Not going to make it............

StormsDreams · 09-26-2006, 12:13 AM

Oh today is just bareable...(SP)..went back to work today...and got the stares and the uncomfortable silence...but i made it...then i come home and i have a headache, and just feel depressed....then stupid me checked out my birth club...(and if any of you read this i am so sorry)...but they are all so happy and have these great bellies, they have the nursery planned out and .....and i am empty....and just so hurt....they all look great...and i can barely function....just feeling really sad...........

HopefulCyster · 09-26-2006, 01:10 AM

HUGS SWEETIE! I know its hard, I really do understand. I still have days when I don't think I will stop crying... but it does get better with time hunnie, it really does. It takes a long time, a lot of tears and a lot of soul searching... but in time, it does it to the point where life somewhat goes back to normal. Please, give your self time to grieve, heal and cry... you need to go through this, wether you feel like it or not. Hang in there, we are all here for you.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

*~SugarPlums~* · 09-26-2006, 01:18 AM

(((((hugs))))) I know how you feel. You think your ready but it is actually very hard to get back into 'the real world'. It's difficult, and I don't want to tell you things you really don't want to hear but this is such a great place to vent so just let it all out.

SheriKCMO · 09-26-2006, 03:25 AM

i'm sorry you're back at work!! there's no way i could have done it so soon. you are incedible just to have gotten through the day!! ((hugs!!))

and it's definitely torturing youself to visit the due date thread. i have daily contact on a different board with several of my old due date buddies, and i think it was more painful seeing those kids turn 2 this spring than it even was at the beginning of my grief journey when they were still bellies.

there will always be someone missing in our lives.

i just want you to know that it's completely okay to protect yourself from that environment when you need to!!

~Tasha~ · 09-26-2006, 08:04 AM

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I just had a loss at 19 weeks two weeks ago. I still havn't really gone out because I can't face anybody. I am going to have to soon.

You are so brave to face what you have faced. Its one step forward.

HUGS

annem84 · 09-26-2006, 03:57 PM

I am so sorry. I go back to work next Monday and am dreading every moment of it. You take all the time you need. People, I am sure, they understand that you are going to be emotional and you have every right to be that way. ((hugs))

biogal · 09-26-2006, 04:08 PM

StromsDreams, I wish I could jump to wherever you are and give you the biggest hug!! I had a m/c at 11.5 weeks last week on my 30th b-day (it was my 1st pregnancy) and am feeling exactly how you are right now. I was suppose to go back to work today, but just couldn't do it. I am planning to go tomorrow and know that I will need to be strong. You are an amazingly strong woman who can get through anything because you are getting through this. I truly think that getting back to a routine is going to help me move forward in the healing process, which I assume is why you also went back so soon. I personally need something else to occupy my brain. We have to believe that time will help us heal or we wouldn't be able to make it through a single day.

I have told many of my closest friends that the two big feelings that I am experiencing are emptiness since the baby is no longer with me and a sense of being totally lost and not knowing where to go or what to do ... I imagine that you are feeling this too?! After ttc for 15 months and then finally gettign bfp my mind went 100mph forward planning out our life with baby ... my mind was totally focused on baby ... what baby will look like, what baby's name will be, whether baby would be a boy or a girl, etc..., so now that I don't have that to think about I feel lost. All I think about is how I don't have that anymore, which makes me wrought with grief.

Dh and I decided that we want to memorialize our baby, so we've decided to plant a tree in our front yard. We are both outdoor enthusiests, so a tree seemed appropriate for us. Plus, we thought that a tree that blossoms in the spring would be symbolic of the spring baby we were suppose to have. I think that this plan has given me something to focus my attention on and has helped us to move forward.

I hope that by sharing my story with you I've made you feel that you're not alone. Nothing I can say will take away your pain, but just know that you are not alone and that I'm here to listen whenever you want to express any of your feelings of sadness, anger, etc... Huge hugs and much strength is being sent your way. We will get through this! Hugs, Niki

*Clarissa* · 09-26-2006, 05:25 PM

Just wanted to give hugs to all.

I know this time period is hard. I have no idea how you handeled going back to work so soon. Take things slow, if you just cannot do it one day just do not go. Take time for yourself and please do not push yourself to feel the way others expect you to feel. You need to cry, scream, whatever you need, just worry about you right now.

Big Hugs.

Tinkkerbell714 · 09-26-2006, 09:03 PM

(((Hugs Sweetie))) I can't say I know how you feel but my heart does go out to you and your family. Hang in there.

VivC · 09-28-2006, 12:42 AM

((hugs)). I still stalk some of the January -04 Mommies. In a way, it feels good to think, "Oh, Rivi would have looked like that/been doing that." In another way, it's heartbreaking.

What you're feeling is perfectly normal, and okay. ((hugs))

Viv

StormsDreams · 09-28-2006, 01:38 AM

Thanks everyone....today was jsut draining....my cousin had her baby two days before mine.,..she needed me to watch her and i reluctantly did...first time i held a baby since mines......my husband refused.....i have these intense feelings to have another baby.....i am just drained,,,,but know that i have you ladies to turn to....