it hurts more than i thought it would! this is my middle son, now oldest son. his older brother died 5 years ago, and it feels like i'm losing tiger now, too.
he's moving into a tiny one bedroom apartment with his girlfriend and another girl. how is this going to work?? the girlfriend is a piece of work, too. everyday is another day to be a drama queen in her book. they are constantly arguing- he was always an arguer, my little lawyer!
i just dont like any part of this!!! i'm gonna miss him. its only a minute away, but she is so clingy, that she doesnt like him playing cards with my youngest son. they really have a great relationship- my boys- and she is totally against them even talking about things she has no interest in.
its sad, but i hope he can still go to college- like he is planning- and then meet some nice girl who lets him be him.
I'll bet this is pretty tough. Before he moves out, maybe you can just mention to him briefly how much his brother enjoys his company and how nice it will be for them to be able to get together at his new place! If you make a point to let him know that he's welcome to visit anytime, do some kind of 'housewarming' gesture, and perhaps help him move.....those are all things that will help him feel good about the move. I'm not sure how it will work out with 3 people in a one bedroom apartment.......chances are, not well. But, as you know its his decision to make.
__________________ Mandy
Proud Mommy to Emily born April 7, 2005 and Joseph born January 17, 2008
yep, i'm putting on a happy face for his benefit, but we also had 'the talk' and told him to think about all the things that might be obsticals in this situation. we told him he would always be welcome and that we will not get in the way of his desisions.
you had some good ideas. thanks. and yes, it will be really hard for us. my younger son is feeling pretty blue about it. now i am down to one son, and a stepson at home. i have two other step children who visit, but it seems that my once full home, is now dwindling to an almost empty home.
I know it was very hard on my mom when I moved out. (I left to attend college, and stayed out on my own, basically) I have a younger brother and sister. I made a point to go back and visit, and also to invite them up to visit me. (I moved from Denver to Ft. Collins, about 45 minutes away) It seemed to work really well.
It took some adjusting. For a while, I think my mom felt very upset, thinking I didn't need her anymore, and so she had a tendency to start arguments. It was a tough time in our relationship, that period of time where I was asserting my independence yet having to remind mom that a child ALWAYS needs their mother, its just that the need changes shape.
She and I fairly quickly got all that resolved. My brother and sister are 20 and still living at home (very much the opposite of me.....I left for school right after my 17th birthday.) So, I think that when they leave it will be much harder on my mom.
It sounds to me like you're doing a great job!
__________________ Mandy
Proud Mommy to Emily born April 7, 2005 and Joseph born January 17, 2008
Oh, I so understand your pain. My "baby" will be moving soon. It was really hard with the first one, easier with the 2nd but this last one is gonna be awful. I can only tell you it gets a little easier with time. Keep busy, keep in his life. Don't leave his room as a "shrine", do something fun with it. Reminding him how special he is to his little bro is just the right thing to do. And, remember. They seem to come back I promise, there will be a time when it feels right, for you. And, as long as the "doors" of your souls are left open, you will still be part of his life. Be there for when he needs you, understand that he may hurt at times, but that he's also growing and learning. Even if it turns out to be a mistake, it will lead him to seek better the next time. And, finally I must say that what seems to be a mistake to us, isn't always to them. We know our needs, we know the needs of our children as we perceive them. But, the 2 aren't always the same. The things in your son's girlfriend that concern you, may be what he is attracted to.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to e-mail me. There aren't a lot of us on this board that have children of that age. I'd be more than willing to "listen" and very well may share some of my concerns with you as well.
Hugs to you, Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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thanks, lendi. i found out today that he's moving on the first. april fools day! oy. tiger asked me if i thought it was a message, lol.
yes, i know he loves argueing, and this is why he is attracted to her. he also loves learning though, and i pray this will not get in the way of that. and he is very independent, where the girlfriend is so clingy. she needs someone to go with her everywhere. she took my stepson to the store with her when tige want home. and she doenst like my stepson! she needs a mother/father/babysitter, and i fear that tiger is that for her. she has gone through a lot of boyfriends in her short life. i'm worried that his sence of loyalty might get in the way of his logic. maybe its real love, maybe its lust, maybe its loyalty.
so, i try to breathe through my moments of insanity over this. make sure he knows that our door is ALWAYS open for him. and hope he understands the importance of his relationship with his brother. this is the biggest thing for me! my youngest son. he was close to tears yesterday. its breaking my heart to see him hurt like this. its so close to losing another son/brother.
on the other hand- yes, his room is already spoken for, lol. my stepdaughter will be moving there. my husband will have a den where the girls slept, and my treadmill will also fit in there, so it will be out of my bedroom. tiger and i have spoken, and he knows we need the space. he also told me, if things dont work out, that 'there is always the basement. i can bunk anywhere.'
he is such a good kid. all my kids are. my baby- jer- has been talking alot since this has come up, and he says he just doesnt want to move out. he will miss us too much! he also doesnt want a girlfriend, because of the pain that inevitably happens. i so understand, but i told him he has to take a chance on life. yes, it hurts, alot sometimes, but the good is so good! if i didnt want to hurt, i would never have had my children, and i love them so much. i cant imagine my life without knowing them. i hope jeroth doesnt become a slave to his pain!
Wow, I think you and I are a lot alike. We definitly have the same type of bond with our children. It's so hard to see our children when they are in pain. I would, gladly, absorb it for them if I could. I hope Tiger makes wise choices. You're doing all that you can, but I know it's still so hard. My DD will be leaving next fall to move out. She will be a Sr. in college and wants her own place. Then, will probably get married the following summer. She is the baby, and the house will be very quiet and empty. But, she's gone a lot now. And, I'm working hard to learn to enjoy it. Now, my DS leaves for Iraq monday. That one I'm not getting past very well
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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Originally posted by Lendi my DS leaves for Iraq monday. That one I'm not getting past very well
ouch!
yes, that ones a doozie! so sorry he is going so far away, into the danger zone. motherhood isnt fair sometimes, is it?! i will pray for you and your son. hang in there, ok? do you have ANY clue how long?? (makes my woes seem so silly, but i know a hurt is a hurt, and no pain is less than anothers, even if they seem it). my heart is heavy for you.
Thank you Jenny. I didn't mean to take over your post. He will be gone for at least a year. He technically left this evening as he had to check in, but flies out tomorrow. Yes, pain is pain. And where our children are involved it seems to make us especially vulnerable.
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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you didnt take over my post. we are hurting mamas. we are just sharing our pain.
what are you going to do for the year? you have hobbies in place, are you busy? do you work outside the home? i dont, and i dont want to. part of me is waiting for them to be all gone, because then i can 'play with the house'. there has been a lot of dreaming over the weekend between my husband and i. we went to home depot- my favorite place right now- and started figuring out what we want. i am clipping magazines like crazy! making a scrapbookof ideas for the house and garden.
Ah, Jenny. You are a very wise mama. My DS doesn't live with me or even close, about 8 hrs so the emptiness is in my heart only. I took over his room when he moved out for the military. I do work and sometimes wish I didn't have to but, alas I do. It's not too bad, though. My DD is still here for about another year. She plans to move on her own in Dec to do her student teaching. Then, will probably get married in the summer following graduation. So, I'll have a big hobby...wedding planning in the near future. And, I will have lots of rooms to play with then. Isn't it funny that now that the kids are gone I think I need more space? An addition would be great. But, I'll settle for paint and new flooring *beagle puppy helped redecorat our kitchen floor*
Thank you for listening and hearing my pain. I appreciate the support. One of these days we'll have to share funny stories about raising children Lendi
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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well, it MIGHT not happen after all. they arnt sure. the other girl bought a newer car and might not be able to afford it, and tiger thinks it would be foolish to try on their own. i agree! but i also want his girlfriend out of my house asap. we are civil to each other, and thats it. the tension in this house is not fun. and its only her. you can feel it when she comes home, the fun just clears out of the house.
so, i dont know whats going to happen now, and i wish i did so i can prepair. but i only mentioned hi moving last night, and he's like' oh, that might not happen'. oh, come on, you guys have to talk to me about these things, lol. here i am re-decorating the house . april first could have come and i would have tossed their stuff on the lawn cause i started getting excited about the extra room. is it strange to feel let down now- lol. i cant ever be happy .
Gotta love em, huh? LOL Well, I guess you're really in a waiting game. And, no good way to win either way. I bet Tiger will pull it together soon. He sounds like a level headed young man. You have those lines of communications open, that's the main thing. Now, bout that redecorating. Maybe you can get the girlfriend involved in the redecorating, make her work hard and she'll move or be of help.
BTW, excellent job on the weight loss. I'm impressed!
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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i dont think ashley will help with the redecorating. she didnt help when she was moving into the house. we were moveing all her crap. she was 'tired', after my sister in law and i had moved all week. harrumph! shes also very oppinionated, and wouldnt take my decorating style, but would butt her nose into what looks good to her.
thanks for the kudos on the weightloss! i'm at a stall right now, and overate today too. back to basics for me. preschool for weightloss
What program are you using to get your weight down? I really have to do something. I tried low carb for 3 months and lost 5 lbs, but need much more than that. LOL Sounds like Tiger has himself a humdinger. Does she live with you? Maybe some rules bout how everyone who lives in the house helps. Or, would she just balk and pull Tiger into it? You're really walking a tightrope here. I'm thinking about ya. Let me know if you want to do a little ranting. My e-mail is available anytime
__________________ It's ok to cry if you're sad. Tears are God's little safety valve.
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my older son is moving out 
I promise, there will be a time when it feels right, for you. And, as long as the "doors" of your souls are left open, you will still be part of his life. Be there for when he needs you, understand that he may hurt at times, but that he's also growing and learning. Even if it turns out to be a mistake, it will lead him to seek better the next time. And, finally I must say that what seems to be a mistake to us, isn't always to them. We know our needs, we know the needs of our children as we perceive them. But, the 2 aren't always the same. The things in your son's girlfriend that concern you, may be what he is attracted to.
tiger asked me if i thought it was a message, lol.
. april first could have come and i would have tossed their stuff on the lawn cause i started getting excited about the extra room. is it strange to feel let down now- lol. i cant ever be happy 
