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tronic · 07-19-2009, 06:01 PM

I'm new here, hi to all.

I need some backup! I thought I was handling things fine but in the last 4 weeks our relationship has basically collapsed to almost nothing.

Need scaffolding or bulldozer now, one of the 2. I'm not sure which.

I still love her but it's almost as if she is trying to force me away, in which case it would be kinder to just tell me.

Anyone else had a similar thing happen or have any tips? I'm pretty sure the mood swings from the hormones are contributing greatly to the wobbliness of everything. Maybe I've just become an idiot without realising it?

livanneluv · 07-21-2009, 03:48 PM

Just bumping your post - I think a lot of significant others probably experience this at some time or another, so I hope someone can comment and give some insight!

GOOD LUCK!

pinkfloweredfriend · 07-21-2009, 07:13 PM

Hi and welcome tronic,

I am new to this site and have found lots of answers and upliftment, so hopefully you will too. I have been married for almost two years and my husband and I have definitely had our ups and downs. Communication has really saved our marriage. I have had to really force myself to let my husband know what I need. Help encourage your wife/gf to let you know you are there for her, but you need her to tell you what you need. It is very hard to have pcos because like you said, there are a lot of emotional ups and downs, she may be depressed and pushing you away when what she really needs is for you to just love her anyway. She may feel very down on herself and push you away because she doesn't trust you with her feelings, or because she may not feel like you will understand her, or she may just feel that she doesn't deserve you. You will have to get to the root of it and if you really love her, you will. Don't give up, she will come around if you are sincere and believe me it will be worth it and your relationship will really grow.
Sorry for such a long post. Good Luck!

ABee · 07-23-2009, 09:36 PM

Hi Tronic,

Can you provide some details? Is your trying to conceive, had a recent miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy? Was she recently diagnosed with PCOS? If any of these things are a factor, she could easily be having a hard time accepting the situation and dealing with it. I just had an ectopic pregnancy and I know my partner is really suffering from my mood swings. I am trying to communicate a lot to him and it helps. He has had to be extra patient with me, though. I can't really explain how I'm feeling and he is in the dark a lot.

Communication really is key. Any patience you can manage is what will help you two through this, of course.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Please feel free to post more info to get more advice.

Angela

Patah83 · 07-28-2009, 11:36 PM

Sorry to hear that, dealing with PCOS can wreak havoc on you emotionally. Recently, I had a whole crying spell with my DH because I felt like he wasn't educating himself on my condition so I felt like he was uninvolved. Do you go with her to the doctor or offer to go? My DH wasn't and it caused me to feel very isolated with dealing with things and he isn't the most supportive when it comes to diet either. As far as bringing the love back- well do something that shows you care. Take her to a romantic dinner or horror flick (whatever you used to do for fun) and let her know how much she means to you and don't make it about the PCOS. Good luck!

jen8414 · 07-29-2009, 04:09 PM

I agree with these post. I know that my DH hasn't educated himself at all and I haven't had a really hard time with that but I do wish that instead of me having to tell him things that he would take the time to do some research. It's hard to explain the feelings and I know that I feel like this is all my fault and my burden to carry so I don't tell him enough. Plus I just can't answer his questions b/c I don't have the answers and I'm still learning about it as well. I think that you joining this webstie is great. I hope that you guys can get through this hard stuff.

tronic · 07-29-2009, 07:09 PM

thanks for all your comments. i just had a weak moment there and was reaching out for something, anything, to keep me sane. luckily for me there was a bunch of kindly folks such as yourselves to do the honours.

ive spent time and learned about pcos, i've been to the appointments, i've been supportive through any and all of the various things she has tried out to help with the depression and all the other symptoms. i run myself dry giving her compliments and trying my hardest to make her believe that i care so much about her. she just seems to have her own perspective on things which is so off the mark and I can't convince her otherwise no matter what i do.

we've had so many 'big talks' about things I sometimes think it has gone too far ad might as well end, but i'm too in love with her to just throw away what i remember us having.

i've started taking her out a couple of times a week to get a routine of sorts back into our social lives so maybe this will help.

british stiff-upper-lip is called for I think, even though it's the same old story for the last few years. I may have to think more after some time about what to do if things don't pick up.

thank you again for your supportive comments. fingers crossed.