newbie with q on coping....

Crystal4314 · 12-04-2003, 01:57 PM

Hi everyone

I've been ttc#1 for a while now, and had an early m/c on aug 23rd 2003. That was the only time I've been PG. We're back to ttc again now, and hoping for another miracle.

Do any of you have any tips on how to help the healing process?

I decided to name the baby I lost... people tell me that thats weird. I dont know if my child would have been a boy or girl, but i had a girl feeling, and the name Giovanna Faith came to me one night out of the blue. I do feel better for naming her. My DH hates the idea totally though, so I dont use her name around him.

Is there anything that you have found helpful? some commemerative item, or a little doll to represent the baby / babies you lost?

Thanks girls, I'm looking forward to your answers. I know I'm at a stage where I need to stop dwelling on what I have lost and appreciate what I have, but some days it's so hard not to think of how far PG I'd be, and so on.

love and hugs to all

Kaymara · 12-04-2003, 08:50 PM

I am very sorry to hear about your loss (((hugs)))

As you can see by my signature below I have only been pregnant 1 time as well and it resulted in a loss...

As far as coping it is 1 day at a time. I bought a book called coping with miscarraige which helped alot. I also started a journal to write down all my thoughts, feelings, poems etc and it was so nice to be able to vent even if it didn't make sense. I also had a "memorial" for my lil one. I bought a pink and a blue balloon and I wrote on them to my angel baby, gone but not forgotten and I released them into the air.

As far as dwelling goes i STILL think about the loss I had. It doesn't go away, it just eases some with time. Always know it is ok to cry, to vent, to grieve etc. We are all here for you. You are not alone.

take care and again I am sorry for your loss!

AmyKathleen · 12-05-2003, 01:00 PM

Crystal
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't think that naming the baby is dumb at all. Frankly, I think it's insensitive of someone to tell you it's weird. I have had 3 losses and they are all named. To memorialize them, I have one of those Italian Charm bracelets with the little individual links you can buy. I have 2 boy charms for my 2 living boys, and 3 angel charms for my angels. When people ask me how many children I have, I tell them 2 here and 3 upstairs.

stormspirit · 12-05-2003, 01:32 PM

I just wanted to mention that I love the bracelet idea. I don't have any kids yet, but have had one m/c, and I think I'm going to get a charm braclet with an angel charm. Such a touching idea.

Leigh Ann

Crystal4314 · 12-05-2003, 03:04 PM

Thanks girls ((((Hugs))))

I was thinking that what I might do, is find a necklace that says 'Angel' and get a little birthstone gem for April (when she would have been due) and fasten it on

Ber22 · 12-07-2003, 11:10 PM

I know how hard it is to move on. I've had two early losses in the past four months and I'm reeling with grief right now. It doesn't feel right to me to name my little ones, but I think of them by the nicknames I had for them when I was still pregnant. I have a hand-crafted beaded bracelet with different colored beads that I wear almost every day to help me remember.
I also donated some toys for Christmas in honor of them. There is a really cool poem that I think was originally posted by daleann, I'll try to find it and give it a bump. It has helped me a lot.
I find working out and talking with my friends/family helps a lot. I also have started to see a therapist and am taking meds to help me sleep. I think over time the pain lessens, but I know I'll always have a wistfulness that the pregnancies didn't work out.
I wish you healing and hope.
Ber

Katia · 12-07-2003, 11:39 PM

I am very sorry for your loss. I think that you need to grieve in whatever way it feels right for you.....and no one can tell you how you should grieve. When I miscarried last month, I went and bought an angel ornament for my Christmas tree. I will always remember my little baby when I hang that ornament on my tree each year. I think the idea of donating toys is a wonderful idea as well. But you need to do whatever feels right for you. If it feels right to name the baby, then you should.
Take care,
Katia

angelzmom · 12-08-2003, 11:23 AM

Crystal

I am very sorry for your loss. I have a necklace that has 3 angels with my angels birthstones in them. And I think that we do need to name our children no matter how long they are with us. I did not name my first child/ lost to vanishing twin syndrome, until after I was dealing with the second twin being stillborn. But I think that was a very important part of my healing.

I love your idea about getting the necklace with angel on it and the April birthstone - what a special way to remember a beautiful angel named Giovanna Faith.

Take Care
Kath

Crystal4314 · 12-08-2003, 12:04 PM

Thanks everyone *hugs*

I find it really comforting to know you girls understand