Ok, what about low sex drive and fat wives?

DolciLady · 05-30-2002, 02:26 PM

My previous post launched me into some thought.

My hubby has a very low sex drive....always seems to have had one, since he was celibate for 15 years, from the time he was 18yrs old til he met me. (It was not celibacy for any moral or religous reasons, either. Lack of opportunity and he didn't go "looking" for a date/partner...just kept to himself.)

Any tips/feedback on this?

And tell the truth...if you have a fat wife....does that EVER turn you off? No matter how many times you say "I love you regardless".....be honest here. Yes, you may worship your fat wife....but does it EVER effect your wanting to have sex with her? I can say that "f" word because I'm fat! LOL

Rhoadie · 05-30-2002, 03:08 PM

Well,
Honestly it kind of does turn me off. (but not that much) But she is more bothered by her weight than I am. She is a nursing student and I work a lot. It’s kind of rare that she is in the mood. She used to have a high sex drive, but now it is pretty much dead. It would be nice if she looked like one of the Playboy models. (I could never trust one, they never seen to be a real intelligent people. All of the thin girls I meet in college left a lot to be desired, no personality to make them desirable in my book.)

I did not marry based on looks. They fade in time; personality is what I looked for. I got a girl who now has to degrees to her name. I wanted someone who could make me laugh, and have intelligent conversations.

It really angers me to hear her talk about her self is a negative fashion. I hate the F word myself. (I stand 6’0 and weigh in at 160 lbs soaking wet, so the word does not apply to me, but never the less I don’t like that word.

I had a low sex drive until I quit smoking. That’s why I had no sex drive.

Just my 2 cents

MorpheusOB · 05-30-2002, 04:14 PM

There are rare times when it affects me, but very, very rare. Her weight is much less a factor than other things - pressure to perform, fighting, etc.

Find out wht your DH did during those 15 years. Was his sex drive as low then? Did he use porn, etc.? Sometimes the porn can be the problem, either because he is used to looking at other kinds of women, or maybe he is used to being alone, or his own...umm..touch and technique?

Some suggestions, if you or he think it is porn related...have him try BBW porn, if he hasn't already. That may get him used to looking at chubby girls; and try masturbating together and slowly incorporate your touch with his. (Sorry if this is blunt, I don't know if there are any acronym for some of this stuff

).

Since I'm trying to sound like a sex columnist, hears a quote from a real one, Dan Savage: (again, sorry for the bluntness)

(http://www.theonionavclub.com/avclub...avage3819.html)

"One potential pitfall of youthful masturbation, however, is habituating yourself to a particular kind of stimulation. If you masturbate in the exact same way every time, or if you hold your c-ck in a death grip every time, you may find it difficult to climax as the result of other, more subtle sensations. So don't grip yourself too firmly, and don't masturbate by humping the same scratchy bit of your mattress over and over again. Make an effort to vary your style, and you'll make an easier transition from your own right hand to the less intense, more subtle, and infinitely more pleasurable sensations provided in your true love's tw-t, throat, and tush."

DolciLady · 05-30-2002, 04:38 PM

Thank you very much for your candid honesty. It helps more than you know!

Taah's DH · 06-01-2002, 06:13 AM

I can honestly say 100% her weight has never ever turned me off. I think she looks beautiful all over and I am not just saying that because I love her. She turned me on before I fell in love with her and she still turns me on now. I was attracted to her before and I am attracted to her now. And before you ask, no I have not always dated bbw. Most of the girlfriends I had before were small girls, my wife is a larger women and the pcos has affected her weight gain but I honestly am still very attracted to her. She has more of a problem with her weight and she sees herself bigger than she really is, I think alot of the women do that. Sometimes the women also want to make the weight a issue when its not, if someone is attracted to you, just believe it and enjoy it don't always question it and think its impossible. Thats the turn off, talking about yourself in a negative way, putting negative pics in our minds, let us enjoy your beautiful bodies and leave the negative comments out of it. Thats just my opinion..

JODY

SoulHubby · 06-03-2002, 03:19 PM

Josh put it better than I could have. I love my wife dearly, and she never ceases to get my engine running (so to speak).

Addendum: While I have worried about my wifes health in the past. Since her treatment started, I've not.

Hope this clears things up a bit.

-Eric

MorpheusOB · 06-03-2002, 06:02 PM

Just to address the issue a little more than i did in my last post:

Remember, this is the way my wife looked when I first met her. I assume this is the same situation for most couples on the board. If I wasn't attracted to her, we wouldn't be together today.

I think it could be a different situation for couple where everyone looks one way at the beginning and then gaines weight, or goes through other changes that one person is not prepared to see happed in their mate.

CTCyster · 06-03-2002, 06:10 PM

The truth is depressing

Aimee

Pattii Roseenow · 06-04-2002, 12:20 AM

Okayy thaat wass coool and noww sincee im' ME i HAVVE to throww myy pennys inn (two centss!)Anyyhow i thinnk it'ss innterestting thaat growwing upp(teen yearrs--god! soo longg ago andd farr awayy!LOL)evveryone(maless)treatted me likke i wass some kinnda Hippo w/ a thyyroid prob., noww thatt im' fasst approacching 30 andd im' aboutt 100lbs heavvier and happily marriedd to a guyy whoo useed too hanng out winndows yellling "heyy FATT chickk!" att annyone nott acctivelyy annorexic, guyys that i weent to HS w/ arre comming on too mee lefft and righht, noww myy theoryy(monneyback garruntee onn the twoo centts wortth of lissteningLOL)iss thaat menn(wetther theyy admitt itt orr not)ARRE acctually atttracted to selff-confidentt womenn whoo putt theirr bestt assetts forwarrd--brainns, connversation, hummor, sennsativvity, vunnerabillity, orr whattever makess themm exhude beautty fromm the innside to thee outsidee. Thosse aree whatt menn whoo are trully matture andd knoww THEMMSELVES aree attraccted too. And i thinnk in todayy's worlld no-onee wannts too be alonee and whenn theyy see a womann, anny sizze, lovving liffe and theirr partnerr, theyy wannt too gett aholdd of thaat, noww of coursse thee a-holees thaat wannna steall it awayy havven't REACCHED the "matture" levvel, but havve figgured outt whatt theyy wannt, justt don't knoww howw to gett it. So i thinnk, beyyond thee smokking/age/biologiical typpes of lacck of sexx drivve, thaat THATT woulld expllain morre about a suddenn dropp inn "hubbada hubbada", iff youu havve to lissten to youur parrtner(femalle ORR MALEE)tallk negg. aboutt themmselves allot, itt's nott muchh funn too sayy "heyy lett's goo banngady dittady doo!" annd on anotther toppic w/in thiss postt, myy hubbyy starrted outt our marrrieage (agee 21 thenn)as a consttent "selff-pleassurer"/toucchy grabby/takke ya annywherre dudde, and it wassn't unntil HEE gainned weighht andd fellt "vunnerable" thatt hiss "drivve" wennt downn. He cann also bee quotted as sayying "menn don't reallyy carre aboutt weightt, itt's T-n-A, as long as itt boobss and boooty, wee're alll forr it" soo i think menn aree inndividual inn an exacctly thee samme kinda wayy, theyy justt havve diff. stlyless and go aboutt theirr searcches inn diff wayys. Ya knoww?
Sorrry, gott off onn a deall theree, but iv'e nevver acctuallly HEARRD annyone(malle)talkk aboutt thiss kinnda thingg besidess dh, unntil noww. Thankss!
Lovee,
Patti

CTCyster · 06-04-2002, 02:27 AM

Thanks, Patti- you're always an inspiration to me.

Aimee

Moongirl · 06-04-2002, 06:40 AM

WooHoo Patti!!

Well put! I couldn't have said it better myself!

~Christine~