A New Guy Friend?!?!?! (Should we have a relationship section?)

SN3W14 · 05-24-2006, 01:40 AM

Ok, so I didn't know where to put this! Maybe we should have a relationship section on here were we could talk about issues and ask for advice. (Please poll)

But anyway, I was with my ex-boyfriend for 3 years. He knew everything about me.(including PCOS) Now that we are not together I am soooooo scared to start talking to another guy. I am scared that he will not understand this whole PCOS issues. We haven't even went on our first date yet but I am worried already. I have been talking to him for 9 months on the 25th. When should I tell him? How should I tell him? How did you tell your DBF & DH

Saryann · 05-24-2006, 01:52 AM

this is one of those situations where it is just easier to tell them and get it out of the way, that way in the future he will be better prepared to handle anything that happens, and he will just generally be ready for it, besides it if bothers him, is he really they guy you want to see?

StarsHallowGirl · 05-24-2006, 02:08 AM

I told my boyfriend and he's very supportive. I'm lucky and he know I have body image issues because of the PCOS. So, he compliments me alot which has build my self confidence. Good luck, you should talk to him. I was scared to tell my guy but, relized If he truly is the right guy he'd understand. It worked out fo me and I hope it works well for you no matter what you decide.

jbtvs · 05-24-2006, 02:15 AM

Well, it'a personal issue. I would wait until the MOMENT when you think that there might be a future. You don't want to tell him the first ten minutes of your date if fifteen minutes into it you find out that he's just not somebody you could see yourself with. He should know before things get too serious (before engagement), but it could probably wait until after the first couple of dates. And that depends on your comfortability and openness. If you tell EVERYBODY about your PCOS the minute you meet them (because you like to get the word out, or whatever), then I guess you would tell a date soon, too. If you are like me and are more shy about the issue, I'd wait until I felt comfortable and felt a future was possible. Good luck and I agree with your relationships section idea!!!

SN3W14 · 05-24-2006, 02:44 AM

Thanks for all the answers!

StarsHallowGirl, How long did you wait to tell him?

StarsHallowGirl · 05-24-2006, 03:14 AM

we've been dating 6 1/2 weeks now. I told him after the first week. We go out on like 4 or 5 dates a week normally though. Plus I've known him a while. He is the guy I'm gonna marry though. He has even said that.

05-24-2006, 07:16 AM

First off, I voted no simply because I remember reading where Kat said there would be no new forums not because I think you have a bad suggestion.

Second, I agree with jbtvs. I would wait until I knew there was a future for us. When you tell him I think you should just be honest and help him understand all about PCOS. If he's a keeper chances are that he'll be totally supportive. I was already with my DH (DBF at the time) when I was diagnosed. (((hugs))) and Good luck to you!

Nimue_MB · 05-24-2006, 06:49 PM

I'd tell him as soon as you felt you were comfortable moving into a relationship with him/wanting to take the next step, like others have said. I did the same and it seemed to work well for me.

I think its better to find out sooner rather than later if they are going to be supportive of your symptoms. You don't want to spend time with someone and get emotionally invested to realize that they are not going to support you in your PCOS journey. Its going to be something that is always a part of you, no matter if you get your symptoms are under control, or if you are fighting to get them that way.

shllss · 05-24-2006, 07:59 PM

I think you have gotten some great advice above - I would agree with the waiting until you were comfortable in your relationship and that it was going to a diffrent level. You may find that this is someone that you don't connect with, although I hope you guys have a great time. If he is a keeper at all he will be supportive of you no matter what. Good luck.

Bethwyn · 05-24-2006, 08:07 PM

I agree with the others about waiting until you feel comfortable. For me, I am a pretty open person and I don't feel uncomfortable or embarrassed discussing my problems (PCOS, mental illness, infertility, etc) if it comes up in conversation or if someone asks, but I know not everyone is as open as me. Don't force yourself to tell him if you're not ready or don't feel comfortable, but take your time and do it in a way and at a time when you are ready. Whether it be when you feel you have a future with him, or before you go on your first date doesn't matter. What matters is that you make sure you are not feeling awkward or uneasy doing it.

Good luck hun

frenchie · 05-24-2006, 10:55 PM

I am sure it is differnet for everyone, I started dating a guy the end of March, We clicked pretty quick and have been seeing eachother almost every day since - I was going to wait to tell him, but after we had been going out for a few weeks, he asked me about my facial hair, Now while i was freaked out that he even noticed it - let alone asked about it - in fact I cried ( i figured he wouldnt want to see me anymore) I am glad that he did - It made it easier to talk about and I didnt have to figure out a way to bring up the subject.

Cameryn · 05-24-2006, 11:04 PM

I was married before I was dx'd, so it was more a relief to put a name to the symptoms I had than anything else.

As far as when to tell someone new, I agree with most of the advice above--once there's the possibility of a future or if somehow becomes relevant to the conversation.

Fyn_Hubby · 05-25-2006, 09:30 PM

*WARNING - MALE INPUT*
I'd give him a few dates before I brought it out. But, that's because I don't know the guy and how he thinks.

He might be the kind that doesn't want anything to do with it, or he might be like myself and several of the other guys around here that couldn't care less. If you think he's one of the "good" guys, then it probably won't be too big a deal to let him know early one, maybe even the first date depending on how it goes, and what kinds of things you end up talking about. If he seems pretty mature, and serious about starting up a relationship, then you probably don't need to put it off.

Get a feel for the guy, see what kind of things are important to him, and then decide based on that.

We'll all hope for the good guy, but it's a cold hard fact that the freakin' punks are out there too. There are a lot of times that I almost feel ashamed to be a man, simply because of how many of those guys are out there.

It's not something you should be worried about though. Nervous is fine, but you shouldn't be worried. If this guy's got a problem with it, then it's not a big deal. He's not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. If he's cool with it, then you may very well have a "keeper" on your hands.

I say get to know the fellow, and then decide, but don't worry about it on the first night, just relax and be yourself. Give him a chance to get to know you for you, and try to get to know him a little better too.

SN3W14 · 05-25-2006, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fyn_Hubby

*WARNING - MALE INPUT*
I'd give him a few dates before I brought it out. But, that's because I don't know the guy and how he thinks.

He might be the kind that doesn't want anything to do with it, or he might be like myself and several of the other guys around here that couldn't care less. If you think he's one of the "good" guys, then it probably won't be too big a deal to let him know early one, maybe even the first date depending on how it goes, and what kinds of things you end up talking about. If he seems pretty mature, and serious about starting up a relationship, then you probably don't need to put it off.

Get a feel for the guy, see what kind of things are important to him, and then decide based on that.

We'll all hope for the good guy, but it's a cold hard fact that the freakin' punks are out there too. There are a lot of times that I almost feel ashamed to be a man, simply because of how many of those guys are out there.

It's not something you should be worried about though. Nervous is fine, but you shouldn't be worried. If this guy's got a problem with it, then it's not a big deal. He's not the kind of guy you want to be with anyway. If he's cool with it, then you may very well have a "keeper" on your hands.

I say get to know the fellow, and then decide, but don't worry about it on the first night, just relax and be yourself. Give him a chance to get to know you for you, and try to get to know him a little better too.

I am so happy to hear from a males point of view. Thanks so much for your advice!

AudaciousFurball · 05-30-2006, 03:25 AM

How did you tell your DBF & DH[/quote]

I agree with everyone else on here. This is a trust issue and I would wait until you were comfortable enough with him before getting into that type of conversation.
I have been with my DBF for eight years and he joined my on my rocky ride to diagnosis (10/05), he was supportive all the way and great to talk to. I am forever grateful to have found such and understanding man.
Good luck to you and I hope it works out.