You know, its funny...I have been going thru a virtual fast with no men in sight for ages that really interested me; and when you have PCOS, in my case anyway, its really hard to want to be with someone and face the possibility of rejection. At least...for me.
There has only been one man in my whole life that I have loved with my heart, body, soul, and mind..entirely...and it is this one person that I walked away from over a year ago because I knew he didn't feel the same way. He wanted to be "friends with benefits" and I wanted his heart. I also was trying to lead him to Christ. He was also my pastor's son. You also have to understand that my pastor and I have a more father-daughter relationship than anything...we are really close. So even at the beginning, it has been hard for me and Mark.
I am a virgin still and this is the only man that I have ever wanted to be with sexually and I believe that is because I love him. But I didn't want to give myself to someone who just wanted me for sex...I wanted him to want my heart. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to walk away from Mark, but I knew that if I didn't, I would compromise my heart, and my faith, and most importantly, my witness.
So, we quit speaking and I didn't see him for over a year. He has been in a lot of trouble, been depressed, been on drugs, and been with lots and lots of women. YEt, the next time I saw him I still love him. But I resisted the feelings...and walked away again. But my feelings walked away with him. He was still there, in my mind, in my heart, in my prayers, in my thoughts.
That was 6 months ago...I saw him Sunday, the first time in ages that I saw him in church, in his dad's church. He came, and he actually sang praises to God(he sings solos) with me and the praise team and I could have cried because he was serving God and you could just see how God has anointed his voice. After church, he told me that he wasn't with that girl anymore(he was living with some girl) and that he wanted me to call him, that he was doing right now, and trying to make a change. That he was going to try to start coming bck to church.
Due to me trying to keep this as short as possible I haven't put everything in it, but I did write him letters during the time we didn't see each other(mostly to encourage him).
Should i pursue this? I don't want to be hurt again, but I have prayed and prayed that the Lord would turn his life around.
In my heart, I feel this is the person I am supposed to marry...but I know that our hearts sometimes mislead us. I need my cysters' advice here...and your prayers.
Take care and thank you...Anne
First off, kudos to you for sticking firm to your faith and maintaining your virginity in the face of temptation. As a 32 year old virgin (ARGH!) I can relate to how difficult that is.
Second, also, you made a good choice by stepping away from a situation that sounds like it would not have been all that God intends for you (not being yoked with a believer and not with someone who loves you as Christ loved the church). It is so easy to give in to those desires and I am certain that God will reward you for being faithful in these matters.
I would say pray pray pray for wisdom and ask trusted friends to pray for you and him. Perhaps God has worked a miracle in this guy's life and now you can be together. Or God has worked this miracle and you are still not meant to be together.
I sure hope that this man has truly found the Lord. Whatever God intends for this relationship, He will work it out to His will, your benefit, and His glory if you remain faithful.
God bless!
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* * * * * * * * * * Meds: Metformin 1000mg and Celexa 20mg
* * * * * * * * * * "My grace is sufficient for you." 2 Corinthians 12:9a
Kudos is right!!
I would say to pray about it and ask friends and family to pray and then get confirmation from 2 or 3 witnesses!! Our flesh sometimes wants differently than what God has for us.
Just remember that GOD has a plan for you!!!
Pam
Dearest Anne,
I agree with our fellow Cysters. I'm 31 years old and also a virgin. I know how it is to care so deeply for somebody that your heart aches, your thoughts are constantly obsessed with them, and your mind does mental replays of your interactions with that person. It can be hell on earth. I almost had sex with this person (no intercourse, no oral, etc.), but one singular night of a whole lot of foreplay. Sorry, to be graphic. The Holy Spirit told me to stop and leave a lot earlier... but disobedient me wanted a makeout session at age 23. Only to discover that it can prematurely tie your soul to a person in an union that was not blessed by God.
Congratulations for upholding for your faith, integrity, and not bowing down to peer pressure or the temptations of the flesh. My prayers also will continue for both you, Mark, and God's Will and Word for your lives. Continue to be Mark's friend, but also be your own best friend and do what will be best for your mind, body, and soul. Big hugs to you.
Ohmercyme,
Argh is an understatement...isn't it? But we continue with the hope that tomorrow is a new day and new possiblities.
Peaceful Journeys,
Linda S.
__________________ GOD IS TRUE! GOD IS FAITHFUL!
GOD IS LOVE!
Beloved, I wish above all things that you prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers. 3 John: 2 NIV
Anne, Ohmercy and Linda~ I have to give you guys HUGE KUDOS for remaining virgins in a time where that is not considered something to be proud of. That's extreme first off and very foremost!
Now Anne~ I was in a very similar situation. Slight difference is that my "friend" said that he knows that he's supposed to be with me and that he knows we're not supposed to be "that ox thing"... that's what he calls unequally yoked. So that gave me every inclination to think that he was it. He's been seeking God for some time and says the biggest reason why is because of what he sees in my life. That he wants that joy and hope for himself. And I thought that when he accepted God, then we'd be together. That's not quite what happened. He did the other girlfriend thing, which of course totally broke my heart. It was in that brokenhearted state that I asked God to show me what and who (if anybody) he had in store for me. I took a year off of dating and asked God to work in every aspect of my life. I asked Him that if this friend was who He had in store for me, then to change his heart. I also asked Him that if he wasn't who he had in store for me, then to change my heart. We know that the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can know it? I took great comfort in knowing that our Heavenly Father knows my heart. He knows me better than I know myself and He knows what's best for me... and you too.
I agree with Linda and get cofirmation from a few other witnesses. Also please remember to guard your heart. God doesn't change his mind. If he says No, then it's no... and if God says yes, then it's yes!
Jeremiah 29:11 states "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Trust your future husband to God. He has already picked him out for you. Just think, the guy that God picked out for you is out there somewhere wondering what you are doing right now. Regardless if it's Mark or somebody else, God will honor the commitment you've made to your future husband. And I believe that if Mark is who God has chosen for you, he'll wait until the two of you have gotten married. If you honor God through your relationship, then God will honor your relationship.
I'm in the process of reading this really good book. It's called "When God writes your love story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I wish with all my heart that I was still a virgin (negative experience that God has healed, Thank You, God!) so that I could give all that I think my husband deserves to him. Through this book, I'm learning the kind of love God wants us to have for our future husbands...even before we meet them.
I think you need to continue to pray for him, for his walk and for God's wisdom in your relationship with him.
I'll pray for you and Mark as well. Just remember Romans 8:28. We know all things work together for good to those that love God and are called according to His purpose.
Need Your Prayers & Christian Advice 
But we continue with the hope that tomorrow is a new day and new possiblities. 
