So my best friend of 9 years is preg again with her 5th child. She is a single mom and already has 4 kids with 3 men. All 4 of them were recently taken away by DHS because of her drinking and drug use, and because she has no job or stable home. She told me her bf wants her to have an abortion, but she is against it 100%. I told her it was not a good idea to keep the child and that she needs to get her life together so she can get her kids back. I also told her I would love to adopt it if she didnt abort. Am I crazy for doing this? I have pcos and have tried everything aside from major tratments (ivf and the like) because of the chance it wont work and its so costly. I know adoption and rasing a child is also expensive, but its more of a guarenteed thing. I am just worried she would regret it later down the line and try to take the baby back from me. She told me she wouldnt mind giving it to me, because she realizes she is in no place to have another child. I just dont want to stress our friendship over this..... *sigh* its like God opened a door for me, but I am afraid of what awaits on the other side. I still have to talk to DH about this, I know he will be all over it and excited... I just donno if its the right thing to do.
Thanks for listening to me vent, any advise would be awesome
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O.k. first take a breath and relax. If it meant to happen, trust me God will open the doors for you. Now, with saying that this could be that door. Just don't freak out. I would talk to your dh about it and then again talk to your friend. Ask her is she would actually place the baby for you to adopt. If she says yes, then I would contact a lawyer and talk to them about what the state guidelines are on how to adopt a child. If you are in one of the states that you must go through an agnecy (I know that Colorado is like this) then find an agency and get the ball rolling. You will be doing an identified adoption where you have already met the EM and they don't have to do that for you.
Now if you are going to be in one of those states that says you must adopt through an agency then yes it is going to be more expensive. If you were to just go through a lawyer it would be alot cheaper. The lawyer can run anywhere from $750-$3000 for adoption (that includes all the paperwork and the finalization as well.)
Either way if you do an agency or a lawyer you are going to have to get a homestudy done. That can cost around $1500. (if you are here in Texas I can PM you a great homestudy agency that is just awesome!)
So anyhow, congratulations and I wish you the best of luck with either ttc or adoption. It is going to be a rollercoaster, but a fun one. I promise!
Thanks for the info, i am not trying to rush anything, i would love to adopt it, but i dont want to get in over my head and later regret it, ya know. I would hate if it put stress on the friendship. I also know it will be tough because we live in diffrent states so that will add to it all. but I want what is best for my friend and she knows she cant have a 5th child right now so we were just taking about what options there are.
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I would be very careful about this. I know having a baby is very important to most of us here but you really have to look at your friend and how this will turn out two years from now. what happens if she get her life in order? what if she makes comments to you on how she would raise the baby you might feel a little obligated to to take her advice even though you don't agree. I'm just saying don't jump into it without thinking 2 or more years down the road. Good Luck in this difficult decision.
Good luck to you. I was in that same situation about 12 yrs ago. My so-called friend now has 7 kids. Oldest is 23 and youngest is 2. So-called friend is 36. She wanted to give me number 4. She had an abortion....I was hurt by this. Then a month after I was told this, she was pregnant again, with number 4. I havent talked to her since. I was hurt.
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Sunny (36) & Scott (39)
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Autumn's mommy,
I was in a similiar situation 2 years ago. My best friend who was 21 at the time already had 3 children by 2 men. She wanted to let me adopt, and i was all for it. I have PCOS and have had no luck with clomide treatments. Unfortunatley when we went to the lawyers I was unable to adopt because me and my husband had not been married three years. When I told her that I wanted the baby but could not adopt it ended our friendship. I have only spoken to her twice since then when we passed in the store. I hope for you that things work out, but I would be cautious about adopting a friends child. Best of luck God will do what is best for the child.
need advice 
