Hey everyone, I haven't posted for quite awhile. I am not good at this sort of thing but I really need some support. I have been feeling pretty blue lately and I feel like it's getting worse. I have such a hard time fitting in, even with people I work with on a daily basis. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in. I feel like I just survive or try to get through everyday but that I am not really living everyday. My life is so good and I have so many things to be thankful for but I still feel all alone.
Alot of the people that I work with are really great but there are some who just stand around waiting to stab you in the back. I HATE that. I would rather have someone not talk to me or ignore me than to have them pretend to be friendly and then talk bad about me. Sometimes I think that I am just too sensitive.
I am the oldest of two kids and my sister and I are 4 years apart. That has always made it hard for us to be really close but I thought it would get better when we got out of our teen years. She has one child and another on the way. I am still childless (but about to ttc) and I think that puts a strain on our relationship. I love her and my nephew SO very much but I feel like it has changed her attitude towards me. Like maybe she doesn't know how to act or that she feels sorry for me because of the PCOS. Maybe I am crazy and it is just all in my head.
All I know is that I am feeling too many things to talk about and everything is just coming out in a tangled mess. I am just reaching out hoping that someone with reach back. Forgive me for being pathetic.
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Starting weight: 182 Current weight: 166 Goal weight: 140
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I understand how you feel I feel that way quite often too. You should stop beating yourself up about it.
I often feel on the outside looking in when it comes to my Sister and sister-in-law and their families my main reason I feel for this is the fact that they have kids and I have given up ttc. It is happy families for them and I have none, I suppose it is really envy on my part.
I know it is not easy but you should try and enjoy the time spent with your sister and nephew.
Irene
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DH (48)
Married 5 Nov 88
No longer TTC
Taking Propanolol & Evening Primrose Oil
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BeckySue, I know how you feel. I also often feel isolated among large groups of people, like at work or class. I sometimes have a hard time connecting to people, too. It can be difficult, I know. (((hugs)))
Have you considered therapy, at all? I know sometimes I feel like my emotions are overwhelming, and it's not something I want to deal with all by myself. Therapy can help a lot in that respect.
__________________ I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do. - Helen Keller
Outside looking in. You really summed it up well.
I'm happily married with friends, workmates and family, but yet feel so very alone at times.
I don't have much advice just try not to feel guilty and seek help or a friend to talk to if you need it.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
BeckySue, you are not alone... I too feel the same way as you described most of the time. I've always felt "different" and have had a hard time fitting in... my husband tells me it's all in my head, but who knows. Hang in there!
beckysue, you are NOT alone!!! nor are you pathetic for feeling that way. *big hugs* i've always had that isolated, "alone even when in a crowded room" feeling. i think it's partly b/c i've always been a little bit eccentric and i've got my own medical/psych issues which do make me look at things differently than other people. and sometimes that does make me wind up feeling horribly alone and sad.
i don't really know what to say, b/c i'm still working through the issue myself. one thing i've done is to cut ties with the "superficial" people that are just aquaintances and don't really care about me. also, i've learned who my true friends are after some traumatic things happened about a year ago; it surprised me to find out how many people actually cared! it wasn't that i was alone, but it was my *perception* that made me feel that way! (like i said, i'm still working on these issues- one of the first things i do when i'm depressed is isolate myself.) therapy has been a great help to me.
also, do try to cherish the time w/your sister and nephew. i know it's hard, especially when you're ttc and under stress, etc. if you think your relationship is strained, talk to her about it. i mean, what is family for? don't be confrontational or anything, but maybe you two could have a girl's day out or something and just open up about how you're feeling. i don't know your family dynamic, so forgive me if i'm suggesting the unsuggestible.
i hope things get better for you. feel free to come here whenever you feel isolated or overwhelmed. we're here for you!
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as you can see by other post you are not alone, we all feel like outsiders at times... i too feel this way at times... it is really hard... try finding a friend that you can talk to and have go places with you who can hlep get you more involved in the group...its ok to trust people and make new friends.... (im forever giving advice that is very good and never taking it lol like alice in wonderland lol)
i hope you get feeling better soon, and know you arent alone... find a group, find people you trust and you will find where you belong
__________________ Vanessa 22
husband mike 26
daugter jen 2
PCOS dx 16
Hey, you're not pathetic! You just need some support, everyone does at some point or other in their lives.
I know what you mean about the work thing - that drives me insane too. But I think in every workplace you will find people like that. It's just a matter of learning to deal with them and not give them cause to bother you. I'm learning slowly.
But of course we're always here to talk to and share your woes. That's the best thing about being a Cyster... other Cysters!
Thank you all so very much for your support! I know that everything you all are saying is true, sometimes I just have a hard time remembering that. I am glad that I am not the only one who feels like this...it makes me feel less alone.
isenephthys- Great idea! I think I will see if my sister and I can have a girls day! That would be a lot of fun and I think it might help take care of some of the feelings that I am feeling.
I appreciate all of you reaching out; that is really what I need right now!!!! I hope someday I can return the favor!
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Need some support 
