Is this normal???

Pebbles74 · 06-22-2006, 09:29 PM

Hi
I am fairly new to this whole wonderful world of PCOS.... I just recently found out that one of our friends was expecting, we haven't been really close to them just due to busy lifestyles, My DH actually hasn't spoken too him in close to a year when out of the blue we get a phone call that their expecting I am very happy for them they have a lot of obstacles in their relationship. About a month ago a got an invitation to the baby shower, i had no intention of going, (I really only know the girl, and her husband so i felt awckward...) So, anyway I was guilted into going by Dh who doesn't want to lose touch, so I went It was awful there were four other pregnant girls there all talking about their experiencesall i could feel was jealousy, like why can't that be me?? It should be me, am I that terrible of a person that I don't deserve this?? What Did I do to deserve this??? then i got asked the question: "do you have children?" I said no and the woman who asked me said why not don't you want any" I almost lost it there!!! I cried the entire way home I could not control myself... I've even asked my Dh why he would want to stay with me, I have even told him i am sorry and told him he should find someone that doesn't have these issues because he deserves to be happy..
i am sorry for the long rant, but I need to know if this o.k why should I be jealous? It is not right to feel like this...

Sarah23 · 06-23-2006, 03:59 AM

Hello-

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and, I think it's pretty normal too. I remember feeling very much the same when I was diagnosed with pcos and then spent 2 years TTC after that. I never actually said it out loud, but I was thinking about telling my husband that it would be okay for him to leave, as I didn't want to deprive him of having his own children. I'm sure he would have said I was being rediculous, but that's really how I felt at the time. Luckily, it didn't come to that. Just remember that your husband married you for who you are and because he loves you, without strings attached. I'm sure if he were the one with the fertility issues, you wouldn't think of being with anyone else, nor would you consider leaving him to find somoene without a "problem".

Hang in there! I know it seems that you'll never get your wish, but keep the faith and keep fighting. One way or another, there will be a resolution to this, and I pray that it's positive and that it's soon!

Take care!

~Sarah~

Pebbles74 · 06-23-2006, 02:11 PM

Thanks, some days are worse than others for me. But my DH has stuck by me and told me he wishes that he could be the one dealing with this, I have just been having a bad year so far altogether, health and work related. I guess I am getting impatient, Everyone always asks when we are going to have children and we keep telling them someday soon, but they look at us strange and I don't feel I need to tell them well we are having problems so it may take a while I don't want to be looked at that I am broken...

06-23-2006, 07:59 PM

Hugs

Pebbles74 · 06-23-2006, 09:28 PM

thanks

Sarah23 · 06-24-2006, 01:53 AM

I know what you mean, I've felt "defective" too. You get angry because you feel betrayed by your own body. Think of it this way, people have to take medications for various different reasons to get their bodies to function the way that they were intended to function. Whether that be for infertility, for diabetis, heart disease, etc etc. A pretty large percentage of the population has something that's "defective" - but the good news is that we're living in a time of advanced medical technologies, where there's usually something that can be done about it.

Hang in there! When someone asks you when you're going to have kids, just simply say, "eventually". If they probe further, just say "When the time is right". You don't have to get into specifics. I personally found it a good idea to tell people that I have "issues" so it might take awhile - that way, the word will spread and you're less likely to have people asking you all the time.

Hope you're having a better day today!

~Sarah~

BedtimeBear · 06-24-2006, 03:27 AM

Yes, it is perfectly normal to feel that way. Whenever anyone asks me if I have kids I always say "unfortunately no". They usually get the drift but sometimes they ask more questions and I tell them that I have a medical problem and leave it at that. My friends (most of them have kids) know about my PCOS and the infertility problems and are very understanding. I know that not all people are understanding or sensitive to what other people feel. Take care. Hugs!!