Need Some Advice...

teachergal · 05-11-2009, 12:29 AM

I need a little bit of perspective!

I have been fortunate enough not to suffer from depression, but I know I am a little bit anxious at times. Right now I am very anxious, and I just need some insight!

My husband is suffering from an anxiety/depressive episode I guess. He's never had anything like this before, though he has had ups and downs. He travels a lot for work, and since I'm due right now with our second baby, he's been traveling MORE than ever, trying to get it out of the way. He came home two weeks ago, and was just not himself- very distant, moody, and sleeping a lot. At first I was mad, because I wanted him to be excited about getting things ready for the baby, as well as for hanging out with me and our two year old. He was SO not, in fact I felt he was avoiding home with work and other things.

I started to freak out (HOROMONES!) and he started talking about how this baby is just going to add more stress to his life... blah, blah, blah. He was acting completely unhappy about it, and I FREAKED. I could not believe any father would ever say things like that about their unborn child. I told him to stay at his moms- I couldn't even look at him. Then, the next day he came home and told me he hasn't really been happy the last year or so, that he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me, wasn't feeling like a family man, etc... I of course was devastated, and told him to get out. I left for a while to cool down, and when I got home he was sleeping so I just let him. He slept all day, then claimed to barely remember our conversation. He opened up and said he didn't know what was wrong with him, that he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his body, and that he just couldn't wake up. I started to research depression and anxiety, and it does fit. He travels, works 24/7, and drinks on the road, then pretty much comes home and crashes. I agreed to let him stay at home if he would see someone, and he did.

He has been great about following through with appointments and taking his meds, though he has drank a few beers which worries me. They said he mostly suffers from anxiety, but that has been hit with depression right now too. I can't believe how bad the timing is- I'm about to pop any minute and almost feel like I can't be happy about it.

I just can't get over things he has said, and we fight about it all the time. He keeps saying that he's doing everything for me, and us, and wants things to work. He says he didn't mean what he said, but that the issue is HIM not me. I can't help but personalize it and am extremely insecure, which is adding more stress to both of us.

For those of you who have suffered through this... do you have any advice for me? Should I still feel this insecure? How do I get over it? Does our marriage still have hope? Will things ever be normal again?

He is still quiet and distant, but calm... it's just so not him!!

Thank you for any advice you can give!

thebluefox22 · 05-11-2009, 02:47 PM

Deapression and anxiety can go hand in hand as in your husband's case. It seems like both of you are experiencing a lot of changes in your life and the transition into fatherhood can be very difficult for some men. Hang in there!

Your marriage is not over, it is just going to be something you both are going to have to work harder at.

Especially with a newborn, one can neglect their relationship with their significant other. You just have to be more aware of this knowing his vulnerability in his mood.

Just don't give up okay. If he is willing to work on his issues that is a great sign!