Jazzi1675

I have been playing Superwoman since March when I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had TTC for 10 years and have PCOS and a tiny cervix. I finally got pregnant last year and in March I was so stressed that a m/c was eminent. Due to my diabetes and the risk of harm to me and the fetus-I had to have the baby removed. He would have been due Sept. 19 and I keep looking his little urn (stores his ashes) and bursting into tears. I was on chlomid this month and it failed. I feel overwhelmed with sadness and like a failure. I keep watching A Baby Story and torturing myself. I try to tell myself to accept that I will always be the mother of one and let it go. I had my child as a teenager-I just wanted the chance to do this right and ejnoy it. Its like a terrible cycle-sad over baby-mad at myself for being sad-depressed about losing this dream. I have tried everything meditating on the positives of having 1 child, accepting that this is the Lord's will for my life, looking into adoption-it all feels like failure. I admit it I cannot deal with this alone. What suggestions do you all have for me?