Need some manly advice

hollymlb · 06-11-2004, 03:44 AM

OK first I'll tell you the situation. I'm 26 single and I have PCOS majorly...basically everything but the cysts...well I had one once that we know of for sure. My Dr said chances are I won't ever be able to carry a baby full term expecailly with the fact that I get majorly sick anytime my hormones fluctuate.

So here I am 26 wanting to someday get married have a family I have no problems with adopting and actually with my health being at risk if I get pregnant again its the way I would perfer to go. For me the scariest part of looking at dating again is telling him my sitaution. With my exfiance we found it all out when we were together and well that was one of the main reasons we split up.

So how soon is too soon to tell him if I ever really start dating and when have I waited too long? And what do I do if having kids is mentioned before I'm comfortable saying anything?

I figure guys might have some kind of idea about this.

Holly

TxHubby · 06-11-2004, 02:32 PM

I would say that if you have been dating the same guy for awhile, and are exclusive, and you can kind of tell that it's getting serious, then that might be the best time to let him know about the PCOS and what your thoughts are on children & adoption, etc.

Sometimes, it just kind of comes up in conversation, but most of the time it's something that you'll probably have to bring up.

It's kind of up to you, really...how comfortable are you with telling a guy about your PCOS & all that goes with it ? If you can tell that you really start to like a guy, then that may be the time to explain to him about PCOS, and then if you continue seeing each other & it gets a little more serious, you could then tell him that because of the PCOS (which he'll already know about) that you have certain views on having children/adoption, etc. and then see if he feels the same way or understands where your coming from....KWIM ??

It could also be possible that if you are explaining to him about PCOS, you could bring up the infertility issues & the problems that you've experienced, etc. and then tell him about how you feel about adoption & why, that way you're just explaining it in a way that relates to PCOS, so it all kind of goes together.

I think really you just have to read the situation and the guy & see what you think is the best option. Some guys might get scared off after you tell them about PCOS...that's fine, if they run from that, then they weren't really the right guy for you anyway, so who needs them ?!

You will find your perfect man someday, and he will love you for what you are, and he will accept you as you are...with no exceptions....just as you will feel the same way about him. I know it may not feel like this could ever happen....believe me, that's the same way my DW felt about it, before we met...it took me awhile to convince her that I loved her unconditionally and that nothing was going to change that. She wasn't actually diagnosed with PCOS until after we had been dating for awhile, but even if she had known about it before, and had brought it up to me (even on our first date) it wouldn't have made a difference about how I felt about her.

That's when you know that you've found real, true love...if you're willing to accept each other just the way that you are....with all the little imperfections that we all have...then you know that it's real, and that it will last a lifetime.

Hang in there....I promise there is a guy out there who's gonna love you just the way you are, and treat you like you deserve to be treated !

prunepie · 06-12-2004, 12:54 AM

well i am not a man but i want to share my story..

i met my bf..soon to be fiancee a couple years ago.... at that point i was just dxd with pcos... after about 2 weeks of going out..i laid everythign on the table..pretty much said i have health issues..i am taking care of myself.it may or may not affect fertility..and i just wanted him to know upfront so he can decide if he wanted to continue dating..

his response..was.... do you see me running for the door???

which meant he didnt care wethere or not i had pcos..he cared about me.

so i dont know if there isa right time or not..i believe in being upfront and honest early on ...so as to avoid issues later on ..i mean do you want to date someone for a year to find out they might not want to adopt???

btw... are you sure you arent fertile?? some drs dont know alot about pcos and treatments and freak women out...please make sure you have a very knowledgeable doctor before you start believing you are infertile..i have heard many women on here told they needed hysterectomies etc..and went on to naturally have biological children..

you arent alone..i WAS TERRIFIED to tell him..but i figured ... why waste time ... thsi is a good way to find out if he was relationship material..

xoxox jenn

nightrider · 06-22-2004, 10:12 AM

Quote:

his response..was.... do you see me running for the door???

That is almost exactly what my bf said when I told him.
I told him after 3 weeks of us being together.

So just like prunepie said - if he loves you - the PCOS doesn't matter.

Whenever YOU believe that the time is right is when you want to tell him.

HTH

Rebecca527 · 06-22-2004, 11:06 AM

Well, I'm obviously not a man either, but I thought I'd interject here since I've just recently gone through this as well. I told my boyfriend on the first date. A little history...we met online, (sometimes these things do work out) and had several indepth conversations about our views on things (life in general, religion, family, children, everything) before meeting. On our first date (which lasted nearly 20 hrs I might add!) we discussed children. I told him at that time that I do want children, however because of a certain medical condition I don't know if it's possible or how difficult it might be to get them here. A couple of weeks later he told me he had been wondering about it and wanted me to tell him about it. So I did. All of it. The good, bad and the ugly of it all. He doesn't really understand all of it, but is amazingly supportive. He told me that no matter what, he loves me, thinks I'm beautiful (even with my thinning hair, being fluffy, eating what he calls my crazy low carb madness, and moodiness...a lot of my other symptoms have subsided, thank God!), and is in for the long haul...no matter what. His exact words were "I want to marry you and have children with you...we'll do whatever it takes. And if that doesn't work, we'll get them somehow. I fell in love with you...and this is a part of you." Trust me, I wondered for a long time about telling him about it for the simple fact of scaring him off or something. And I've waited a long, long time for the kind of open and honest relationship that I have with him. I'm 30 yrs old, and this is honestly the first relationship I've ever had. I've dated a few people...never made it past the first date with anyone else. When it's right, you'll know. Start off like someone else said, with just a hint of information and if he seems like he's going to be supportive and interested in finding out more about it, go with it. There are men out there who understand and can handle more than we often give them credit for, and will stand by us through thick and thin and love us for the amazing women we are. (TxHubby is one!) I often thought it was unfair of me to want someone to love me knowing that I might not be able to give them a child, but I've realized that's pretty selfish. I would have been missing out on the amazing man that I have in my life now, and he would have missed out on me. Good luck to you!

amshum · 06-24-2004, 08:30 PM

Well, I posted a thread not too long ago about having to come clean about my PCOS with my long distance BF... I was stressing very much over it... But Joshua said something similar to what the other ladies men said to them... “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

This was back in April, but I got some really great advice from our cysters... If ya wanna read about it... http://www.soulcysters.net/showthrea...5&pagenumber=1

I don't regret telling Joshua. I felt so much relief after telling him. I don't know *when* is the appropriate time to tell someone, but I told Joshua after knowing him for six months (together for four).

flick78 · 07-21-2004, 08:41 PM

About 6 months after I started going out with my boyf I was taken off the pill because it was messing me up. I took a years break. I was not hapy at first about having sex AT ALL!!! Anyway, to cut a long story short. My man not only comforted me and made me feel good about myself, he also stood by me and was so unbelivably patient, even ewhen i was depressed and mean. It took a lot of pressure off me and I'm so glad I told him. It meant I had someone to talk to. other than my mum.
Good luck, you'll know when the time is right, If you can trust him with your heart, you can trust him with this.