OMG I hate my mother!!!! About miscarraige

Policewife · 10-22-2008, 03:18 PM

I know this should go in the rant board but this is a miscarriage thing.

So my sister left her finance, she's 19.. She left him, knowing his parents own her car, her cellphone, she works for THEM etc. She got laid off, they're taking back her car and cell.. She's living with a druggy friend and my sister is trying to finish college and find a job.

Its not that I don't love my sister but my whole entire life had been cleaning up my mothers 5 failed marriages while listening to her affairs through them all, leaving me alone in highschool for a week by myself with no money a 3 week old infant and a 9 year old and 10 year old while she ran off across the state with some man to party till she dropped, then the last time taking in my bro and sis because my mother left high and dry one day without telling us leaving my then 15 year old and 16 year old siblings homeless and I'm just tired of always putting everyone before myself and my relationship.. ALWAYS.. Now my mother wants to me take in my sister.. I just can't do it again and financially support her. I told my mother no.. I'm 25 I shouldn't have to listen to her anyways

So my mother says.. " Well you know what Tara , karma will bite you in the a** 10 fold for this... your child dying was the first part, lets all hope you don't have a next" .... You know I was just starting to be okay with loosing the baby, and deal with this all. It took me a while but then she brings it up.

OMG OMG OMG.. wtf who the hell in their right mind says that to someone.. who? A mother no less. I've had it I'm cutting her off, as I should have done years and years ago.. But still... like my title says ... omg I hate my mother and I will NEVER ever ever be like her.... ever

a_beautiful_disaster · 10-22-2008, 03:43 PM

*Sends hugs* That is a terrible thing to say! I'm so sorry that she said such a stupid and insensitive thing! That's just horrible!!!

RoaryKennedy · 10-22-2008, 03:54 PM

Oh, Tara! I am so, so, SO sorry for what you are going through. That is the most insensitive, horrible, awful thing ever. I am so sorry.

julz5272003 · 10-22-2008, 03:57 PM

I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Please for your own sanity seek counselling, Al Anon, sounds like to me she is an addict and is doing what ever she in her mind see necessary to bring you down. Your sister is old enough to make her own decisions and your still young yourself. I'll be praying for your situation. Please feel free to vent away anytime.

gothgrrl81 · 10-22-2008, 04:01 PM

Holy crap that is awful!! I'm sorry your mom is so horrible and it's good you're cutting ties with her. How could anyone say something that cruel?

Policewife · 10-22-2008, 04:23 PM

thanks ladies this whole situation is so stupid... I'm so glad ur there.
I have to consider my source.. My mother FOR YEARS had skipped out on responisbility for her children. She left us high and dry and I used to have to ride my bike in highschool to churches to beg for donated food while I had my 10 year old sister watching a newborn and 9 year old because I had no one to turn to and she would leave one night to go "food shopping" and not return for a week..

You see I'm a better person than my mother.. I'm a better mother to her children than she is.. and she hates me for it.. She hates that unlike her I dont' live in a pop up trailer, I married a man with a good career (even though I'm not a fan of it!! its a career).. She's married to a recovering cocaine addict on probation and like I said living in 1 bedroom pop up trailer in Miami with by 8 year old brother and big dreams of moving to Cali..
My mother isn't right in the head she's been in a mental ward twice .. I just can't have pity on her, she made her bed and I feel like I'm punished for doing well and since I have extra bedrooms in my house that means every time someone screws up I need to run to everyones aid.. its not so..UGH.... Lord please don't me be HALF as bad as my mother... I mean just because you're not there doesn't mean you say that to anyone!

Dee67 · 10-22-2008, 05:43 PM

Tara...I'm so very sorry that your mother said THAT to you!!!!!! How terribly hurtful and sad. You ARE a good person and sounds like a caring one! I pray for pure happiness for you!!!!!!!!

*HUGS*

Miracle07 · 10-22-2008, 06:34 PM

Tara- Your mother sounds like the one with the problem not you. You have done more than enough for your family and it is time that she stood up and took care of your sister for once instead of you and if it was me, I think I would tell her that! Go to counseling and get some help and dump your mom out of your life for awhile if need be. Don't listen to her she sounds like she is a narcasistic

AnotherDreamer · 10-22-2008, 07:58 PM

Your mother sounds like my mother (who, by the way, is legally insane and committed herself to a psych ward my senior year of highschool) My mom could never just grow up.

I feel for you. I really do. Your mother is the one with a problem, not you. Try not to let her get to you. Remember, who's she? She doesn't have any power of you or fate. And you shouldn't be the one having to bail your sister out of a bad situation, no one really should... but if anyone in a family should bail her out it should be her mother or father. Not a sibling, IMO.

I've had to learn over the years to just tune my mother out. With my miscarriage, and my grandmother's death (in the same month) my mother said to me, "Well, when it rains it pours. My car broke down, and I broke my foot." Cause that is so totally the equivalent to two important people passing away.

My point is... having unstable mothers sucks. I'm sorry you have one too.

Argh. Sending you hugs girl.

jennifermcc · 10-22-2008, 09:55 PM

That is horrible. Please don't feel guilty about cutting her off. You need to do it. Real mothers are self sacrificing, they don't use their children the way she has used you. She sounds very poisonous and this will affect your marriage and your future children. Better for you to end it now. You may not have had much of a mother but you will be a mother to your own children someday and you can have joy in raising them in a loving environment. As for your sister, she is an adult. You have no obligation to take her in. You have shown her a good example through your life and choice of husband so anything she does is up to her. You can keep in touch with her but it is time for her to live her life. Please do not feel guilty or bad about this.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this.

ihartchu · 10-22-2008, 11:56 PM

I'm really sorry that you had to go through this horrible situation! D: You are definitely not a bad person for not letting your sister stay at your house, and you are definitely a good person to break ties with your mother. Like jennifermmc said, her behavior won't bring anything good to your family. Unless she grows up, she's not going to get any better. =/ I have friends that have moms that just don't give a care about their children, the moms see them as low beings, and it's really irritating. =/ One of my friend has been living from house to house with people, and being away from her mom overall improve her.

I'm really glad you know all of this, though. I'm happy that you know you're better that she can ever be. Saying that karma made you have a miscarriage? Horrible. She obviously did something really amazing to give birth to you, though.

Policewife · 10-24-2008, 12:43 PM

So my mother "apologized" to me.. On a myspace bulletin no less lol.. Cause she couldn't call me to tell me.. my friend were upset when they had heard what she said and they didn't know it was her who said it I just said someone had said it to me , so they were all joking saying they're gonna beat some a** .. Not literally but you get the point... so she writes this to me..

Sorry i said that.
U see how words r hurtful now? N 2 ur friend who wants 2 beat my a** , bring it on bi***es!

I starred out the bad words but how mature right.. the most un-sorry sorry I've ever seen about what she said.. She saying see how words are hurtful because of me telling my sister she wanted to leave her finance and she got it so now she's gotta figure out how to stand on her own two feet..... So that warrents the miscarrige is Karma... so to say I deleted her of my friends list there in .001 seconds flat is an understatement.. AHhhh family drama.. fun huh!

dakotabluebaby · 10-24-2008, 01:52 PM

I am so sorry. And know what you are going through...don't really feel like sharing it all because it just makes me angry and sad. Anyway for me, cutting my 'family' out for a while really helped...long enough for the whispers inside my head to die down a bit.

I hated the constant 'Oh my gosh am I like them' no it just hits me randomly like when I don't feel like taking the dogs out this second and I spiral into I'm terrible I could let them go hungry.

Anyway point being...I think you need a break just because you should have one, not because she 'made' you if that makes sense. I believe that I was part of my family so I could be there to help others in a way I couldn't if I hadn't been through...well..hell.

I've discovered my angry does nothing but give them more time to hurt me and doesn't matter in the least to them.

lachicarubia · 10-24-2008, 04:33 PM

Tara, so sorry you have to deal with that.

I know you have already heard this, but sometimes it just heps to hear it again, you are in NO WAY, karma or not, to blame for the m/c.
Obviously your mom is just trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do, using harsh words, guilt and insults. Some people will do or say anything, no matter how hurtful, to get what they want. And then say mean things when their manipulation technique doesn't work.

The pitiful "sorry" is also just a way to manipulate you by buttering you up, and trying to get your sympathy.

Sounds like she needs to grow up.

Good for you for holding your ground, and not letting her manipulate you. And good for you for not enabling your sister. Tough love, some people need to take responsibility and live with the consequences of their choices. Don't feel quilty about the choices that they have made for themselves.

Turtlegirl68 · 10-24-2008, 06:59 PM

Tara, just wanted to say how sorry I am that somebody, let alone your own mom, said that to you hun. I read your story about your mom and how you feel about here but I know it didn't hurt any less. And I know everyone on here has said but I will say it again, you losing your baby was NOT karma! And I sure hope you trulyl believe that for yourself! Good luck hun and I'll say an extra prayer for you!