Need prayers for my aunts please, and maybe one for me...

CocoRumGirl · 03-29-2005, 11:50 PM

I'm not sure if I should post this here or on the depression forum. I have two aunts that are having some health problems. One has had some polyps taken off her colon recently, and is now in a big hospital in Atlanta having biopsies done. She's already had part of her stomach removed and has chronic anemia. I am so afraid she has cancer. My other aunt has a mass in some lymph nodes. She has fibroids in her breasts, and I don't know if this is related. She's having surgery in a couple weeks. My fiance and I have been arguing all afternoon. I just can't take it anymore. I am trying so hard not to go back to cutting, but it is so hard right now. Everything just hurts so much. If it's not a burden, could you please say a prayer for my aunts and maybe one for me, that I can get through this without harming myself. TIA.

HISIRISHGEM · 03-30-2005, 01:22 AM

Aww Sandy......I'm sorry for the pain your feeling right now!! Your not alone. Ask away in this forum. Is your fiance arguing over the feelings you have for cutting?? Cutting is a sign that you feel your life is out of control. Its also a sign that you feel its the only thing you can control in your life to relieve the Pain. I know....I was bulemic. While we had different ways to control our pain and our anxieties, I know that they lead to nothing but danger, hurt to you and others in your life as well as loss of control even though you feel like you can control that one thing for gratification. I'm no longer a bulemic, but I will always struggle with bulemia. All this is a sign of fear. Fear that we're not good enough, fear that we can't fix things, fear of what others will think. That we can't get things right now matter what. All of which are lies. Satan wants you to believe that you are not good enough, He wants you to believe that you are in control of Everything and your not. It may sound scarey to think your not in Control. But what you'll find is that its actually a blessing. The only thing you need right now is a tiny bit of faith the size of a mustard seed in Jesus Christ. That tiny bit of faith will help you move past that darkness your feeling and help you climb the mountain to safety. The loss of control you'll feel will be given over to God who will in turn take it and use it for good in your life because of your faith in Him.

I want you to do me a favor...everytime you feel like your out of control or your depressed or you just feel like you cant take anymore, I want you to replace that urge to cut with sitting .....breath deeply in and out several times, and I want you to talk to God. For many it sounds silly I know, I mean how does one talk to God when you can't see Him?? Well, talk to Him as if He's there with you. sit and tell Him how you feel. Are you sad and depressed?? Are you angry with Him?? Are you scared for your aunts or for some other reason?? Do you feel like Your not good enough?? Start telling Him this....Say, God....I feel like I'm out of control...I don't know what to do..I'm sad and I'm angry...this is why...tell Him. Then I want you to ask Him to Hold you. Hug you and Hold you in His arms. I bet after all that, you'll feel peace. The feelings won't go away....EVERY minute you feel that urge coming on you have to keep talking to Him and keep asking Him to hold you in His arms. I also want you to ask Him if He loves you. I started asking Him this and He's been answering me so boldly. If you can't here His answer, ask Him to speak boldly so you can here Him. Start speaking this into your life that Jesus Loves you. Sandy, if He didn't love you, He wouldn't have given His life up for you. He wouldn't have shed His blood for our life..thats what Easter is all about darlin. He loves You more than anyone....He wants you to feel better and get better.....He wants you to have a testimony so you can speak to others who've gone through what your going through. Only your testimony will be that you are free from the cutting. Starting feeling Victory Girl cuz your getting It! Speak it in your life ....ask for Victory over your situation. Don't expect things right away...it'll happen in His timing...but He is good and faithful!

Father, I take the time to Pray for Sandy and her fiance Lord. I know how it feels to be alone....so alone in darkness that you feel lost and nobody is around to help. I know what it feels like to feel out of control and always afraid of what others will think of my secrets, or even of what they do know. I worried about wheather my fiance would give me up, but found a wonderful Godly man who not only married me, but supported me and still continues to support and love me through EVERYTHING. Father thats definately You! No other man would be able to support me like this other than one of your sons. I pray for victory over Sandy's life. I ask that you would give her the strength to overcome this loss of control....that she would faithfully give You the control and that you would bless her for being faithful! I pray for her fiance`. I ask that you would strengthen Him as well Lord. That you would prepare Him for the battle They'll face together and that you would bind their hands together in Love. I also pray for Sandy's Aunts Lord. I ask that you would give wisdom to the Dr.'s who are working with them. That you would help guide their hands, their minds, and their wisdom into finding the causes and healing their bodies. I pray for Victory over this whole situation and ask Father that you would show them your Strength and Mighty Power in and through their lives. You are Mighty and You are merciful Father. I know that you can do all things....I also know that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Give this couple strength Father.....Give them all they need to make it through. I pray that they would put on the Whole armour of God ....That You would protect them and hold them in your arms. In Jesus Mighty name I pray.....AMEN!

Sandy, you are covered.....please don't forget to talk with God. He can strengthen your relationship with Him. He can give you what you need to overcome this situation, He can also use you to help your aunts through such a hard time. God is going to use your testimony to help others. What a blessing to know that God thinks your so special, that He'll use you to help others?? Take a deep breath and smile, because your covered under prayer, your loved, and God is definately with you...even if you don't feel Him there.

Email or PM me if you ever need anything ok?

CocoRumGirl · 03-30-2005, 01:47 AM

Thank you. Tears are streaming from reading your reply. Mark doesn't know I feel like cutting again. I haven't done it in years. We were arguing over something that should be left in the past. Looking back, I think I was trying to pick a fight. My moods are just all over the place. I do feel completly out of control. Mark didn't realize there was anything wrong until I turned into a weepy mess. I had just found out about my aunts right before the argument. The arguing stopped and I told him what was wrong. I have a long history of depression, but it had been controlled until now. My job doesn't really help matters. I'm a nurse, and although it means so much to me that I am helping so many people, it is emotionally draining. I am around illness and death all the time, and it's not easy to deal with. And they can't let us have a peaceful day off. We are constantly asked to work overtime. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for a successful, stable career where I'm always needed, but what the hospital needs is always supposed to take priority over what I need, and I just can't do that right now. I can't be any good for my patients when it's such a struggle to drag myself out of bed everyday. I think it's probably time to talk to my doctor again about that one.

I know I need to pray a lot more than I do. When I pray, it's for other people. I just always put myself last, as the ones I love are more important than I am. I will try talking to God more. I need him more than ever. Thank you so much for the reply and the prayers. I appreciate it so much.

HISIRISHGEM · 03-30-2005, 09:15 PM

Sandy, While other people are important....God thinks your important....YOU mean alot to Him....you seem to mean alot to your fiance` and I'm sure others on this site. I used to have a problem praying for myself. I felt selfish...but now I pray just as much for myself as i do for everyone else. If I'm not spiritually healthy, I can't pray right for others.

I would say you definately need a trip to the dr. I know quite a few women with PCOS who need anti depressents....even myself! I'm actually going to ask the dr. on the next trip. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them...they help to balance the hormonal changes and other changes we're dealing with.

((sigh)) I just quit two months ago as a state tested nurses aide. I know EXACTLY what your talking about...death, just overall sickness and you feel worn out. Extended hours, working doubles, sometimes triples. Its crazy. My advice to you is to think of something you've always dreamed of doing...write them all down and start working towards the goal of a new profession. When you marry, will your husbands income be enough to take care of bills? Can you go part time or as needed? Then take some classes or something?? Are you an RN?? My DH is finishing his RN degree and there are so many parts of the business.....he can do administration, RN in many areas, a traveling RN which keeps you traveling around the world, however pays for ALL expenses of moving, rent, utilities, etc. There's just so much. Will they pay for you to go back to school if you can further that career? Maybe between pt work and Financial aid from school, you can make ends meet and still get freedom. There are so many option....take a deep breath and write your thoughts down. Write some goals to attain (SLOWLY attain or you'll be overwhelmed and depressed).

Another thing...be honest with your finace, let him know what your going through,what you need, and how he can help you. He needs to know about your thoughts of cutting. You have to be honest in this relationship if your going to marry Him.

And as I've said, PM me or email me at ANYTIME!

cystsBgone · 03-31-2005, 03:44 AM

Hi Sandy, first, the "shoulds" are just the enemy trying to get you under guilt and condemnation, he comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Please do not allow Satan's lies to touch you. God hears every prayer, and he bottles up all of our tears.

Father God, I lift Sandy up to you, help her to ask You how to pray, every prayer is heard, dear Jesus, and we walk by faith, not by sight. Poor your blessings upon Sandy as she has obeyed and carried out Your will and sevice in praying for others, not only herself. Only You know all of her needs and desires. I pray in the name of Jesus that you help her to simply come to You, asking You to "draw near" to her and her family. I ask You to poor your healing power and strength upon her and her family during this difficult time. Faith without works is dead, Faith comes by seeing and hearing, and hearing the Word of God, that you so graciously gave to us all. You are an awesome God, no respector of persons, and the Prince of Peace. I ask that you cover your gentle arms around Sandy and her family with your tender touch. Your blood covenant with you abides in us to speak out of our mouths what we would like to see come to pass. I ask that you remind, as she seeks You, to trust that You are working in the background, although we cannot see it, therefore we pray for strength for faith, , faith now, continual faith, to see our prayer answered. Lord, I also come to you and ask that you guide Sandy to You, beginning with her thought life, that has led to her cutting, damaging Your temple and Your spirit that is inside her. I rebuke Satan to come against her and her fiance, I bind his evil tendencies in all areas of her post here, and I praise you that the power of Your healing is working through Sandy - mind, body, and soul. Thank you dear Jesus, we praise you and ask in Your Mighty name.
In Jesus' name,
Amen