oh i am so mad{this is just a pretty poem i sent out}and listen to the response Igot

Rebecca's Mom · 01-23-2006, 02:37 PM

When God calls little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold,
So He picks a little rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
So He takes but a few,
To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, still, somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows will always be "Good-bye."
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind,
Must realize God loves little children.....Angels are hard to find.

Good morning Tricia. The light o f the sun will soon be appearing in the distance. Then it will be like the Lord's love enveloping us. Whether it is covered by clouds or not, it still encloses us with His love and expectation of goodness. Please feel and expect God to help you and heal you. Continuing to dwell on loss, will only feel loss. I don't expect that you will ever get over this, but pleae do not dwell on death. Concentrate on trusting again. The Lord's will is best for us, always

Scott gave me some music that is helping me. HANDS LIFTED HIGH Dennis Jernigan. I like all the songs, but the 3rd one is really helpful.. "WHEN THE NIGHT IS FALLING" calls me into His presence as He declares, "How much He loves me when all my dreams fall apart. See if you can find it.

I am tring to be helpful. If this evokes an angry response, please write it down and send it to me. Yell at God, yell at me, express your self in any way you can. I believe it will help you get over this hard mountain ans start looking to the future, and God's goodness.

love and blessings, Mom I am praying for you

Rebecca's Mom · 01-23-2006, 02:38 PM

this is from my mother in law see what I mean i can not even take the words of a pretty poem and share with out her making it out to be me dwelling on my child.......i got knock her out

NYC Sapphire · 01-23-2006, 04:06 PM

I thought her message was nice. The poem was regarding lossing a baby, so a person can safely assume that it was in regards to your baby you lost. But I really thought her reply back was nice. She may see that you are still hurting and at some point everyone has to move forward in order to heal properly.

Iluvstjohn · 01-23-2006, 04:08 PM

I think she was trying to help in her way. I think your loss is still so raw and "new" in your eyes. It might be for some time to come.....You probably will never forget, but you will move on...in your own time. Many others will move on faster, as they feel the need to. Just know that it is your loss and you will grieve the way you need to/want to. Also know that it will get better and you will be able to see things differently some day. Hang in there....it's still so new...

Rebecca's Mom · 01-23-2006, 04:21 PM

well see i was just passing on a poem that is pretty and thats the response i get,

Iluvstjohn · 01-23-2006, 05:01 PM

I think it's more personal for you, obviously...I wouldn't take it to heart. MAybe, have you thought about seeing a therapist? It helps a lot...talking about your feelings to a "neutral party" often helps...just venting helps too. I think you are in the process of healing, and as it has many levels...this is just one of them. I hope brighter days are ahead for you..

Rebecca's Mom · 01-23-2006, 05:11 PM

yeah but see every time i try to talk to her or most people thats there words get over it don't dweel on it, my goodness I lost my baby, and wanted to share a poem and thats the response i get i can't afford a therpist, but i am going to start a group who understands how long it takes to get over the loss of your baby dying but i don't start it until next month, i just feel people that are in your life should be there to support you and not make you look crazy.....the sunday after i had her my mil's response was now you don't think about it you move on....

Iluvstjohn · 01-23-2006, 05:17 PM

dont' forget...."older" people tend to deal with grief like that. "back in their day" many many women lost babies just due to the fact that infant mortality rates were much much higher. I find older people's responses and actions much different from my younger, more compassionate friends. People probably told them to "forget it"...ya know?
****You wil find that the most supportive and understanding people regarding infant loss are probably not your immediate family! LOL....maybe friends, maybe others who have gone through it...but sometimes family can be "not so helpful!".....
try not to take it to heart....look forward to that group...I bet it will do wonders for you! It will help you put things into perspective...
holly

SheriKCMO · 01-23-2006, 05:20 PM

The parents alone are the ones who end up carrying this burden. Grandparents find a way to move on much sooner, and everyone else does so very quickly. After all, it's not their heart that is shattered into a million pieces. There is also a difference between her generation and yours in how we deal with loss.

It's probably time to keep these special thoughts to yourself and your husband and not share. I don't think that poem dwells on death or keeps you from progressing in your journey. Making sense of it is a big part of feeling better for a lot of parents. If this poem speaks to you, keep it for yourself. You could even print it out for the memory box.

Rebecca's Mom · 01-23-2006, 05:30 PM

i know a friend of mine gave it tome its in a mellinume box for 2006 at halmark with a angel sitting a baby angel free and one of my customers gave it to me and the angels are white and one angel is holding the baby angel up so it can fly to heaven.....thanks for your response the stuff she say's about jesus is pretty i know god is here for me and will help me but the other stuff is heart breaking, the don't dwel, i love my baby

VivC · 01-23-2006, 05:51 PM

Tricia, I'm sorry your MIL doesn't understand. You'll never forget Rebecca, you'll never get over losing her. One, day, it will be easier, but this will never be over - you'll always miss her.

And, you'll grieve and heal at your own pace. I don't think therapy is always necessary - sometimes, muddling through on our own is enough. If you feel suicidal or are still spending days in bed, depressed, in a few months, then you might consider seeing someone.

This forum was a HUGE form of therapy for me. We all understand, and you can talk about Rebecca as much as you'd like here.

JJL · 01-25-2006, 10:54 PM

Hi ,
I have that poem too and a little angel that came with it
lifting another little angel
I lost my triplets 10/24/05 at 17 weeks
two boys and two girls
Julain Jaden and Lilly
I love them and miss them lots
I still cry not every day any more but
still pretty much, I do think its the hardest
thing I have went therw ever to delv
my babies and hold them and see them
and not be able to have them...
But God knows why and I trust in that,, some days you get mad
and hurt more then others
some people have no idea what your going threw and that can be hard
but most of all your empty
Please know there are groups and people to talk to
and you will get better time will help you heal
If you want to talk ever please feel free I know how you feel...

nourania · 01-25-2006, 11:11 PM

Tricia,
"Dwell" all you want sweetie........Rebecca Grace IS your daughter and you can grieve,cry, and "dwell" because you lost your baby.....Don't listen to anyone, because this is your situation and your situation only.....I lost a baby in April of 2004, almost 2 years ago...guess what? I cried for my little baby yesterday, almost 2years have gone by. Am I dwelling?? NO! I am a mother without a baby, as are you, my dear.
-Rani

mertletheeturtle · 01-30-2006, 12:44 PM

I have to agree with Rani and Viv. It's not something that you will ever "get over". You'll always remember but, as time passes it will get easier to "move forward". You should never forget. It's been over 2 years from my m/c's and I'll never forget about them. Every now and then I cry thinking about them but, I don't think that's "dwelling", I think it's "remembering".......

GabrielsMom · 01-30-2006, 07:12 PM

Dwelling on it is the only way to process it. I struggle with this myself since I just lost my brother. You can't go around it, you can only go through it. I think your MIL meant well, but she just doesn't understand how hard it is to "move on" when your heart has been shattered like this. Pay no attention to her, and deal with it as you see fit. I think it is healthier to "dwell" on it than to be in denial and suppress your feelings.

That said, I do believe that seeking the Lord and His healing is definitely a good thing. My brother's funeral service was probably the most comforting funeral I ever went to. I sang Amazing Grace and It Is Well With My Soul on the top of my lungs and thought of him up in heaven with Gabriel. Grieve, but also praise the Lord. He will carry you through this.

Hugs,
Adrianne