I have been watching your group for the last few weeks. I recently lost my baby. The first problem was on Sept. 6th. My dh, son and I went to my Dr appt I had had biweekly appt since I was in a car accident in Aug.When the dr did ultrasound baby should have been 8 weeks 2 days and only measured 6weeks 6 days. I watched as dr kept remeasuring and examining my baby. Then it hit me no heartbeat. I looked at my son who is 3 and nearly lost it. Dr. scheduled me back in a week to repeat ultrasound to declare if baby was a loss. When we left the office my dh then ask what all that meant and I had to tell him most likely our baby was gone. That week of waiting to go back was the most heartbreaking. I never even spotting or had any problems but when I went back there was still no growth and no heart beat. I had d& C on Friday Sept 15th.
I am so emotional. I feel so sad for my husband and son. I feel like I failed them. I am also at a loss on if my car accident was a contributing factor. Dr said we will probably never know. I was hit in the rear end then pushed into another car. It was a serious accident. I feel like a could not handle this kind of pain ever again. My dh wants to try as soon as we have the green light but I am so scared. I feel like I could not handle this again. It has been my worst nightmare. We tried to conceive with my son for 7 years and I think this pain is more heart breaking then even all those failed attempts were. I get angry easy. I cry over anything. I just do not even feel like myself. I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and this will not have happened to me.
You ladies on here are so brave. I hope to some day be like you. Right now I just know that I can not even remove the baby items I have been given. I think not yet but then again I don't want to see it either. I am trying to work but cannot focus.
__________________ KIM(32)
DANNY(31)
MARRIED SINCE NOV 1996
MOMMY TO EVAN (4)
Mommy to angel baby
Lost at 7 weeks sept 06
Hi Kim sweetheart, I am SO sorry for your loss. ***BIG HUGS*** This is such a hard thing to have to go through, and its not easy by far. It does get a little easier over time, but you never really ever get over it. Eventually, you just get to a point that even through your really sad inside, the tears no longer come as easy, and you can start regaining a "normal" life.
Nothing ever really feels like it did before, but things do become easier to manage. It does take a long time, I've just now come to terms about my loss, over the last few weeks. I still cry, but maybe once a week now, from before when I was crying every single day.
If you ever need to talk, please PM me any time. I am a good listener, and I have a nice soft shoulder to lean/cry on.
God Bless you & your family.
***HUGS***
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On a TTC break...
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Kim, I'm so sorry. You need to give yourself a big break and just let all of these feelings flow. It is grief, and everyone here has been through her own version of it. It is a terrible and lonely job that we must do. It gets much easier to take care of later on. I am hurting for my daughter, but I can function in daily life now unlike those first horrible weeks and months. There are better days ahead, but take plenty of time for the days you are in now, and explain to your husband that it is very common for the mother and father to react so differently. [Many docs recommend a few months of waiting after d&c's, though others don't. ]
You have not failed. There are still days when I feel that same way again, but it's not true. That is grief talking. You were the best mom you could be to your bean. And there are ways of honoring your tiny baby from now forward, if you feel like it. That gives me something to do "for" my baby, since I couldn't raise her.
Take care, and I am so sorry for your loss!
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
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