No will to live

scottishsweetie · 12-26-2007, 06:18 PM

Nothing is working. I am so fat, all alone, and broke. I have been dumped by every man I have ever gone out with- the last one dumped me for my best friend (of 21 years- we grew up together- we were like sisters) so it was a double betrayal. I stopped looking for a partner and tried to concentrate on myself, and it seems like all I get is screwed over. My psychiatrist asked me if I was looking for new friends, and I honestly told her NO! I am tired of putting myself in the position of getting stomped on! I mean some people might think that I am putting on the self-pity, but I am telling the truth! I can't trust or confide in anyone! I had a horrible fight with my brother's girlfriend last week and she made up some horrible lies about me and told my mother- who didn't believe her, but I thought we were friends! so I GIVE UP!!!! I am losing my will to live. I keep hearing that things will turn around- but it has been 13 years of trying to start my life, and I am tired of getting treated like crap by everyone. My cat died yesterday- I am on the edge.

kellie105 · 12-26-2007, 06:22 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this..I cant imagine the pain that you must be going through...please take care of yourself and realize that in the end when everyone else is gone, you still have you. Take a break and if you feel like you may do something rash- please get help. Not everyone can do it by themselves all the time.

Anonykat · 12-26-2007, 06:27 PM

Hon, please go to the ER before you do anything rash. I think many of us have felt like this at one time or other in our lives.

SnowFlower · 12-26-2007, 06:45 PM

I am so sorry you are going through so much. That is awful of your "friend" and ex as well as your kitty who passed and your brothers girlfriend.

Honestly sometimes the world we live in feels like high school over and over again in certain situations. At my sons school most of the moms are a bit older than I am but the gossip and "friends" and betrayal is like a soap opera and back in high school crap. I dont get it. I dont have many real friends at all and the ones I have all live in different states besides my mom.

I cant really help with the guys part since I am married but they suck. Dating seems like its all about head games. I wish I had better advice but I think and believe there is someone out there for you. You just have to kiss all the darn toads first!!

I understand about the trust and confiding. Its hard when you cant do that or when you do it and get betrayed.

Just dont give up. There is always a rainbow behind the clouds. If you really feel bad then call someone... a help line or your Dr...
Dont let yourself get to a point where you want to end your life and if you are there please get help. There is so much support on these boards and as a fellow animal lover I know how hard it is to lose a furbaby. I am here if you ever want to talk...

SnowFlower · 12-26-2007, 06:57 PM

This is for Sidney...

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

SnowFlower · 12-26-2007, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonykat

Hon, please go to the ER before you do anything rash. I think many of us have felt like this at one time or other in our lives.

I agree.. they are there to help people

nanciedrew · 12-26-2007, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottishsweetie

Nothing is working. I am so fat, all alone, and broke. I have been dumped by every man I have ever gone out with- the last one dumped me for my best friend (of 21 years- we grew up together- we were like sisters) so it was a double betrayal. I stopped looking for a partner and tried to concentrate on myself, and it seems like all I get is screwed over. My psychiatrist asked me if I was looking for new friends, and I honestly told her NO! I am tired of putting myself in the position of getting stomped on! I mean some people might think that I am putting on the self-pity, but I am telling the truth! I can't trust or confide in anyone! I had a horrible fight with my brother's girlfriend last week and she made up some horrible lies about me and told my mother- who didn't believe her, but I thought we were friends! so I GIVE UP!!!! I am losing my will to live. I keep hearing that things will turn around- but it has been 13 years of trying to start my life, and I am tired of getting treated like crap by everyone. My cat died yesterday- I am on the edge.

We had one of our fur babies die at the end of October. Puffy died of heart failure from an enlarged heart. His lungs filled with fluid and he was drowning in his own fluid when we discovered he was sick. We rushed him to the vet, but it was too late.

http://www.catster.com/cats/119351/in/stroll/
I haven't had the heart to update his web page. Mini Cooper died february 23, 2006 when he escaped out the back door and was hit by a car. I haven't had the heart to updeate his web page either. He was my best cat friend and I still miss him terribly. http://www.catster.com/cats/119357

I swear losing a cat has got to be as bad as losing a child. I am so, so, so sorry you lost Sidney. I know he will be waiting for you.

I know how you feel. I think all of us soulcysters have felt that way at one time or another. All I can say is that your cats truly think/thought you were worthy of love just the way you are. Cats are such honest creatures that it must be true. The best thing you can do is to learn to love yourself the way your cats love you. Then then rest of the world will figure it out.

Nan

scottishsweetie · 12-26-2007, 11:50 PM

Not because I am sad, but because you beautiful women give me hope, and understand that Sidney was not just a cat, but my special baby for 13 years. My other cats keep looking for him, and that makes me sad to tell them that little Sid isn't coming home, but I will love them just as much. I am just so sad- the sadness is overwhelming. I know- day by day- but usually Sidney would be sitting on my mouse pad right now pawing at my hand as I type and biting my fingers, wanting his mama's attention.
Men SUCK. I have kissed 1000000000 toads. Where is my prince?? Why am I waiting for my life to begin at 32??? I guess I wanted a house and a family and all that by now, but I am nowhere near it. I may never be, and I might have to learn to cope with that.
Thank you ladies- I love you!

LackyBand · 12-27-2007, 07:25 AM

The unconditional love and acceptance that a pet gives us is priceless. I am so sorry to hear your cat died. I know how you feel. {{{Hug}}} I can't think of anything else to say, but if you could see my face, you'd know what I meant.

I know what you mean about being stomped on. It is so tempting to become some hard arse b!tch just so that you don't get hurt. But that sucks, because then you don't get to feel any of the good stuff either. Yes, men are cruel, vicious bastards. Over the years my self esteem has been beaten into such a bloody pulp that I find it difficult to think that I deserve to be happy. Or that I am worth loving. Right at the moment, if some guy checks me out, the first thing I think is that my skirt must be stuck in my panties, or that I have some big booger on my face. I never think that i might actually be attractive enough to someone for them to check me out.

In primary school, I had buck teeth. I did the best damn impression of bugs bunny any of the kids had seen. As a self defense mechanism, I made the jokes about me before anyone else could. I was the class clown, and they liked me for it. Now, I just joke about my weight - and it kills me.

It kills me to think that there are a million other women my man would probably love to be with, but he is locked in with me

We have been having some horrible times lately. I have been so close to running a few times, just to protect myself from the hurt and embarrassment.

Stupid as I am, I love him. I just hope he doesn't stomp on my heart again.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to dump this on you. It means a lot to me to know that there is a kindred spirit out there.

dillydaydreams · 12-27-2007, 12:44 PM

Sooooooooo sorry to hear about your cat, u must be devastated! About been fat alone and broke, I'm broke as I'm sure this time of year everyone is. U will find your prince someday, but you need to stop putting yourself down, easier said than done with PCOS, as in my case I have terrible trouble keeping my weight down, I'm 3 stones overweight, have fertility probs, but had IVF and got lucky and now have a beautiful baby boy (didn't happen overnight) 1st go of IVF. Get electrolysis regular, haven't shaved legs or bikini in 12yrs (waxing) since then, so combination of all these things helps me look half way normal, Oh A GHD hair straightener is a must! Wish I knew how to make u feel better about your cat only that he or she would want u to stop putting yourself down. I have kissed the frogs too but even when u do meet your prince he will make u happy, and he's definitely your prince if he can make u angry like no one else can ha ha!!!! Back me up here girls. Life can be ****e at times so the only way is up now, hope this has helped, I tend to waffle at times. Best wishes and may 2008 be a great one for u x

scottishsweetie · 12-29-2007, 04:03 PM

Oh ladies ladies ladies.

My car was severly vandolized the night before last. All windows broken and my tires slashed with the driver's side door beat in with a bat. Remember me being broke as a joke? My insurance covers vandolism, but with a $500 deductible plus what the insurance company is calling 'depreciated value' of my tires (replacing old with new) that insurance WON'T cover. Remember when I said I was broke as a joke? I can't pay for this and I have nowhere to turn! I have nothing more to sell and I have nobody to help me- NOBODY. This has been the worst week of my life!!!!!!! WHY would someone just trash my car? The kicker- I was parked at my PARENT'S house!!!!! Not in some trashy part of Atlanta- but in their subdivision where I grew up!!!! When I asked my dad for help, all I got was a lecture on how I need to be prepared for things like this with stores of money and what is it going to take to get through my 'thick skull' not to blow every dime I make???? YEAH!!! RIGHT! Every dime I make go to bills, not to mention the $600+ I had to pay the vet only to have my cat DIE in the month of December which in turn makes me not able to pay my car payment!!!!!! So Dad won't help and I am SCREWED.

vancouverNicole · 12-29-2007, 04:23 PM

Oh my goodness. I can't believe how much you are going through! You seem like a strong person.
Have you tried calling a local crisis line? They might have information about social programs or assistance for the financial side of things, or might be able to provide info on free counseling for all that you're going through... failing that, they're good listeners.

12-29-2007, 04:58 PM

You are allowed to miss a pet, there is hardly a day goes bye I don't think of my first dog who passed away 8 years ago. Sometimes animals are more reliable than humans!

Anonykat · 12-29-2007, 06:54 PM

Oh, that really sucks. Since we moved to this craphole of a town, we've had ID theft (drained our accounts), my lifetime collection of CD's (a wallet with hundred or two of them) stolen by the mechanic, and stuff (UPS deliveries) stolen right off our front porch by our idiotic meth whore neighbor. So I know what you're talking about - it's sooooooooooooo enraging!!! I don't know why people have to pull that kind of crap. I'm so sorry. Hopefully the mechanic will let you work out a payment plan.

Would it make you too crazy to move in with your folks for a while? that way you could save on rent/mortgage and get caught up with everything else.

Hope things start looking up for you. As a fellow cat lover, I wonder if another little furball might help you through this rough patch. Nothing can replace the one you lost, but having a new one to love might ease the pain of all this stress.

nanciedrew · 12-30-2007, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scottishsweetie

Oh ladies ladies ladies.
I can't pay for this and I have nowhere to turn! I have nothing more to sell and I have nobody to help me- NOBODY. .

I am right there with you. My car was hit by a hit and run drunk driver while it was parked in front of my house. They totalled the car and no way could I afford a new one so I used the money from the totaled car and bought the car back. I also spent some money I didn't have fixing the windshield wipers and the drivers side mirror. Well yesterday I went to get into my car and the door handle fell off. Apparently someone tried to pry off the door handle to break into the car. of course since my car was totaled, the damage is uninsured. I'll probably need a whole new door. Also although I was assured that the structure of the car was sound, I can tell the joint of the rear tire that he his is damaged. I probably shouldn't be driving it but its all I have.

I'm also unemployed and have huge medical bills and am living off credit cards while I desparately look for a job. I was working with my dad, but he died. I also have $1000 vet bill from when my cat puffy died. I swear I can't take one more thing, then something else crappy happens. I know you can relate! We better emerge from under this dark cloud really soon that's all I can say.

I do have to admit good things are happening too though. I did get a temp job for a few weeks, I do have the credit to keep me going for another month or two, and I do still have 7 wonderful cats. I think I ought to start writing another gratitude journal again.

Nan