Well....I surely never wanted to go through this..now that I am I know what it is like for those who have been in my shoes.
I have been keeping myself sooooo busy so I don't think about it...then Friday night it hit..hit hard. I wish there was something dh could do..or I would like him to at least cry once to see how he feels.
I really don't want to go through another M/C again..and I know If I do..then I will just fall to pieces quicker.
Thanks for listening
__________________ Cathy 36
Lee 40
Married Feb 12, 1994
HSG Nov 2004
Brandon Aug 8, 2005
It is definitely not a nice club...that's for sure. I have learned so much along the way. I promise you that you will be able to make sense of this *someday*. Not that it will make it any easier or the pain any less, just know that you will someday be able to put it in a safe and Ok place. For me, it was having my daughter. If it wasn't for my angel, I wouldn't have Katie. So in a way, my angel brought me Katie. And for that, I will be forever grateful. Now, if you tried to tell me this 2 years ago I would have told you to go fly a kite. But...as I travelled down that terrible road, I learned a few things and I did a few things that helped. I went to grief counselling. It helped tremendously for me to make sense out of the whole situation. I bought an angel statue for my yard. It happens to be outside of the kitchen window where I do dishes a zillion times a day...so I see it a lot. I am constantly reminded of my angel. One thing that I wish I had done was get an angel tatoo...I would have gotten one in a discreet place that only I could see.....a little secret of sorts. maybe someday I'll get one. It's not an easy road, but I learned the hard way that stress can really affect your fertility. It took my 7 months after my d&c to get af back. I thought something was terribly wrong. Then a referral to the RE on June 7th, where he told me "this we can fix." Oddly enough, on it's own...my af returned on July 5th...an exact 28 day cycle.....my Dh swears that all I needed to hear was that it can be fixed. He swears that I let myself relax and I got my af back...not sure what happened, but I got pregnant on that cycle, and it stuck! M/c takes a lot of joy out of pregnancy though. I checked the tp EVERY time I went to the bathroom for 40 weeks, expecting the worse. I held up my guard and wouldn't let myself believe it was for real until well into my 7th month. sort of a protective mechansim I guess. I wish you all the insight and wisdom you seek in the upcoming months. I wish for you brighter days. I wish for you a way to remember you angel. I wish for you a way to make sense of this madness and a place to put this in...and I wish for you a BFP when your body and your heart are ready again. Hang in there...
__________________ Me 38, Dh, 36,
DD, Katie Grace 4/8/03 she's 5 now!!
DS, Samuel Fenway...born 12/22/04, he's 4 now!
With Katie, tested ++++at 12dpo
13dpo: 428, 16dpo:1,903!!!
Born on April 8, 2003
8lbs, 6oz, 20 inches long
With Sam,4/12/04 beta= 131 at 8 or 11 dpo, p4 14.4
4/15/04 beta= 1,059 at 11 or 14 dpo
4/28/04=36,850 P4=35.2
I too have been keeping myself so busy and occupied that I have really not had a chance to grieve for our baby. Last night was the first time I went to church since I m/c and after communion, I fell apart. Everyone thought that I was doing so well but saw that I wasn't. I think part of it too is that I have to put on a happy face for my children and don't really have time to grieve. I still don't think it has totally hit yet, but when it does, it's going to be hard.
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I just found out for sure today that my baby died. It was so hard to see it on the ultrasound screen. I suspect that this is a long process, with good days and bad.
I am so sorry that we have to go through this. I don't know what will make it any easier, except the support of friends and loved ones. It certainly helps me to post here and get the feelings out. I am so thankful for this board.
__________________ Me: 38 DH: 44
Recurrent pregnancy loss
Surprise pregnancy while on a break
EDD: August 5, 2008...It's a boy!
Praying to St. Gerard to be blessed with a baby!
I've never had a M/C. I'm not here to tell you that I understand. However, I just wanted all of you to know that I'm saying a prayer for all of you that God will give you strength to cope and that you may find peace in your heart to be able to deal with the loss of your sweet angel babies. I pray that God will let you know that when you feel like no one understands and that there is no one to talk to that you can turn to him. I also pray that each and every one of you will experience a happy, healthy pregnancy soon. Lord, let that ever lasting peace sweep over these ladies and let them know that you are taking care of their babies until one day these ladies can hold them in their arms for the first time. God Bless!!
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Cathy, I haven't offered my condolences yet, but now I will. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I didn't even know you were pregnant at first, until I saw you here. I avoid this board sometimes.
We lost our baby back in May at about 17 weeks. My husband is just now grieving. Your husband may feel that he has to be strong for you now. Then it will be his turn, and you will find that you may need to be strong for him. That is what we have gone through at our house.
I hope you find the strength you need to go on, and that your husband will find a way to grieve also.
Love & Hugs,
Sheri
__________________ Sheri (39)
DS 12 on 4/28
DD 5 on 5/2
DD 3 (11/18)
Baby Girl Charity Rests in God's hands (5/15/03 @ 17 weeks)
Emergency D & E and Emergency Hysterectomy on 5/15/03
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My thoughts 
