Rivka

Hi everyone,

So this Thanksgiving we will be at my aunt's house. I love my aunt but ... whenever we go to her house I end up seeing this guy I used to have a crush on since she's friends with his family (I asked him out all year freshman year of college and he said "yes" and then always came up with excuses why he couldn't meet up with me. At the end of the year he said "I can't see you this weekend - I will be partying. Maybe I'll see you in a year.")

In the past when I saw him at my aunt's post-blow off I was pre-PCOS (was diagnosed at age 25). Now I am 50 pounds overweight and even though I am trying to lose it definitely shows in my face (and hips and tummy to some etent but mostly the face).

All of his family members are super thin and fit ... all of mine are too except my dad, but he's only a few pounds overweight and looks really good for age 63. My brother's girlfriend and her sister will be there too and they are thin. AAHHHH! I don't know what to do anymore!

To top it all off my mom (also skinny) makes constant comments about, "I'M not eating this piece of pie since I'm already having a piece of this one - hint hint!" or "I would save some of your calories for your birthday cake" (my birthday is Nov 29th, two days after Tday).

One of my friends invited me to her place for Thanksgiving and I wish I could go but I know my family would be sad and hurt if I weren't there (my brother told me he would be upset) so I guess I will just have to go .... but I almost wish I could just go into hibernation and not come out until after the holidays are over (we are seeing my dad's sister and her family right around Christmas). I just don't want to see any more pictures of how I look now versus how I looked pre-PCOS or hear more comments.

I thought of "getting sick" or just scheduling my train ticket to come the day after Thanksgiving so I could see the rest of the family but not have to deal with former crush while eating at a table with everyone else there looking thin and healthy (and some acting like they look good). Don't really know what to do

Rivka

Sorry if that post was long .... also just found out that we are having it at his house this year. Even better!

dillydaydreams

Hi, sorry to hear you are so stressed about been a little overweight.
I always feel the same when a big event is coming up, but when I get there, and I'm all dressed up etc, I look good sometimes, so basically get all dressed up, get your hair done etc and I bet you will look fabulous. Some people are very slim but that doesn't mean they look better than you. I totally understand where you are coming from as struggle with my weight, I'm not huge but not comfortable, seeing a dietiten etc so hoping to lose 30lbs at least.
When you are there and if someone says you look nice say thankyou and return the compliment.
I bet everyone that will be at that table, couldn't care less who is or isn't overweight, they will all be there to enjoy themselves, and probably worrying about something about themselves.
U go and have fun!

jbcorliss

I also have the common problem, being so much heavier with PCOS. I have gained 50 lbs too and I just hate family gatherings with pictures when the rest of my family looks normal. I almost look swollen, like everything's puffy.

It sucks, I totally understand!

siamlovex2

Rivka,

I can relate to you very much, as I, too, have gained a lot of weight (25 lbs) recently due to IR and PCOS, so I look "different" now than I did when I was thinner (and prettier). Like you, I now feel very uncomfortable in social situations, especially where there are people who used to know me when I was thinner or people who are especially judgmental about weight and appearance.

Just to give you an example: about 3 months ago, my dbf's daughter was getting married, so of course, he and I were invited to the wedding. I was stressed about going because I have gained so much weight and his two adult daughters (both gorgeous and thin) and ex-wife (who always looks great) was going to see me and wonder why I have gotten so fat since they last saw me (and also wonder why their dad and ex was still with me). And there was bound to be a LOT of photos taken and I didn't want to be the fattest, bloated-looking one in all of them!

Well, since there was no way I could get out of going to the wedding, I decided to do what dillydaydreams mentioned and look as nice as I possibly could. I bought a fabulous designer dress that was flattering on me, cute shoes, and had my hair and nails professionally done. Looking as good as I possibly could gave me a little added boost of confidence; I was still a little nervous at the wedding but I concentrated on smiling a lot and making small talk with the friendliest people there I could find. My dbf knew I was anxious, so he stuck by me as much as he could (being the father of the bride and all) and either had his arm around me or held my hand frequently.

As it turned out, his daughters and ex-wife were so busy and stressed with the wedding, I don't think they noticed me much. And there was a very nice Greek lady at the wedding who kept complementing me on my dress and hair despite my obvious weight gain. So, I made my dbf happy by being at the wedding with him and I was able to survive the whole thing with my dignity and self-esteem still intact.

Sorry this story was so long, but I just wanted to make the point that we all have to deal with those uncomfortable social situations from time to time. And despite our PCOS and other related illnesses changing our appearance, we still have to live our lives and inevitably face the "thinner and luckier than us" people in our lives.

In your case, my guess is that your family would love for you to be there and although they may notice your weight gain, they'll probably notice more whether or not you look happy. So go to your Thanksgiving dinner with a big smile and be proud of yourself regardless of what others think! If people there are giving you funny looks, then they are small in character and don't deserve having a wonderful person like you in their lives anyway!

Rivka

Thanks! I did manage to survive. Everyone there was thin and with their "significant other" (including former crush) but I put on some nice earrings, lipstick, did my hair, smiled and my gay cousin told me I looked good (gay guys usually have good fashion sense) so even though my dad made a "fat insinuation" comment (and my mom told former crush I had no job) I did manage to survive and not feel totally lame for being single either!