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10-09-2005, 05:38 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Praying SoulCyster
Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ...Indiana
Posts: 74
My Mood:  Points: 1,005.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,005.00 |  OMG...I have had it!!!!!!!!!!!
I am pissed pissed…pissed…did I say pissed….
Please know that this may be long but I have got to vent somewhere…
Let me just say that my faith in medical professionals is at an all time low of 0.
On September 15, 2005 I gave birth to my little Angel at 18 weeks gestation, as soon as I had the baby this was the conversation:
My mother: oooooooooooooh look at my baby’s body “he” is all boy . But Vay he looks just like you!
Fiancé (talking to me): Baby our son has your EXACT face, I know that most babies at this stage are all muscle but look at his arms they are soooooooooooo muscular.
Me: *smiling being a proud mommy*
Nurse #1: As I look at this baby I think that this is a girl, hold on I will be back.
Doctor #1 comes in: Sorry folks this is definately a GIRL.
Me: are you sure? I mean the baby does look just like me but I just knew it was a boy?
Doctor: definitely a girl
*So this leaves all of us just kind of looking at the baby thinking of a name. Mind you for some reason we ALL just knew it was a boy for many different reasons.
Due to the babies medical problems it was very hard to determine the sex IMO but these are medical professionals…right?
Fast forward to last week (the phone rings)
It’s the hospitals grief coordinator NOT my doctor.
Coordinator: Hi Vay how are you?
Me: fine
Coordinator: are you sitting down I have some terrible news
Me: *thinking to myself* what is the HELL could be worse then what I have been through!?
Coordinator: Ashley Amber (sigh) (pause) is a boy. He was dx with caudal regression which is why it was so hard to tell his sex. But the good thing is you can cancel your appointment for genetic counseling because the baby’s genes are all fine, this was just a fluke…just something that happened.
Pumps the breaks…
Two years ago I was told that I would NEVER get pregnant w/o IVF due to my tubes being blocked. (My baby was conceived with NO medical intervention at all) MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL SCREW UP #1 
Three months ago I was told that my baby’s urinary track was blocked and FULL of urine which was why there was no amniotic fluid…I was told this by THREE different doctors (not techs) out of THREE different offices. One of them even circled the “bladder full of urine” so I could see that he knew what he was talking about!
(My baby kidneys were not even developing and had NEVER urinated) MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL SCREW UP # 2,3, and 4
For some reason I did not trust what the THREE amigos was telling me so I demanded a referral to a fetal specialist that was over two hours away (in Indianapolis, IN) from where I live. I was finally told then about my baby’s kidneys. A sigh of relief…right? 
So now here I am with the only pictures I will ever have of my little boy all dressed in PINK, my son has over five PINK blankets (that the hospital gave HIM, a big pink remembrance book to holds all of HIS pink blankets, pink Christmas tree ornament, pink bracelet that says “girl”, his name has to be changed on ALL documents (funeral home, health department, certificate of baptism etc. even the cards with his ONLY foot prints) since Ashley AMBER in not a name that I would have given my son.
At what point will doctors realize that if they don’t know the answer to something then they should say that and shut the HELL up…not lead people in the wrong direction! I really don’t appreciate them flipping a coin on the information that I have received in regards to me and my child. JUST SAY YOU ARE NOT SURE!!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t get mad or think less of them I would respect their honesty!
So now here I am going through all of Ashton Dantrel’s things making sure HIS name is changed…this includes the obituaries that was already done and printed(full of pictures of my son in pink).
Let me say for the record I know that there are some good doctors out there. I just have not found one. I think GOD that I am strong enough to make it through this. I have to keep pushing and fighting for my dear sweet Ashton!
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MsVay (28)
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10-09-2005, 05:50 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Maybe Tomorrow
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,333
My Mood:  Points: 6,910.02 Bank: 3.48 Total Points: 6,913.50 |
Oh, MsVay, I am sooo sorry. This is really beyond inexcusable. I'm so sick of incompitent doctors. There seems to be an awful lot of them running around. I know this wouldn't change the memories, but perhaps someone talented on the computer could edit some of your pictures to make it appear Ashton is wearing something appropriate for a male. I'd be willing to give it a try myself, but I'm not highly skilled. If you'd like me to try, though, I will. I can do a little. If I wasn't able to make a realistic change nothing would be lost, I suppose. Maybe one of our other cysters could do better. I don't know if that idea helps any at all. However small, I just thought it would be something. | |
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10-09-2005, 06:41 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Pray for peace
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,486
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I am so sorry this has happened to you. I second the computer editing idea--I know you can really do a lot with Photoshop. Or you can have some photos developed in black and white or sepia, it looks very classic anyway and then the pink problem is solved. As far as the cards. . .could you cut out the footprint & paste it onto another backing card with the new name? And the obituary. . .there's no law that says you can't another one printed, right? Especially in this situation. Or some papers have that "in memoriam" section, maybe that would be an option too. I hope you find some good solutions so you can make a fitting memory box for your little son. I know that would be important to me too.
FWIW I think Ashton is a really nice name. | |
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10-09-2005, 06:52 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Maybe Tomorrow
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 6,333
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I think it definately would be appropriate in this situation to list another obituary in the newspaper and get a new card. I know it wouldn't be the same and doesn't fix everything, but it might help some. | |
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10-09-2005, 07:45 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | *formerly inferiority*
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 438
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I am so sorry this all happened to you! If you want to take LaurAnnHere's suggestion about changing the color, I can do it for you. I know how to.  | |
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10-09-2005, 09:33 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,730
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i am appaled and saddened by this and have no idea how awful it would feel. we were told by a lab that our baby would not be determined and that all testing was inconclusive only to find out later the tech that did our stuff went on vaca and left our results with his stuff so rather than tell us they couldnt find our stuff or they suspected it was in the techs things that went on vaca they just lied to us. sometimes i think they are so far emotionaly removed that they become useless. i know a dr has to stay detached to an extent to keep their sanity but what you have been put through is ridiculous and inexcusable. i am not too shabby at photo editing either if you want to pm me....i can try changing the clothing colors or i can black and white the pix....so sorry vent away if you have more steam to blow off....
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who knew your heart could break and you could still breathe
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our living, breathing miracle
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10-10-2005, 12:54 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | ...zzz...zzz...zzz...
Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: A house that is missing its cat. ***sniff sniff***
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MsVay, i am SO sorry for this ordeal. I just absolutely cannot believe this. I'm so angry for what you've been through.
I can try to change the pink to blue too (I have Photoshop on my home computer) - I'm not super-good at Photoshop but think I could do that - or will change your pictures to black-and-white if you would like. PM me if you are interested.
So sorry, and thinking of you,
Meghan | |
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10-10-2005, 03:11 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Praying SoulCyster
Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ...Indiana
Posts: 74
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Thank you all for being such sweethearts with all of this. The obituarys are more like the ones that you receive at someones funeral it has all of Ashton's family info, a letter from Mommy and Daddy, a letter from grandma and several pictures and on the back it states that his pallbearers were all of the little angels in heaven. It came out beautiful BUT the whole thing will have to be changed now. The guy from the printers called today but I missed his call. I am going to call him in the morning and see what he can do. I will keep you all posted.
I think that I am doing too much...in the mist of all of this Ashton's dad and I decided to get married on Feb 11th of 06 (Ashton's due date) this is my second marraige and his first so he really wants a wedding. He lives in AL and I am in Indiana (where the wedding will be) so I am doing all of the planning on my own...sigh...sorry I guess I have a lot on my mind.
Again thanks to all willing to help I will let you know what we come up with.
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MsVay (28)
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10-10-2005, 03:29 AM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Missing Rivelino forever
Join Date: Oct 2003
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OMG! Just when I think I've already heard of the stupidest doctor on the planet...
I am SO sorry you're going through this. It's not fair having to deal with this on top of your grief. ((hugs)), sweetie. I know that the photos can be fixed, the printed materials can be fixed, the legal documents can be fixed...but it's just awful to have to go through this.
ETA: FWIW, I'd get the genetic counseling. This hospital hasn't proven to me that anyone there knows much of anything. Sigh... | |
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10-10-2005, 01:06 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | My baby girl - Ginger!!
Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Hammond, IN
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I am very sorry about the loss of your son. And I am very sorrry that you have to deal with incompetence during this time. I don't have photo-shop, but i can also offer to change the color of your son's outfit. Please pm me if you would like me to help out.
If you have the strength to do it, I would "hunt" down the nurse and the doctor and file a formal complaint with the hospital. Get the abstracts of your records and write a letter of complaint to the head of OB and the president of the hospital. Or I would call the coordinator and have her get that information. I can't believe she called your son a fluke! what a heartless woman!
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Diana - 36!
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks)
Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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10-10-2005, 01:11 PM
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#11 (permalink)
| | ~*~*~****~*~*~
Join Date: May 2004 Location: West Virginia
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*hugs*
__________________ Carey(31)
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Paul(43) Married 7-25-02 PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02' Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08' Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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4 furbabies
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10-10-2005, 01:32 PM
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#12 (permalink)
| | Sad and Happy Mom
Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Kansas City, MO Looking for local buddies!
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(((((Hugs!)))))
The expression, "adding insult to injury" doesn't even come close to what you are going through.  I'm so sorry Ashton didn't make it, and I'm also sorry about the ordeal of his sex. Grief is so exhausting, you shouldn't have to do anything at all but survive right now. You deserve caregivers who say, "I'm not sure" if they aren't sure of something! It might take a long time to find a doctor to trust, but they are out there.
I wish you peace as you try to find your way through this awful time. Keep us posted, and feel free to vent anytime.
[and it isn't too tough to change pink to white in photoshop, so if white would be satisfactory, you might suggest that to whomever is able to help. I've just watched my husband.]
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Sheri:36 Hubby:36
Metformin 1500mg since 10/02, Yasmin since 4/06, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage 8/13-1/19
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10-10-2005, 02:14 PM
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#13 (permalink)
| | Let's Go Red Wings!
Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: West Michigan
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((hugs))
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
__________________ Jules (34) Harrison (35)
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Sparky, our emergent cerclage baby, born at 23w1d on 3/4/07 through his cerclage. Died from NEC on 3/12/07.
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Scooter 1/28/05 16w3d, IC
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10-15-2005, 08:09 PM
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#14 (permalink)
| | Finally I get to keep one
Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Baltimore, Maryland
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Ms Vay, I'm so sorry for all you've been through. With my first loss @17 weeks, we were told our baby was a boy. I thought they were wrong but, I assumed that these medical professional knew more than me. So we named our baby and had a pastor come and do a baptism/naming ceremony for our son Nicholas. 5 weeks later, at my postpartum visit, we were informed in a rather cold way that our baby was a little girl. Oh I was pisssssssssed!!!! We had so many momentos made for our baby. Memory box, engraved jewelry, not to mention our baby girl had been blessed with a boy's name. It felt like we were grieving for a second baby now. It was horrible! We named our little girl Nicole which was not the name we had chosen for a girl. There is no way to describe the new heartbreak. I would have rather the staff tell me they didn't know and to wait for a pathology report with the right answer.
I'm wishing you brighter days, and hope for the future.
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Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
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Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M. | |
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10-15-2005, 11:56 PM
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#15 (permalink)
| | Meh!
Join Date: May 2004
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Oh my God! What a horrible thing for any grieving mom to go through!
I'm so very sorry for all this, sweetie. My prayers are with you as you deal with this. 
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