Needs advice on depression/diet/excercise

Weeza · 07-20-2005, 01:35 AM

I just can't seem to stay on a diet these days. I try to eat better and I want to lose weight but then I'll get really depressed and start eating bad again because I've always been an emotional eater. I can't seem to get motivated enough to get out there and excercise especially in this heat.

There are times during the month where I don't have much of an appetite and then I'll do fine but then there are the times I'm in PMS mode and then I become a human garbage can where I eat way too much and nothing ever satisfies me. I also become an emotional mess and unbelievably crabby to the point where I don't want to be around anyone because I'm afraid of saying something really mean and nasty and get into a huge fight. I just become a raging lunatic.

Anyway, I just get so depressed that I convince myself that I'll never be thin so what's the point in trying...... I'm upset that I just can't seem to keep up with my skinny friends and I feel inadequate because of that. I just get so tired of feeling that everyone including my friends think less of me because I'm so overweight. They try to sound supportive and sometimes compliment me or encourage me to find a guy but at the same time I feel like deep down they don't think anyone would ever date me. Maybe it's just me but that's totally the vibe that I'm getting.

I find myself constantly wishing that I was some petite, tiny, cute & feminine girl and I wonder why I got stuck with all these medical problems. Life would be so much easier if I were thin yet I can't motivate myself to try hard enough. It's even difficult to look in the mirror anymore because I can't stand what I see. I'm surrounded by TV and magazines with all these stunningly beautiful woman and it makes me so angry that when I look in the mirror all I see is ugliness. There are times I just want to quit trying completely and turn into a hermit so I won't have to deal with the self conciousness I feel every time someone looks at me and the inadequacy I feel every time someone ignores me. It's like I can't win. I feel bad if I'm noticed and even worse if I'm ignored. I feel like people don't even want to bother looking at me because I'm not worth looking at.

I also cringe if anyone gets too physically close to me because I'm terrified that they will notice my excess facial hair. I freak out if anyone gets close to touching my face in fear that they will feel stubble. I hate having to look at myself in the mirror every morning while I shave my face. I just don't know what to do anymore.

heather090702 · 07-20-2005, 03:32 AM

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way but I certainly know how you feel and so do many of the rest of the cysters!

I wish I could just hand you a big bag of motivation but unfortunately my powers are limited to support and encouragement. You really can do it if you put your entire effort into it.

Are you taking anything for your depression or talking to anyone? If not, I suggest that you do. Whether you choose to medicate or not, it really helps to talk to someone.

We're here for you ANYTIME you need us!

Sidenote:James Marsters is my secret crush. If Spike were an actual "person" he would be mine.

Heather

Weeza · 07-20-2005, 09:13 PM

I am not currently on any medication for anxiety or depression nor am I currently seeing any kind of therapist. I would like to find a therapist to talk to because I think it would really help me but I am so much in debt right now that I couldn't possibly afford to see anyone until next year. I just had to get work done on my car and I'm still trying to pay off some furniture I bought at the beginning of the year. Money has been tight so there is no way I can do it now.

Thanks for responding, Heather and thank you for the James Marsters side note. I actually read that this morning and it totally made my day. I've actually had the pleasure of meeting him 3 times. Feel free to PM me sometime and I'll fill you in on the details.

heather090702 · 07-20-2005, 10:57 PM

I'm sorry you are having money issues, I know how that goes! If you ever need to talk then feel free to PM me, I will always be willing to talk.

Please do tell me about your meetings with my imaginary boyfriend! PM me with details, lots and lots of details!

Heather

oaktreegirl · 07-21-2005, 12:56 AM

Hi Weeza, I can relate to some of the same issues you've experienced. It's taken me a while to accept my body as it is, and to learn to love it. The human body is quite a miracle. What somebody sees on the outside is just a small part of it. Ofcourse it's a struggle to tune out images and messages from tv, movies, magazines, advertizements, etc, as well as conversations of many of my friends. I often have to remind myself that I do not care about appearance. It's a daily struggle, but it gets easier with time.

By the way, there is a website, www.normaleating.com with a forum that discusses these issues. I actually heard about it from somebody here. (I'm sorry, I don't remember her name.) It will become a pay site soon, but if you can afford it, it's worthwhile. It's not a website about weight loss, but it is about eating habits.