OMG will this EVER freaking end?

~Lisa~ · 11-19-2003, 04:23 AM

Will it ever stop? As some of you know from recent posts, this so called BF has come to surface as possibly the BM's father. Yep FATHER aka incest! Well this guy has my email and he won't stop emailing me! I'm like What the heck is ths deal with him. Anyways, he sends me this email the other day. With my daughter's name in the subject line. I'll put it below so you can read it.....

The Illinois Supreme Court reversed, in a decision that made headlines all over the country. (Indeed, one Chicago newspaper columnist, Bob Greene, continues to agitate for a return of the baby to the adoptive parents.) The Supreme Court of Illinois held that the father had made various attempts to locate the child during the first 30 days of the child's life, all of which were frustrated or blocked by the actions of the mother. Further, the mother was aided by the attorney for the adoptive parents, who failed to make any effort to ascertain the name or address of the father despite the fact that the mother indicated she knew who he was. Under the circumstances, the court concluded, the father had no opportunity to discharge any familial duty. The father's parental rights had thus been improperly terminated, and any discussion of the best interests of the child was premature.
The court further noted that it was over three years since the birth of the baby. If anyone was to bear fault, the fault should be placed first on the mother, who fraudulently tried to deprive the father of his parental rights, and second on the adoptive parents and their attorney, who proceeded with the adoption despite their knowledge that a biological father existed who had not been informed of his baby's existence. The adoptive parents should have, when Otakar entered his appearance, relinquished the baby. An appeal to the United States Supreme Court was denied. Kirchner v. Doe, 115 S. Ct. 499 (1994).
The Illinois Supreme Court emphasized that the child's best interests cannot justify the termination of parental rights where the parent has not been found unfit. Thus, at least one author has suggested that a rule denying an unrelated person standing to file an adoption proceeding before a court has found the biological parents unfit would prevent a future Baby Richard case. H. Joseph Gitlin, No Standing to Adopt Unless Parents Are Found Unfit: Would It Prevent Baby Richard II?, 85 Ill. B.J. 420 (1997).

Okay what on earth? So I email him back this Why would you email me a email like this?

Then he writes back THIS!!!!!

This was supposed to be an open adoption, but i guess it is not, which would make it fraudulent.. to the letter of the law in the state of Illiinios. I've had enough of being lied to by xxxxx (BM) and those involved in this adoption. I asked in the begining for copies of all documentation reguarding this matter. I was denied that documentation. My understanding was that you knew all this and that if it wasn't like the way it was supposed to be i would have stopped it. And now the more i find out... somebody is lieing to somebody. And I am going to stop it. Because out of all of this I've lost 3 daughters...and it wasn't supposed to happen this way. So now I am requesting a copy of the adoption orders. What state she was born in and where is all the paperwork. I won't stop until this is taken care of.
You say you love her , then do the right thing. I am her father. And I never signed any paperwork.
I'd like to talk about this with you in a messanger if at all possible.

Can you believe this man? I can't. He calls himself a father? He sleeps with his children? Thinks he's the father of my daughter, thinks his "rights" have been taken away? He put her on a plane up here (we paid for it) He called her here, he picked her up from the airport, he talked to her on the phone at the hospital when the baby was born. He knew WHY she was coming up here to stay with us. Like that should matter anyways, here's the law in the state of Illinois!

(720 ILCS 5/11-11)
Sec. 11-11. Sexual Relations Within Families. (a)
A person commits
sexual relations within families if he or she:
(1) Commits an act of sexual penetration as
defined in Section
12-12 of this Code; and
(2) The person knows that he or she is related to
the other person
as follows: (i) Brother or sister, either of the whole
blood or the half
blood; or (ii) Father or mother, when the
child, regardless of
legitimacy and regardless of whether the child was of
the whole blood or
half-blood or was adopted, was 18 years of age or
over when the act was
committed; or (iii) Stepfather or stepmother, when the
stepchild was 18
years of age or over when the act was committed.
(b) Sentence. Sexual relations within families is
a Class 3 felony.
(Source: P.A. 84-1280.)" "

It's a class 3 felony! I mean I don't know what it is in other states but that's what it is here. I believe it's like that in MOST states, not sure, haven't checked that far into it.

I went on a site where you ask lawyers questions and one question was asked does a consent from the father have to be signed if that father had incest, and the answer was NO! I think he has NO rights. Why is he threatening me? Will I ever be able to move on? I'm just sick! I can't deal with this. I told my husband I think I need to go see the dr. I'm serious, this is making me ill. He acts like he was the one lied to. I was the one, we were the ones lied to. Would I have went thru with a adoption flown her up here knowing this child could be the product of incest. Ummm no probably not. Would I turn back holding my baby after birth. NO WAY! I love her, If she would of been born with "problems" I still will love her.

Oh ladies, I just want to cry, I want to tell him WHERE to go. My adoption is final but get this anyone can appeal it up to 30 days after the trial. Can you believe that. Geez louise, Now this. (at least it won't be to much longer) How on earth will I go on? Will it ever end? My hands are STILL tied. I can't do anything.

You should of seen his yahoo profile, OH let me refresh the memory if I've told anyone and let you see what he types. Here look....

Hobbies: Snowmobiling, Drugs,Dealing Drugs sleeping with my daughter, traveling with carnivals Did I mention CRACK, CRank, Heroine... and whatever I can get my hands on......

What a sicko!!!!!!

I feel sick...I really do....I've changed my yahoo id, my yahoo mail and stupid me decides oh I'll go back to it and SEE if I got any mail tonight and look THIS IS WHAT I GOT!! WHY WHY WHY did I do that!

Oh by the way the 3 daughters he's referring to are the BM another one that he gave up for adoption 19 years ago (i guess she thinks he's a sicko (who wouldn't) and my DD.

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE CONTACT WITH THIS GUY?

His Ex wife even went as far as to write me and tell me about the relationship and then tell me that he's really a nice guy. Hahaha YEAH RIGHT REAL NICE GUY!

Okay I'm done venting. I'm sorry to rain on everyones parade, I know you all have some exciting news and I'm so happy for you, but please those that believe in prayer, say a prayer for us and our family and the protection of my daughter and for my sanity.

I love ya all. You've been so wonderful.
Thanks for reading... <sigh> :o

~Lisa~ · 11-19-2003, 04:25 AM

For the record, he never asked for NO documentation, whatever that means, and i'm not giving him nothing and I've talked to a investigator tonight, my friends hubby is a cop and I'm going to talk to the states attorney tomorrow!!!!

indiana_troll · 11-19-2003, 10:00 AM

OMG!!!!!!! That guy is a major sicko. What makes him even think that he has any rights to YOUR daughter? He has no rights at all. He committed a criminal act to bring her into this world. He should be put behind bars for the rest of his life as far as I'm concerned. He's just SICK!!!

I'll be praying for you and your family. You will have many, many years with your daughter. Enjoy them. They grow up soooooo fast.

Patty

ScrapbookChick · 11-19-2003, 10:31 AM

OMG, hon, I'm so sorry. From my perspective, I can see how someone as brazen and disgusting as to rationalize having incest relations with his own child, would act this way to you. He's a...I don't want to lose posting privlidges here, so I'll refrain from what I truly think.

I know you already know this, but take care of yourself, see a doctor if you need to. Close that e-mail account and never accept any communication from him again unless it's through a lawyer. Don't respond to any more of his e-mails. Print them up and put them in a folder then DELETE them. Is there any chance you can even move within the same town to the other side? Anything to get completely away from these people, but especially him.

dna · 11-19-2003, 10:36 AM

Yup Lisa .. what Melissa said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this, but the adoption is FINAL and she is YOUR daughter...close up shop and go on with your lives...forget you know this crazy man

For your health and for the health of your family

{{{ hugs }}}
Amy

ScrapbookChick · 11-19-2003, 10:36 AM

Wanted to add a GOOD LUCK for your visit with the police officer and the State's Attorney.

curlygrrl · 11-19-2003, 10:40 AM

Just wanted to send ((hugs)) I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I agree with ScrapBookChick, close that e-mail account and never respond to this guy again.

I hope it all blows over soon.

Tamara

Lisa67 · 11-19-2003, 10:41 AM

Oh Lisa!!! You poor thing!! I am so sorry he is dredging all this horrible stuff up.

Quick question, how old is the BM. I notice that law says 18 year old or younger so I wasn't sure if he thinks that matters at all??

Can you talk to your lawyer about this yet? I know you have said before that you didn't want to do that, but you really need to do something to protect you & Desi.

This man is nuts. Change anything you can--phone numbers, email, etc....He is a real headcase!!!

((((((((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lisa67 · 11-19-2003, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ScrapbookChick
Wanted to add a GOOD LUCK for your visit with the police officer and the State's Attorney.

GREAT IDEA!!!!!!!!!!

Calantha · 11-19-2003, 11:43 AM

I just wanted to point out, it says 18 years of age or OVER.. not younger. I assume the reason for this would be, if the child was younger, it would be a sexual abuse charge, not an incest charge. Incest is illegal in the state of Illinois (and I believe the entire country) regardless of age. I agree that the man, having contacted you several times before the adoption was final, and never filing any legal claim against it in that time, doesn't have a leg to stand on... however, even if he did.. no court in their right minds is going to give a child to a "parent" like that.
*hugs* I'm sorry you have to go through this hun.
-Brandy

Lisa67 · 11-19-2003, 01:08 PM

Gotcha Brandy--my bad! :o

Thanks for the clarification!!!

cbeldner · 11-19-2003, 04:54 PM

Lisa,
This is why out of hand, well actually he is just way out of hand. I pray that you are keeping great records of all of this. I don't believe he is going to stop this. I think he is sick and he wants this baby to mess her up just like he did with his daughter. I would not respond to him anymore. Please keep us informed, let us know what the police and the states attorney says.

Is there anything we can do?

We will keep praying for you. (((HUGS)))

How is your husband with all of this?

We love you and we are here for whatever you need!!!

shawnapooh · 11-19-2003, 05:03 PM

Lisa and Desi~as always I still got your "back" and many cyber hugs for you both.

I totally agree with what everyone else said. What a complete psycho loser. He doesnt deserve a chance to ever know Desi and I will feverishly pray he never gets a chance. If he does this to his own daughter (BM) I dont even want to think of what his twisted mind would be thinking if he ever met Desi.

He is a serious risk to offend again and as Desi's adopted finalized mom you have to protect her from this pedophile. I'm sure any judge who hears this sick story will terminate his rights on the spot and order that he NEVER have contact with you or Desi again.

Good Luck with the police and state's attorney. If you need any sort of legal help let me know as my dh has some legal background and would be more than willing research anything for you.

Lisa~dont let this man get under your skin,dont let him have control over this situation. He is sick in the head and enjoys torturing you with the looming threat of him getting Destiny. Please know that will never happen especially if what he is saying is true (she's a product of incest) because I swear to you that I will personally kick his butt if I have to and I will come and take you Desi far away from that pervert. Cysta's got you covered. LOL

Try not to worry too much ok hon~God's in control here and we will all be lifting your concerns and Destiny in prayer.

Kittycat · 11-19-2003, 06:19 PM

I am all too familiar with what you are going through. My DD is still in the process of being adopted and we are afraid of these kinds of things coming up still.

Rest assured, there is no court in this country who is going to give rights to a man who impregnated his daughter. The courts shouldn't and won't let him near YOUR daughter. If he did this to his own daughter, he could do it to yours too (garnddaughter/daughter? UGH). I would consult with an attorney immediately if you are not already in contact with one and have him in the wings in case this whacko tries anything. I hope he doesnt live nearby.

Even if he appeals after the 30 days it isn't going to change the outcome unless the BM wants the baby back or another family member comes forward somehow.... The court will check him out and say no way. Is he the biological father of the BM?? He can slow things down, though. Sadly, the bio parents have rights, even when they are nutty.

My heart goes out to you. I am familiar with the fear you are feeling and the uncertainty of it all. It is a terrifying thing to feel threatened when it comes to your child. Oh, and she is your child. I told DH Ive never known fear like the fear I have felt when I thought my baby might be taken from me.

The day my DD was born the BM changed her mind in the hospital. Through a turn of events we did end up with her two grueling months later. She is now 9 1/2 months and it's still not over. It looks certain at this point but until the papers are signed and completed and she is ours for good will we relax. Hang on and hang in there.

~Lisa~ · 11-19-2003, 08:26 PM

No I haven't even been able to contact a lawyer today, this is crazy. Is EVERYONE out of the office today. I'm sick, my stomach is in knots and the thought of anyone even TRYING to take her sickens me. I just want this to be over with. I don't want to ever hear from this sicko again.