Not sure what to do?

Nubie · 03-23-2006, 06:29 PM

Please forgive me if I am posting in the wrong section. My girlfriend and I have been together for several years. She was only recently diagnosed with PCOS. It provided a lot of relief knowing why her moods and behaviour changed so often with no apparent reason. I love her dearly and want to help her. She is having a difficult time dealing with the prospect of her symptoms worsening. Also she has a weight battle and has had one from the first day that I met her.
She is a beautiful woman and I can't express how much I want to be with her for life, yet she has a hard time believing me. I know it is an immense struggle for women to deal with this disorder, so how do I help her feel comfortable when we are intimate. Tears and uncomfortable body language give me enough of an indication that she is ashamed of how she looks. I think she is physically attractive in every way but it's her inner beauty that make me want to marry her.

It's just hard to see her suffer silently. It seems as though all I can do is stand by the sidelines. I try to encourage her by giving healthy suggestion for meals ( when she asks me ). I try to be sensitive in many ways....but it all seems to no avail!

Help please?

waiting.for.baby · 03-23-2006, 07:18 PM

Wow, I applaud you for your support! Us cysters need more men like you! Anyway, I would suggest to continue being there for her, and to please please please be patient with things such as mood swings. These are things I continuisly tell my husband, but he never "gets it" all the time. The mood swings are really uncontrollable and it's important for you to understand this and be patient with her when these occur. It causes a lot of tension when our loved and close ones don't understand. Also, has her doctor prescribed anything to help her? If she battles with weight, like so many of us here, she is most likely Insulin Resistant (IR). There are medications that help for this, such as a drug called Metformin. I take this and it helps, it really does. I am losing weight more easily with a low carb, high protein diet that people with IR should follow.

The fear of intimacy is a whole other battle, though. I know how this feels first hand. As if being overweight isn't enough, there are other symptoms (that she may or may not have) such as hirtuism, or male-patterned hair growth (face, breasts/chests, belly, arms, etc.). Intimacy can be difficult to face with this symptom, but I promise if you continue to show her that you love her regardless, she will eventually overcome this. When I was first diagnosed, I used to cry all the time. I hated it, and I hated myself more. Eventually, I learned to live with it, deal with it, treat it, and move on with my life, hoping for the best. I'm sure she will too. It gets better everyday.

I wish you all the luck!

Oh, and by the way, refer her to this website! She will love it here. We are very supportive and there's SOOOO much info here about PCOS, as you probably already know. She will feel comforted here, knowing that there are options and others just like her. There are thousands here : )

starlite · 03-23-2006, 07:21 PM

You are so sweet. I got tears in my eyes. She is very lucky to have someone like you care so much for her. It is very difficult for some of us sometimes to see that it's not what we look like. I myself have self conscious feelings all the time even though I know it's what's on the inside that counts. Has she been to a pcos knowledgeable doctor? I would suggest maybe an endocrinologist. They could help her with possible meds that could help and a good healthy diet plan possibly. The sooner she can get things in check, the better at controlling the symptoms. Also, have her check out this site. It has helped me immensely. Just knowing that she's not alone could help. There’s a wealth of information here and great women to listen and/or give advice with their own experience. Again, it's great that you're taking such an interest. Hope all works out for you both!

Nubie · 03-23-2006, 07:34 PM

Thank you so much for your reply. I was beginning to feel lost. My girfriend isn't on any medication apart from BC's ( yasmin, i think ). I think her Dr sucks. She wants to control her insulin through her diet as she is somewhat scared of medication. From what I know her Dr hasn't referred her to any dietician.

I wish she had more courage in counselling though. I think she is on a downward path for depression. I will definitely encourage her to look at this site. It is truly amazing. I have learned so much. I just wish there were more men here to discuss how they deal with things.

ajhyer · 03-24-2006, 03:20 AM

Like what others have said, all you can do is be supportive of her. Also, maybe do some research for her and print things out for her to read. Show her that you can about her health and you want to help her in any way she needs you to help. Maybe if you could help in small ways. Cook dinners for her that are low carb high protein and suggest the two of you go for walks together to get her exercising. Go to doctor appoinments with her and ask the doctor the questions yourself. Take as active a role as she will let you and always show her that you love her. More guys need to be like you!

Pattyannruss · 03-24-2006, 03:38 AM

Depression is a cruel thing. It takes over the mind and makes us think things differently. Mostly negitive.

I would say..Hey honey look what I found for you.
Get her set up her with us. Even the two of you being here together can open the comunication in your relationship.

Anyone overweight will have issues with their body. So continue to tell her how much you love her. Build her up!

Do get her set up here so she can see she is not alone.

Patty

Nubie · 03-24-2006, 03:51 AM

Thanks again for all of your replies. I have been doing a lot of reading and will take note of the advice. You have no idea how valuable this is to me.

Thanks ever so much again!! You ladies are great.

3angels · 03-28-2006, 06:13 AM

Let your girlfriend know that she needs to be her own advocate.. If she isn't happy with her gyn go get a new one.. My old gyn basically treated my pcos as a slight problem so I called around and found a gyn that was well aware of pcos (many gyns do not keep themselves up to date on the latest treatment options) you can also find some books on pcos at your bookstore I find that by having something to reference from time to time helps me alot.. When I was diagnosed with this "lovely little problem" I was 50 pounds overweight alot of the symptoms I had began to lessen when I put myself on a diabetic diet... within about 4 or 5 months my pms symptoms lessened and my tiredness and mood swings became less frequent.. the best benefit of all was that I went from a size 16 to a 7 in a little over 12 months I still maintain a diabetic diet and I have kept the weight off for 3 years.. I am sure that with a caring partner like you she too can fight this..