation. If I had such a public natural m/c, I would probably have been traumatized.

So so so sorry.

(hugs)

Littlebullet · 11-03-2005, 05:03 PM

Hugs Mandy. Thanks for sharing your story. As you know already, I chose to have D&C because I was scared of what a natural miscarriage would feel like, second I didn't want left over tissue that could cause complications later, and third I wanted to have it over with so I can mourn my loss without it dragging on. I started to cramp and bleed about 3 days before the D&C and I passed a lot of tissue. I was in A LOT of pain. This was my second miscarriage and I had a D&C both times. It's a very individual choice but I have no regrets having a D&C I hope that you can find strength and peace. I will pray for a quick recovery and remember I am ALWAYS here for you.

Jennifer

LaurAnnHere · 11-03-2005, 05:03 PM

Mandy, I'm so sorry.

enits · 11-03-2005, 05:13 PM

Mandy, thank you for sharing your experience. I'm certain your post will help many women. I'm so sorry that you had to experience a miscarriage. It's just not fair. (((hugs)))

RoxieInPa · 11-04-2005, 10:16 AM

Mandy {{{HUGS}}} I too had a D&E (D&C) with my first loss. BUT with me it was a bit different. I was 14w along. My water broke at 11pm at night. I went to the ER and they did u/s and bloodwork. I went sent home the next night at 8pm and was told I would m/c. The next morning about 10am I needed to go to the bathroom. SO I was helped by my mom and DH. WHen I was *done* I went to wipe and my fingers wraped around the baby's card that was still attached to me.

I called my Dr's office as I didn't know what to do. THey told me someone needed to finish *delivering*. So my mom, the most wonderful person, did it as she didn't want DH or I to have to deal with it. THen I was told I had to go to the hospital with the baby. I STILL was not bleeding. I had my D&E that night about 8pm. My mom and DH were told I lost ALOT of blood and that I didn't need blood but if I lost much more I would need blood. THankfully everything was ok. So with me I didn't need to make a choice of what way to go. I knew my baby was no longer with me. As for my 2nd loss ... it was natural .... I would have done the D&C. THey didn't give me a choice. Just told me to wait it out.

Mustard Seed · 11-04-2005, 07:02 PM

Mandy - I'm so, so sorry for your loss. You were very strong to go to work and have to experience your m/c there in front of co-workers. I hope your story is able to help others who may need to decide whether to have a d&c or m/c naturally.

For me, my natural m/c wasn't that bad, but I was home with dh and he was able to help me (and hold me) when I was in so much pain. The worst part was waiting 3 1/2 weeks after finding out the baby had stopped developing before the m/c even started (although I did have some spotting the week before). I had also been told by a friend (who's had one natural m/c and two children since then) that her m/c was much more painful for her than labor & delivery. However, I know if I ever am pg again and am able to carry to term, I would like to delivery naturally, so I am glad my body was able to handle this because it gives me hope that I might be able to do the same naturally then.

I hope you have a quick physical recovery and that you are able to have a beautiful, healthy baby someday in the near future. ((hugs))

msvon · 11-04-2005, 09:59 PM

Mandy, first let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a natural m/c and it was the most painful thing I ever experienced. I started spotting and went to the emergency room and they told me I was having a threatened m/c after a vaginal exam, but when they did the ultrasound I saw the sac was empty, but no one at the emergency room wanted to tell me that...they just told me that I was only 6 weeks along instead of the 10 that I actually was. That was on a Wednesday. When I left the emergency room I was told to make an appointment with my OB so I was scheduled to go in that Friday. When that Friday came I was bleeding a little heavier and had some cramping but I went to work anyway. I left in the middle of the day and went to the doctor and she told me I was in the midst of the m/c and that I had to just wait it out since it already started. She then told me that it could take two or three days before it was done and to take Advil for the pain (I still want to slap her for that statement.). I got home about 2 that day and the m/c was over by 5. I'm glad it went so quickly for me because I couldn't stand that intese pain. I wouldn't wish that on anyone in the world. I hate that you had to deal with yours at work of all places. Please get yourself some rest and know that we are here if you need to talk.