My poems...WARNING VERY DARK/MORBID CONTENT(1)

SweetMe · 07-16-2005, 07:48 PM

ok, I wrote these poems during my darkest moment, whilst on dianette. I hope it will show the other depressed cysters that there is a way out...and poetry is one of them! Often i would write poetry instead of harming myself. I used a red pen to write so the symbolism was the feelings are still coming out.....they're still red...but they're words and not cuts. There are too many to put in one post, so i'll do one or two a week.

'Pain vs Gain'

I write these words of pain and sin,
Not on paper, on my skin.
Deep red is my ink,
I watch the extra flow down the sink.
Red marks up my limbs, cover me,
I wish people would let me be.

More and more, I cut and cut,
You ask me to talk, this door is shut.
All I see is pain and hurt,
I'll never again wear my mini-skirt,
For scars don't fade fast,
Specially when this cut's not my last.

I am depressed, I am sad,
Does this really make me bad?
I hurt, I cry,
Sometimes I wanna die.

You see a child,
Fair and mild.
Inside I scream,
A never ending dream.

A nightmare,
That I cannot bear,
One that scares, One that chills my bones,
I will never again be home.

I h8 myself, I h8 me,
Can't anyone see?
When people hurt me and let me down,
Then I start to drown,
I start to sink,
Afraid to think,
Of what I'll do,
Before tonight is through.

Sitting in the dark, in the cold,
Have courage, I must be bold!
When I have the nerve, when I dare,
I'll finally lay my skin bare.
Cut, cut, cut, pain, pain,
Cut, cut, cut, again, again!

See the scars - ugly they be,
They'll always be a part of me.
inside I cry, inside I flail,
Outside I try, outside I fail.
Help me, help me,
It's all for attention see?

This angry red line,
Will always be mine.
This line of hurt, of pain of Hell,
Proof of the way I fell.

Dig harder, Til I bleed,
Let my anger and pain succeed,
Rip, rip - oh the pain,
Rip, rip - what a gain.

Relief that's my goal,
A goal that leads me back into a hole.
Scream, scream, do they hear?
'No' amswers back my fear.
Scream, scream, do they see?
See what? It's only me.

For the pain is here inside,
In a deep place where it can hide,
Cut, cut! Faster, faster!
Cut, cut - I'm a walking disaster.

I sit and rock,
Watch the clock,
Wait for the sun to rise,
Thinking up, already, all my lies,
'I couldn't sleep',
(Inside I weep).

I want to cut, to set my pain free,
But pain will never let me be,
It will come back,
Make another attack.
I have to learn to fight back.

Pain is gone,
Pain is 'dead',
Pain is what got me in the head.
Pain is white, pain is black,
Pain is what shot me in the back