New to the site, need to cry/vent about my hair problems
Hi, I'm new to the site, and I need to cry/vent.
So I've really been trying to reevaluate my life the last few months, and there is one problem that holds me back--HAIR. I will be 32 next month, I was diagnosed at age 19. I am very overweight, but what bothers me most is the hair issue. I have it on my face, my chest, around my nipples, my stomach, it's really dark on my arms, and God help me, it's starting to grow on my back!! I feel like I'm not a real woman. How could a man accept me with all of this? That is my problem. That is why I've only had 1 "boyfriend." I use quotes because we saw each other 3 times, and he came over to my house to hang out all 3 times, we never even went out on a date. I'm almost 32, and that's all the experience I've had! And that was almost 6 years ago. Why? Because I feel like I'm a freak, and no man would be able to see past this. Bad enough that I'm 100 pounds overweight, but then to add the hair issues, and that's it. I am so ashamed, so embarrassed, I can't allow myself to be in situations where I might meet a man. And I rarely talk about it--I've discussed a bit with my mom, various doctors, and my therapist. I started to talk about it with my best friend, but I was so embarrassed, crying so much that I couldn't go on. I know logically that there are tons of women out there who have the same issues, but they're not all single, so there are kind, accepting men out there, but I just can't get myself to the point where I even try to date. Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest, and hopefully learn to live with this and trust that I can find someone who will accept me as I am.
what bothers me most is the hair issue. I have it on my face, my chest, around my nipples, my stomach, it's really dark on my arms, and God help me, it's starting to grow on my back!! I feel like I'm not a real woman. How could a man accept me with all of this? That is my problem.
The hair won't stop you getting a guy -- but the depression it creates might. It took my (now)DH to make me understand that there are plenty of men like him for whom the male-type hair isn't an issue. It didn't upset him that I shaved my moustache every day. Or that I was flat-chested.
Of course you're a real woman -- it's just that you have some features that are similar to those of men. What I do is shave my face every day and leave the rest. I reckon that there are a lot of men out there who don't mind a girl being hairy as long as they know what the reality is.
I was in almost the same situation as you are. I was 31 and convinced no man would ever want me.* Heck I was still a virgin and sure that I always would be.* I was overweight and very hairy.
* Guess what?** There are men out there who dont care.** You might have read my story on here before.* I have posted it in response to a couple of questions.* I still shave my face just like a guy.* I even shave my arms and my chest and my tummy and just about everywhere else too. I have some hair on my back too.* But I have been with the same guy for the last 18 months.* We are going to get married one of these days.* He is so warm and loving. Tells me everyday how lucky he is to have found me. That he loves me for me and does not care about the hair.
* My self esteem is much higher than before.* I have had several other guys ask me out since then.* Nothing else is different about me.* I just believe that I am loveable now.* If you believe it so will they. Best of luck.
I was in almost the same situation as you are. I was 31 and convinced no man would ever want me.* Heck I was still a virgin and sure that I always would be.* I was overweight and very hairy.
* Guess what?** There are men out there who dont care.** You might have read my story on here before.* I have posted it in response to a couple of questions.* I still shave my face just like a guy.* I even shave my arms and my chest and my tummy and just about everywhere else too. I have some hair on my back too.* But I have been with the same guy for the last 18 months.* We are going to get married one of these days.* He is so warm and loving. Tells me everyday how lucky he is to have found me. That he loves me for me and does not care about the hair.
* My self esteem is much higher than before.* I have had several other guys ask me out since then.* Nothing else is different about me.* I just believe that I am loveable now.* If you believe it so will they. Best of luck.
I agree. The sad thing is that we're so ready to jump to the conclusion that there are no guys out there who don't mind if we shave "like a man." Being convinced of that is most of the battle, I think. I've no doubt that there are plenty of men who wouldn't want a girl who shaves every day, but the fact that there are lots who don't mind at all should be a huge encouragement to us. Look at how many of us are happily married to guys who really don't mind.
Hey Kristen. I have had PCOS for about the same amount of time as you. I do know that the symptoms get better with weight loss. I know it's easier said than done. But it is possible. I tried Jenny Craig and it helped me to lose a lot of weight. Or any of the weight loss programs might be helpful. I hope things get better for you.
We are pretty alike. Diagnosed at 19 and now Im 31. I have hair all over the place and I used to freak out all the time about being intimate with someone because of the hair. Occasionally I read through my early posts on this site and cant believe I am the same person!
I worked hard to understand why I was isolating myself and eventually I let someone in two years ago. A sweet guy who I was scared to admit all the PCOS stuff to. I was embarresed and initially struggled to understand why he didnt have a problem with it. As a society we are saturated with images of supposed "beauty" that I regulary compared myself to and I felt like a hairy freak! To be honest I still do have bad days when I feel like this. I will no doubt be fighting this battle for a long time like so many other women in our situation. The difference is now that the hair is not my only measure of self worth.
Fast forward two years and I am engaged to that sweet guy. Honestly that man could get a job in a beauty salon for all the bits of me I get him to wax!! Im still a little funny about the hair on my face and he knows better than to enter the bathroom when the door is closed!
The only thing that bothers him about the hair is how it upsets me.
Trust me there are sweet men out there who dont fall for the "beauty myth" and see wonderful women like us for who we are.
Kel xo
__________________ KELLIE
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Diagnosed 1996 Irregular AF - TTC IBS & Reflux Loads of damn hair Hello efexor my old friend......geez we meet again after two years apart!
Re:New to the site, need to cry/vent about my hair problems
Don't worry. I have facial hair issues too. It grows on my chin and under my chin on my neck. Also on my stomach. I have found the more weight I was carrying around the worse the hair was. I have lost some weight and it seems to be helping with stopping more hair from popping up in other areas of my body. You could use the androgen blocking medication and have it lasered or use a cream from the Dr. or you could just shave it. I have an electric razor for women. It is the foil type and has all kinds of grooming attachments. I LOVE it. It works great and no razor issues. I used to pluck but would get ingrown hairs. That was not a welcome side effect.
Try to just concentrate on being the healthiest you possible and forget the rest.
By the way I am married and my hubby understands no one is perfect. He used to even help me pluck the hair under my chin that I had a hard time seeing. As long as you put your best foot forward grooming wise and health wise then that is all that matters hon. Do your best and forget the rest.
I probably had the hairiest legs of anyone that ever lived (even Sasquatch). I'd shave every day, but the hair was so dark and coarse that you could still see it through the skin. By mid-day, I had 12-o-clock shadow on my legs. I had it on the boobs too, and the arms. I never knew why. One day I read about PCOS in a magazine and realized thats what I had.
I started a diet and exercise regime that was very strict (low carb and exercise 4-5 times per week for an hour). I lost 80lbs, and the hair growth really slowed down. Once the PCOS wasn't getting any worse (was under control) I invested in Laser Hair Removal. Great investment. All the hair went away (after many treatments). Now my legs are baby-bottom smooth - even many years later.
Get your PCOS under control and have the laser done. It will change your life. It will make YOU feel better. Do it for yourself, even if you have to take out a personal loan to finance it.
That being said, I didn't have every inch of my body done. I still have some extra hair in a few places that only my husband can see (like the butt crack, if you must know). You know what? He doesn't care. When you let a man who loves you get close to your vagina, you could grow horns and a tail and he would probably not even notice. I'm sure there are some shallow men who do care. But what do you want with a shallow man anyway? Really, I mean it. Most men don't care a bit (in my experience anyway).
Be happy with yourself and a man will be happy too. After all, they have hair all over the place too. (Plus, if you have PCOS, you probably have extra testosteone, which makes you a sex kitten with a high sex drive. That'll make a man happy too - a woman who wants sex as much as he does..lol).
Also, and this is getting totally off topic, but I'm in a rambling mood tonight, what's up with shaving the "runway"? So many women nowadays get rid of all of their hair down there. It's kinda creepy to me. It makes me feel like some men are looking for their women to look pre-pubescent. Is this some kind of pedophile fettish? Okay, I realize there are probably women on this board who shave down there too....so I am backing away from the keyboard. No offense intended if you are brave enough to shave the runway for your man. In fact I have some extra Christmas tree lights if anyone wants to light the runway...errr...just PM me, all in the name of good will towards my cysters. Hmm...just occurred to me that maybe all the women who shave down there are married to air traffic controllers. I dunno.
I probably had the hairiest legs of anyone that ever lived (even Sasquatch). I'd shave every day, but the hair was so dark and coarse that you could still see it through the skin. By mid-day, I had 12-o-clock shadow on my legs.
I doubt if your legs were hairier than mine :-) But I just wear long skirts to cover them. As I've got older, though, my leg hair has thinned considerably.
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I still have some extra hair in a few places that only my husband can see (like the butt crack, if you must know). You know what? He doesn't care. When you let a man who loves you get close to your vagina, you could grow horns and a tail and he would probably not even notice. I'm sure there are some shallow men who do care. But what do you want with a shallow man anyway? Really, I mean it. Most men don't care a bit (in my experience anyway).
Be happy with yourself and a man will be happy too. After all, they have hair all over the place too. (Plus, if you have PCOS, you probably have extra testosteone, which makes you a sex kitten with a high sex drive. That'll make a man happy too - a woman who wants sex as much as he does..lol).
I think you've hit the nail on the head there. If a heterosexual guy has a wife who wants sex at least as much as he does and will work hard to make it a great experience for him and her, then he'll be really happy. And not only is he likely not to care about hair issues, I think that he'll probably associate his wife's "male" hair with her high testosterone levels that give her the sex drive. My DH has never looked at my hairiness in a negative way and was never put off by the fact that even when I first met him I was having to shave my moustache every day. I was about 40 when my beard started to grow in, but that didn't put him off either. He'll often nuzzle my bristly chin in the morning before I shave. And that's what he'll nuzzle when we get intimate, too. It seems that he associates the bristly upper lip and chin with the positive things about our relationship. Nobody's forcing him to do it -- he loves doing it.
You know, reading everyone's responses has really, really helped me a lot. I have been carrying this around for so long, spent half my life hiding. And I knew logically, with the number of women who have PCOS, they're not all single, they have significant others, so obviously there are decent men out there who aren't into the "perfect body" hype that the media puts out there, but I just couldn't imagine that it could happen to me. I guess a lot of this is the hair issue, but a lot of this has to do with my self-worth. But I do now feel inspired by those of you who replied to me, sharing your experience and success with finding a boyfriend/husband. It was more helpful that I thought it would be. I have already asked a friend of mine to take pictures of me soon, and I have vowed to try online dating (I don't know about you all, but I have a really hard time meeting people. There aren't many possibilities at work, and when I go out, I frankly end up going to bars with my gay best friend, so there's no help for me there to find a straight guy). So anyway, thank you for sharing your experiences with me, it really helped me more than you'll know.
I think what we ladies are forgetting to mention is that guys have unwanted hair too! I think we forget about that. Now granted, I think it's a lot harder for me to have a hairy bum in a bikini than my hubby to have one in long shorts, but they get self consious too. I never noticed my husband had a hairy back when we were dating, but now it is always covered. He always naired when we were dating. So guys go through some of it too... I have extreme body hair (everywhere) and some facial hair, but I don't get a beard. I think I spent hours shaving when we first started dating and I'm not sure when I finally let my guard down, but I eventually did and it didn't matter. If they love you, it doesn't matter. I'm sure he doesn't love my hair, but he loves me enough not to care or say anything about it. I've had PCOS since my teens and I've had several long term relationships, so don't give up!
Up until recently, I was so ashamed to even do any kind of research on the subject. I would just stay home and hide. The first time I went to the doc and asked about it, she wasn't very nice so I think that turned me off a bit. But inspite of myself a great guy found me and brought me out of my shell.
I think you just need to put yourself out there. It may be hard but just stop and say 'if I didn't self confidence issues, what would I do'. Then do it. Instead of crying at home I decided to go to a friend's party solo and it was a huge step for me.
Up until recently, I was so ashamed to even do any kind of research on the subject. I would just stay home and hide. The first time I went to the doc and asked about it, she wasn't very nice so I think that turned me off a bit. But inspite of myself a great guy found me and brought me out of my shell.
I think you just need to put yourself out there. It may be hard but just stop and say 'if I didn't self confidence issues, what would I do'. Then do it. Instead of crying at home I decided to go to a friend's party solo and it was a huge step for me.
I read your thread and felt half happy (as if I COULD feel happy about my situation) and half sad. Sad, because of what you and I and everyone here are going through yet happy because your story was as if written by myself.
Do you feel defined by your hair problem? I can say that I most certainly DO. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. It haunts me all day long. I am to the point of abosolute obsession over my face. I shave in the shower in the morning (Slim Twin's have saved me) and then cake on the makeup. I have myself fooled that I appear somewhat normal until I get to work. I work with all men so it is obvious that I say my obsession reaches a whole new level at work. Being men, they talk about "beautiful" women all day long. What is it about a man that can ruin my day? I just had two men walk in and the longer they stood here the smaller I became. I no longer feel that my name is Sara or that I am a 28 year old woman. I am hair. That sounds almost strange, but that is how my mindset has become. I have developed a habit of watching the eyes of people I am speaking with - watching how 99.9% of their eyese (including my own family) wonder down to my chin. That is when my whole being melts into a puddle and I am no longer a part of the conversation. I feel as if I have disappeared. To be honest, there are times when I wish I could. I am 28. I have never been on a date or been "pursued". I don't feel worthy and that is a tough emotion to deal with.
I can't say that it is a good thing to hear stories of other women in the situation because I don't feel any woman should have to go through this. I CAN say, though, that it is nice to be heard and get this off of my chest (even if the hair stays there.)
Do you feel defined by your hair problem? I can say that I most certainly DO. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. It haunts me all day long. I am to the point of abosolute obsession over my face. I shave in the shower in the morning (Slim Twin's have saved me) and then cake on the makeup. I have myself fooled that I appear somewhat normal until I get to work. I work with all men so it is obvious that I say my obsession reaches a whole new level at work. Being men, they talk about "beautiful" women all day long. What is it about a man that can ruin my day? I just had two men walk in and the longer they stood here the smaller I became. I no longer feel that my name is Sara or that I am a 28 year old woman. I am hair. That sounds almost strange, but that is how my mindset has become. I have developed a habit of watching the eyes of people I am speaking with - watching how 99.9% of their eyese (including my own family) wonder down to my chin. That is when my whole being melts into a puddle and I am no longer a part of the conversation. I feel as if I have disappeared. To be honest, there are times when I wish I could. I am 28. I have never been on a date or been "pursued". I don't feel worthy and that is a tough emotion to deal with.
I can't say that it is a good thing to hear stories of other women in the situation because I don't feel any woman should have to go through this. I CAN say, though, that it is nice to be heard and get this off of my chest (even if the hair stays there.)
OK, let's take this a step at a time.
Of course it hurts to have to shave like a man because we have moustache and/or beard growth like a man. None of us would have chosen that, but it doesn't need to define us in any negative sense.
Assuming we choose to remove moustache and beard growth, as virtually all of us do, there's the question of the best way to do it. Now, of course different methods suit different people, but dealing just with shaving for the moment, are you sure you've got the very best method of shaving? "Slim Twin"s don't carry the highest rating in most reviews. In fact they're well down the ratings for effectiveness. Are you absolutely certain they're the best for you? Personally, I favor a Philips Norelco men's-type rechargeable electric razor, but if I were going for wet shaving I'd probably use something like a Gillette Mach 3.
Is caked-on make-up really the best approach? I would think it would most certainly attract attention. Better to carry a rechargeable razor and shave in the washroom at lunch time.
As far as men are concerned, lots of us here who shave every day are happily married to men who don't mind the fact that we shave pretty well as often as they do. Certainly for myself it's a fact that within the family there's no embarrassment in referring to my moustache or beard using these names. They're a fact of life, after all, whether we'd choose it that way or not. If the men you work with are anything like the men that I know, they'll probably be far more interested in what's genuine than in some cover-up job. And if any of them should ask a question about your beard growth, just tell them the truth.
DH and I have told some of the male friends who occasionally stay in our home overnight about the fact that I shave -- in case they would see me in the morning before I'd shaved, or late at night when the bristles would be showing through -- and it hasn't spoiled my relationship with any of them in the slightest. Each of them was interested and they've all asked a few questions about it, but none of them was negative and they all seem to have appreciated being told. In fact, knowing that they've been positive about it has encouraged me enormously and I hope this will be a small encouragement to you, too.
New to the site, need to cry/vent about my hair problems 
