New (sorry, kinda long)....

mandirae23 · 09-15-2007, 11:40 PM

My dh and I separated in July after a 7 year marriage. It was rocky from the beginning. I am only 27 (going on 28 in October). Most people my age are just beginning to get married. We were never able to concieve, which is lucky now, because my dh decided in March that he didn't want kids anymore. In June, he announced he was leaving me. I was so depressed during June-July. August was a little easier to deal with because I moved, got new furniture and started back at college (my last year, thankfully). He wants us to stay separated during this year and each seek therapy. I have always had anxiety issues growing up. The therapist thinks I may have depression from all the crap I went through in my marriage and separation. I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist who will decide what med to put me on for depression/anxiety. I'm a little nervous because I don't want it messing with my Met or Spiro. I don't have health insurance, so I can only afford something on the Walmart $4 program. I'm just ready to feel better.

I am so lonely it's not even funny. I miss my dh but I know he was emotionally and verbally abusive. Of course, I never trusted him once after I found he had an emotional affair only 6 months into our marriage. I was anxious/stressed all the freaking time. And to top it all off, I think he's now seeing my "best friend"! Can you believe that?!?!? Since I've moved, I am living too far from my friends from church. I don't have any kind of support system during this trying time (my parents are ultra-conservative and have never supported me in anything). I don't have any friends at school. I have a roommate but we're nothing alike (she's EMO...if that's the current term they're using these days...and I'm middle-of-the-road type of person...just not trying to rock the boat). I wanted a roommate because I knew if I lived alone, the silence would make me suicidal at the time. It's nice to hear the noise in the house, but at the same time, I just want privacy. I mostly just want to get back together with my dh. My heart aches for him every day. Every night, as I lay in bed alone, that is the hardest. I miss him way too much. I just don't know what I'll do if we end up divorced. I come from an ultraconservative church-going family who is highly against divorce. I can't imagine a life in the future without him. It makes me too sad to think about it.

Anyone else out there going through a separation/divorce? Can you shed any suggestions on how to deal with it?

ScreamingBeauty · 09-16-2007, 01:40 AM

I am not going through a divorce right now but i wanted to welcome you to the boards. I have had my heart broken before and i know how hard it is to think you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone and they just change and don't want the same things anymore. don't blame yourself babe! Life has a messed up way of teaching you sometimes but you will come away from this wiser and stronger! whether you stay with him or not. its hard to let go of someone who has had any kind of affair but sometimes you have to. it'd been years since it's ended with the person who i used to talk about children and marriage with and even though he cheated on my physically, i still have feelings for him. i feel so stupid sometimes. but trust me, it'll get better. it may never fully go away but you will learn how to live.

i'm glad to hear you are talking to a therapist and back in school. you deff need something to fill the time with. to keep you from thinking. finishing school will give you a lot of pride. its something you are doing on your own. you can stand on your own. don't worry about the fact that all your friends seem to be getting married and your not getting the support you deserve. you came to a great place! everyone here is sooo sweet and encouraging. I wish you the best of luck in making new friends and finishing school. Message me anytime you want. i am here for YOU!