~Traci~

I hated to post here b/c I am pg now but there is a problem. I didn't know where else to go. I can't talk to anyone in real life, even my DH. My DH thinks that I am taking everything way too much right now and turning it around to make it seem like it's never happened to anyone else. This morning I asked him how many women or even couples here's heard of before that this has happened to, he didn't answer me (I know that he has never heard of it either...) So here's my story:

I am pg w/ one but originally there were 4 that implanted. I have 1 sac w/ yolk sac & h/b (the good one!); 1 w/ sac & yolk sac that's questionable; and 2 other sacs w/ nothing in them. It's tearing me up inside knowing that I essentially will only have 1 baby when my body tried to make 4. It's a m/c but it's also not in a way. I've been spotting for almost a month (w/ 1 day that was 4 hrs of heavy bleeding) which this could be the cause or it could be something else, none of my drs know. Everyone that I've tried to talk to has told me that I need to find someone that knows what I'm talking about to talk to about this but I just can't b/c no one understands. And besides, I don't know anyone outside of family except for the few people that I work w/ and none of them would understand b/c they've never even had a m/c. My own DH doesn't even understand and just thinks it's no big deal but he doesn't realize that my heart is breaking little by little every day....

Thanks for reading.
Traci

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Married 5 years (1/16/03) to my wonderful husband!
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1 DD (B: 9/06; A: 8/07)
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2 fur kitties- Tabitha & Magic (8)
9 angels
TTC #2 when I'm @ a healthier weight!

Terri

I am so sorry that your heart is breaking girl. I myself cannot relate to what you are going through and nor could I even pretend. What I do understand is heartbreak though. I am sorry that you will not be coming out of this with your four babies...but they will always be with you. I know that doesn't help now though.

I am sorry hon.... and although we cannot empathize we can certainly sympathize and you have friends here.

Lots of ((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

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Me-30 DH-31
Furbaby Leo
DX PCOS 04/04

My Angel-
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SHAMUS CURTIS:February 20/2005.

TTC #2 met 2000mg daily
Nov.7/2006---hsg---all CLEAR
SA/blood work Nov.10/2006
RE follow up Nov.30/06.

deblynnc

Traci,

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I had a similar situation (though with 2 babies, not 4). After 3 early miscarriages/chemical pregnancies, I'm currently pregnant with one baby, but the pregnancy started as twins...we even saw both heartbeats. Then at 7w 1d, I started bleeding ... it was really heavy with 2 huge clots. I was sure I had lost both babies. When we went in the next morning for another u/s, one of the babies no longer had a heartbeat. Two weeks later, that baby had disappeared completely.

I will always feel the loss of my baby... of all the babies I might have had. But I deal with it best by focusing my attention on the baby that will be here in another 4 1/2 months.

Let yourself grieve in whatever way you need to. Cry, write a journal, have your own private memorial for your lost angels. You have experienced a very real loss that most people can't relate to. But also remind yourself constantly of the miracle of life that is still growing inside you and what a blessing that is.

I hope this helps some. E-mail me if you need to talk more. deblynnc@yahoo.com

Debbie

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BelleMere

I can't imagine how you must feel - it has to be very confusing and distressing. I am in the process of miscarrying, but just one. I remember for the first few weeks being very emotionally distressed - I didn't know what to feel, if I was coming or going. It sounds like you feel much the same. What gave me peace in the end was writing a letter to the baby about my hopes and dreams for her and how I thought her life would be (it's amazing how much of a picture we have of the child(ren)'s life even when we've been pregnant for only a few months. My DH doesn't know about this letter. I carry it in my purse. But writing the letter and getting all that down on paper really helped me to find some closure and be able to do what I needed to do despite the m/c. Forgive your husband - he can 't feel the same way you do because it's not happening inside his body. It's much more intimate for us. He probably just wants to be able to focus on the two babies that will live.

sparrow

angeleyes, a loss is a loss, and you have every right to your feelings. Yes, you have been blessed with a viable pregnancy, but no one can replace the babies your body tried to conceive. My last m/c was a blighted ovum, and essentially there was no "baby", but it was still a pregnancy loss. Even losing the hope of a child or children is sometimes devastating. I agree with BelleMere that your DH may have a harder time relating to all of this since it's not going on inside him. It just feels different for us, I think.

I pray that you will take time to grieve and nurture your feelings. Visit us as often as you need to.

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age 33~DH 36
dx w/PCOS 6/98
TTC since 2/01
m/c 1/4/02 @ 6 wks
m/c 7/24/02 @ 9 wks
Prenatal vitamin
2 rounds of Clomid failed
2 rounds of Pergonal failed
Rest cycle (no meds): +HPT 9/5/03
DD born 5/1/04
"Carry a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come." -- Chinese proverb

Huggies

((((Traci))))), I'm think of you and dh and praying for you. Hugs,

Renee