shandris

Not sure what to feel right now. For some reason i never really got confortable with this pregnancy. i was happy and all, but after my second beta total did not double from the first (though it was very close) I have been shielding myself from getting too excited about this pregnancy. Sort of a self protection thing.

I went to the ER today because I had bleeding...the U/S tech tried to listen for a heartbeat and it was a flatline...I didn't see anything in my uterus...it is so freaky. So now I don't know what to think. he says I probably have been m/cing for a while now and my body is just now getting around to trying to normalize itself...hence the bleeding. I bleed some on Monday but tried not to get too upset...now I just feel numb. I knew it was coming...this makes me so mad...why do some ladies have it so easy...they don't even want their babies and I want one...never mind..I am sure you all know what I mean.
Is it wrong to feel like I just wanna forget this..I wish I hadn't told anyone.
If we ever do get pregnant I will not tell anyone until I start showing...at this point I don't even know if I can hold a pregnancy. A part of me just wants to give up...man I am pissed, but I don't know who or what to be mad at.

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Anonykat

You poor thing. I'm so sorry.

dstaiger

i'm so sorry. platitudes can't help right now, but know that we are all here supporting you. please be good to yourself.

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SheriKCMO

I am so sorry. This story is painfully similar to mine, a later loss then an early one. I fell into a depression that was so dark, I wished I would get a terminal illness. Please promise me that you will get some meds if you reach that point. My hormones finally kicked in and helped me feel better when the next ovulation happened. I hope you find your way up sooner than that. The loss of hope was indescribable, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. (((((Hugs)))))

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Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs

First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.

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Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks

Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w

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Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w

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Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs

Missyinbama

I'm so sorry. I felt exactly like that after my first loss. It was so unexpected. I was a mess. I wanted to die really. I was mad at the world. I stopped leaving the house because I'd rather sit there and cry. I went to therapy for a little while, and was put on zoloft. It helped alot. I wish none of us had to feel this pain. We're all here to listen and try to help.

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papillion38

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could type something to help you through this.