New here (children mentioned)

casey1 · 04-26-2004, 01:15 PM

Sadly this is the last place I want to be, but here I am. I started spotting a week ago Saturday. Monday I went to be already scheduled first ob visit and the baby had no HB on U/S. I had a D&C on Tuesday. I was 9w2d. On Wednesday morning I got up and went on a trip to Baltimore and D.C. with my DH and kids for spring break. So today is really the first day I have had to sit and deal with my feelings. I have a had a previous second trimester loss and I have three beautiful children. On one hand I feel incredible pain and loss and on the other I feel as though I am being selfish because I already have so much... This is bringing back much of the pain from my previous loss. I will want to try again and sooner rather than later as I just turned 40 and my DH is 47. I truly feel that there is a place for another child in our lives and I want that for us.

Erins_Mom · 04-26-2004, 03:02 PM

Casey - I KNOW exactly where you are coming from. Besides being an "old gal" like you (40 this Oct) I had a m/c last summer. I already was very blessed with a healthy happy beautiful daughter. I went through a period of feeling like my loss at 7 weeks didn't deserve the same recognition as those who suffer the unimaginable loss much later in pregnancy. I felt greedy in wanting another child when I already had what so many women would give everything for ... just ONE healthy child. I felt selfish for wanting to try again. I felt that perhaps I wasn't being satisfied with what I was so fortunate to already have. Over time I came to realize one simple truth. We all long to be a mother whether that is to one precious child or to many.

I can't imagine how women survive the loss of a pregnancy when they don't already have a beautiful child to wrap their arms around and love. My daughter literally forced me to keep moving. Without having a healthy child, the grieving process involves the loss of your future, and of what might have been. However the point was painfully driven home to me every time I look at my daughter.... I know in a very concrete, tangible way EXACTLY what I lost. I lost a child as wondrous and beautiful as Erin. Even now as I am pregnant with another miracle I still grieve the loss of the other baby.

The biggest take away point girlfriend is don't allow yourself to feel guilty for wanting another baby. At our age the decreased odds of success are just unfortunately part of the game. Please check in with us from time to time and let us know how you are doing. I'm sure we will see you on the pregnancy board sooner than you know. Many hugs!

*Clarissa* · 04-26-2004, 08:41 PM

Casey,

So sad to see you here. Sending you big ((((((((((hugs))))))))).

I hope to see no more November Mommies here. There can't be that many of them left.

I am so sorry for your loss. Things just seem to be going the wrong way for all of us. Too much sadness.

Don't feel bad for wanting more children. As long as you love them and protect them, and I'm sure you do, then have 100 more. Age doesn't matter.

Come and join me on the ttc after a loss thread when you feel ready. There are several former members of the Nov. list there. It is a very supportive, easy to vent to, understanding bunch.

Best of luck.

purpleprincessau · 04-26-2004, 10:13 PM

Last year I had a mc at the exact same stage
I've had a few more since then.
This has been the hardest year of my life.
I think it's sooooo important that you take care of yourself.
I'm so sorry your having to go through this
I think the onlything that get's me through some days is that the girls here understand what I'm going through
I hope you find the strength to get you through this
Purple