First I just want to thank everyone for all the prayers and for continuing to hope along with me that my little one was going to make this. Unfortunately, it does look as if I am officially joining this board. My hcg dropped from 4200 to around 3400 and my doctor was no longer able to see the fetal pole or yolk sac. I'm still not cramping or bleeding--- I do feel as if an elephant is sitting on my low back. My doctor thinks I should start to miscarry over the next few days.
I am very sad-- sad beyond words. I have been trying for over 6 years for this little one. At 36, I know I don't have another 6 years really to wait and hope it happens again. My husband (because we already have two children) was not really proactive in making this happen- and will not be interested in pursuing more aggressive avenues to become pregnant again. Still, I am hopeful because I did conceive this one on my own- with no meds.... well, other than my gluc. There are so many hard things about this-- when I miscarried before, I was not a mother yet- I didn't even know what it meant.... I had nothing to compare it to. I was sad then- but this miscarriage is even different because I think about how much I love my son and daughter..... I know pregnancy is a loss no matter what the situation.... it's just so different this time......... I was due a couple of days before my bday- and I'm an OB nurse---- a couple girls that I work with- also found out about the same time as I that they were also expecting.... it's going to be very difficult watching them progress in their pregnancies- watching their bellies grow and eventually deliver their babies. I hope I have the strength to get through this. My little girl who's 7 is just breaking my heart--- she is such a little caretaker---- but when I got home from the doctors she asked "Mommy are your numbers any better?" It broke my heart to have to tell her no---- she then asked "does it mean the baby is dying".........she's such a smart little thing and so concerned about me and the baby. l look at her and my son- and as hard as this is, I know that I'll get over this hurdle........ there is always alot of heartache involved with being a mom- miscarriage included, I suppose. I just know that I'm not going to give up and I will keep trying. The pain in the end will be worth it.
I'm trying now to think of ways to stay busy- I figure I'll take the summer off--- I've never had a pregnancy occur in the summer- I seem to have better luck during the fall and winter. I'm gong to get some things done around the house- painting wallpapering etc........ I'm going to work on losing some more weight-low carbing..... I think keeping busy will be the best.
Thank you again for being here for me... I'm here for all of you too !!!
Lots of love
Amy ~
Never stop believing !
__________________
DH (40) Me (39) DS (14) DD (11) DS (2)
three precious angels
Glucophage 2000mg/day
IT'S A BOY !!! Xander Wallace born 4/9/04 via csection 8# 11.5 oz 21.75 " long
2 year stats- 37" 35#
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I am so sorry your numbers have dropped. I am glad to hear you have such a lovely DD. She sounds so sweet and caring. I hope the Gluc. continues to work for you. We are here when ever you need us.
__________________
Sarah (24) DH Mike (25)
1st M/C 08-02-02 CMP To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Now on Paxil 37.5, Avandia 8mg, and 1500mg XR
TTC again To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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I am so sorry you are joining us. I'm sure it doesn't hurt any less just because you have two children already. Any loss is very difficult.
I wish you the best of luck with ttc #3. Apparently the rumor is our hormones are temporarily more normal immediately after a m/c. Maybe you'll be lucky and get PG soon (if you are up for ttc).
Thanks to each of you- I've said it before but it really does mean so much to know that I'm not alone.
I'm still waiting for something to happen-- I think this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm still not cramping spotting or bleeding. How long can this take ?? I figured by now something would be happening-- so far all I've had is an awful back ache on and off. Maybe my numbers just need to get a little lower. I am noticing that my breast tenderness is just about gone- I pray that this is just over soon so I can start moving forward.
__________________
DH (40) Me (39) DS (14) DD (11) DS (2)
three precious angels
Glucophage 2000mg/day
IT'S A BOY !!! Xander Wallace born 4/9/04 via csection 8# 11.5 oz 21.75 " long
2 year stats- 37" 35#
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The 2nd time I m/c, I had only started to spot, and had no heavy bleeding or cramping. My dr. told me it would probably start within the next couple of days, if I waited for it to happen naturally. He could see that the sac had detached and was sitting in the bottom of my uterus. I opted for a D&C to get the physical part over with. I don't know if there's any way to tell how soon it will happen. I would just advise you to stay in touch with your dr. and tell him/her if nothing happens within the next few days. Infection is still a risk.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
__________________ age 33~DH 36
dx w/PCOS 6/98
TTC since 2/01
m/c 1/4/02 @ 6 wks
m/c 7/24/02 @ 9 wks
Prenatal vitamin
2 rounds of Clomid failed
2 rounds of Pergonal failed
Rest cycle (no meds): +HPT 9/5/03
DD born 5/1/04
"Carry a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come." -- Chinese proverb
I opted for a d&c too once the numbers really dropped and I knew for sure it was really over. I know the pain of going through it naturally it was horrid on me. This last m/c the only indication I had that I was m/cing was that they couldn''t see the heartbeat anymore and the baby hadn't grown in 2 weeks.I never spotted. Then my levels went soaring down. ((Hugs)) I know how difficult this is for you.
my update 
