Nobody is getting it...

foostar · 10-13-2006, 04:48 PM

For a couple of months now, my depression (which I've had for years) has been getting worse by the day, until the point where I find myself honestly wondering whether the world would be better without me.

Nobody seems to understand why I'm always ill, that I'm not looking for sympathy just advice and understanding... they don't get who I am, what I try to say... it's like everything I say is taken out of context and I can't take it anymore.

Some idiot on a forum decided to pick on me the other day because I mentioned I'd had anaemia (due to flooding, which I didn't mention) - picking on isn't enough of a word, it was bullying. I'm full of a virus at the moment, my PCOS is getting worse, depression is awful and I'm having panic attacks, and it took everything not to let myself tip over the edge. I'd already had a bad day and I ended up taking a razor to my leg, slashing myself until it stopped hurting inside.

I'm so angry with myself.

vicandla · 10-13-2006, 05:52 PM

I just wanted to send you some (((hugs)))), I am sorry someone attacked you on another board, I am sorry you aren't feeling well, I am sorry you had to cut yourself. I have to ask you this are you seeing a therapist or a doctor about your depression, and your PCOS? if you are and the dr isn't doing his/her job you should find someone else, I am sorry you are hurting sweetie, If I was where you are I would give you a hug inperson, Your life means something, I know you have people who love you and you have your cysters, We are here, If you need to talk anytime. Take Care.

foostar · 10-13-2006, 06:43 PM

Thank you... aw, that made me feel better!

I'm seeing a counsellor, but haven't been able to see her for a few weeks due to illness (both mine and hers) and it's getting me down because I rely on it. The doctor has me on diazepam for the panics and says he may have to give me anti-depressants if it carries on... I don't know, just feel like my life's being tipped all over the place.

vicandla · 10-13-2006, 09:39 PM

I have been there the feeling like the whole world crashing down on you, Try to keep your chin up and keep posting, We are here for you, Take care, (((((hugs))))) Be good to yourself!!!!

DollFin511 · 10-13-2006, 10:13 PM

Foostar, have you considered checking into a hospital? I'm NOT saying you are crazy or anything like that, I really understand the situation... I had a friend who suffered with depression due to severe sexual abuse, and she also cut herself. She went into the hospital for a couple weeks, and it helped her so much. Please do something... don't put off counseling just because your therapist is sick. If you are getting worse, something more needs to be done. In the hospital, they can help you, and observe you all day long for a few days (or however long you need it) to make sure the program they find is working. Maybe you just need a break. Maybe then people would BELIEVE that you are sick, and it isn't just "in your head." You deserve to feel better, and don't deserve to be made to feel like you have to resort to physically hurting yourself because you hurt so much inside. Your pain IS real, it doesn't have to SHOW. Please, even if you have to call 911 on yourself, or tell a friend to, do SOMETHING... today!

foostar · 10-13-2006, 10:44 PM

Thanks..

I've been in hospital, it didn't work for me - the mental health service over here is much worse than even the papers say. It damaged me for life, and couldn't go back there I'm afraid.

It's not just my counsellor who is sick, it's me as well.. I've built up a trust with her after 7 months and seeing someone else would be far too hard.

Suppose I just need to chill.

DollFin511 · 10-13-2006, 11:16 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that. It is supposed to help, and made you worse, how awful. I hope you find something that helps.

tldann67 · 10-13-2006, 11:17 PM

I think we should be buddies. Please please feel free to cry on my shoulder. i feel alot of the same things you do. I have never cut myself but I have felt the helplessness and the lonliness of nobody understanding. I have been told that it is all in my head and that there is somethign wrong in my head. that I may be crazy. I have been called a hypochondriac and I feel too that nobody gets it.
So please talk to me, I think we can understand each other.

foostar · 10-13-2006, 11:24 PM

Huge hugs tldann67

You can talk to me whenever you want.

thisfreakingsucks · 10-17-2006, 01:37 PM

i really cant say much about the cutting
i do it myself
but there is a song that REALLY helps me
its my superchic[k] its called hero
here are the lyrics that i relate to OH so well and maybe u can too

No one talks to her, she feels so alone
Shes in too much pain to survive on her own
The hurt she cant handle overflows to a knife
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life
Each day she goes on is a day that she is brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she saves
When she throws out the pills a hero is made

i love it u should get it