my neighbor is pregnant

kmarie · 09-24-2006, 03:23 PM

i was talking with my neighbor yesterday and he told me they were 7 weeks pregnant. I am extremely happy for them but sad for me at the same time. I lost my baby in august and i have been trying to hold it together. I ended up telling my neighbor that we lost a baby and he said i am so sorrym don;t let it get you down it wasn't meant to be then. the wasn't meant to be bothers me because its like if it wasn't meant to be then i wouldn't have gotten pregnant. it was meant to be. I ended up calling my husband but he couldn;t talk he was at work. Then i called my mom, and she said it will happen when it happens. Everyone is different! I just feel like noone knows how i feel. My mom said look at the bright side you can get pregnant. but i am terrified that i will have a misscarriage again. i am scared that i may never carry to term. My husband and i agreed to take birth control after all this happened to get healthier, pay off our debt and finish school, but i am not taking it. I took it for a little over a week. Deep down i dont want to wait. i want a baby i want to be a mom. and the way i look at it all those other things can wait. I told my hubby i wasn't taking it and he was very supportive. And said if i am not comfortable taking it then don;t. I support you in anything. i guess i just needed to get everything out of me. I know i can always count on my cysters!
thanks for taking the time to read how i feel.

lovepotato · 09-24-2006, 07:34 PM

People said that to me too. The part about 'It wasnt' meant to be." Our son was meant to be, just not as long as some people. That doesn't make his life any less worthy. People don't think that a baby is a person from the minute it was conceived. They only think of it as a person when they can get to know it. But our baby was a person from day one.

Your neighbor was probably uncomfortable b/c you'd had a m/c. People tend to stick their feet in their mouths when they're in a situation like that. They don't know what to say, they don't want it to happen to them, and they don't understand the pain you're in and they want to get away from it. That's not an excuse, its just the way people are. I always say something back or ignore them. They usually get the hint.

Im so sorry that on top of everything you're going through, you also have to deal with people who say the wrong things. Life definitely is so unfair. ANd I think we all have those feelings about not carrying a baby to term, or one that's healthy, or even getting pregnant at all. I don't think there's any cyster on here that feels differently. So you're not alone. If there's one reason I'm glad I had Eric, it's so I can understand other people. Not that losing him was my plan, but at least good things are coming from it.

You'll be in my thoughts.

isadora · 09-24-2006, 10:37 PM

I know how hard that is to find out that someone is PG right after a loss..it happened to me recently too. I have m/c'd twice in a year and right about the time I was getting ready to have to have a D&C after the second loss, I found out that some friends of ours are expecting their second child..both of their children were not planned.

Right now, you have to do what you feel is best for you to get you back on track. I know how you feel about wanting to be a mom right now and not wanting to go on the BCPs for a while. If you feel up to TTC again...go for it. After my first loss back in December, my Dr had me wait until I had my first AF after the D&C and then I started TTC again immediately. They say you are more fertile up to 3 months after a loss and it was true for me. I got PG again 2 cycles after my first loss(although it also ended in a loss). I've known of quite a few women though who have experienced a loss, immediately started TTC again, got PG again right away and went on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby! So do what you feel is right for you right now.

Hang in there! I know this is not a hard time. If you need someone to chat with feel free to PM me. :-)