I just needed a place to let some stuff out and maybe get some advice.
My whole life, or at least my school life, I had a child care worker or counselor. I guess my mom figured it would be best, as she was very depressed during her pregnancy with me (much of it worry as she had been in this position before and gave up her 1st born daughter for adoption) ... I was always a shy kid and always beat up on in school ... I give her alot of credit for making sure I had someone to talk too ...
Many bad things have happened to me in my life and there are also things there were bad, that I made up in my life ... I only came to this realization about 6 months ago. That I was having such a bad time growing up that I decided to make up my own make belief world, well I guess I lived it so long that it eventually became real to me and not fantasy.
I was astounded at what the mind can go when you just shy away from everyone!
I've tried going to see family therapists over the years before I moved to a different city, but to know avail, they came up with a different dx ... I went from being BiPolar, to mildly depressed, to clinically depressed ... so on and so forth and ofcourse when PCOS hit me hard in my second year of puberty, I started have dark thoughts about killing myself or hurting myself.
Anyways, after I had this breakthrou that not all things I thought were real are not real, I also realized that I have many many blocked memories and it's driving me nuts!
I think I am ready to start seeing a therapist to help me sort out my past and my feelings to go with them and to once and for all get out from underneath this dark depressing black cloud. But ... yes there's a but ... I am terrified about going to go and see one.
It took me a few years to have this breakthrou and I know I am half way there in terms of finally being able to get the help I need, but I don't want to wait another few years before I am 100% ready. But I as I sit and think about it ... I am getting more and more ready to go, most likely in the next year if not sooner ...
What should I be looking for in a therapist?? I am terrified of them, so I know I need someone who is patient with me, and I know I don't want that I will just sit down and talk with, I want someone who is going to be active in helping overcome many of my past obstacles. I just don't know about finding the right person. I am also afraid if I have to take medication to help me lift my mood while I am taking therapy sessions.
I have suffered for most of my life with depression, social anxiety and panic attacks, as well as having ADD and a learning disorder (seems to run in the family, my mom and brother also have LDs).
I am just sooooo confused ... I just wish I could wave a magic wand and it would all be better ....
OK, I'm done ... thanks for letting me get my thoughts outta my head ... sorry if they seem scrambled, it's just the way I am, I think far to fast for myself to ever put anything to paper fast enough.
Hey Corrie. I know it's hard to get to a realization that you need some help, and that you are ready to go back through the valley that your in and sort it out. But, hey- you have made the first step!! Any counselor "should" be patient and understanding...although they all aren't. You have to just go meet with some of them and see what feelings you get with them. If you express that it makes you nervous to be there and that you want to make sure that they will be patient with you and understand that you want this to be a slow process- and they are comforting about that, then great!! If they aren't- then know that you just have to look elsewhere. You can just spend that first appt discussing your feeling on "getting help" and that way you don't delve into your past or your feelings about any of it before you know how the counselor will be. Do you understand? I know it's scary but you can do it!! Best wishes!
Melissa
__________________ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
Good Luck!! And big (((((HUGS))))).
It is scary, but seeing a therapist may be the best thing for you. I started going in January and it was the best thing that I've done. I'm not a person that likes to talk or open up, but I felt it very relieving to talk to someone who didn't know me. Melissa has some really great ideas. Remember - the therapist is there for YOU! If you aren't happy with him/her, find someone else.
__________________ Shed my cocoon and became a Butterfly in 2007 May The Force Be With You Hope-Faith-Love-Happiness always
Thanks for the support ladies ... it means alot to me knowing that I have a place to come to to sort out my thoughts and feelings.
I really hate what I am feeling right now. I have tried killing myself in the past and while I very rarely have those deep dark thoughts anymore ... I still feel like I can't overcome it. I still struggle. But I guess I may always struggle, who knows.
*sighs* This really stinks ...
~C~
Last edited by PhoenixRaven; 05-25-2005 at 06:03 AM.
I went in for a re-assessment to get back into school today and I think the neurophyscologist is finally going to help me get diagnosed for Social Anxiety, ADD and/or Depression.
I'm really relieved because I've spend most of my life not knowing because the mental helath pros never seemed to get it together and I had different diagnosis from one extreme to the next.
I know I most likely have all three in some degree, but when I can finally be told how serious each is, I can finally get the help needed. That really made my day and made me feel better with a sigh of relief.
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PCOS:Metformin 1500mgs daily(Oct/03). Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar Type II: Effexor 225 mgs, .5mgs clonazapam, and 900mgs Lithium daily. litebook therapy(Dec/04). Meniere's Disease: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 16mgs Serc and 10-20mgs Metoclop
Corrie, I hurt for you. I am so sorry that I can't be there to help you. I am scared to go to a threapist afraid of bringing up all of the "bad memories and feelings" I try to block them out but I can't. I tried to kill myself before, and was in a very bad place. You aren't alone. Please get ahold of me when you need a shoulder!! HUGS
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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It is very scary having to go see a therapist, but Iknow in the future I will be able too ... I think I could be ready as early as the end of the year or beginning of next year. I have blocked out soooo much in my life that I can't remember much of my childhood...
I wish I could be there for you as well and be there to hug you and hold ya, while you go to see a therapist (((HUGS))) I know you can do it too sweetie!
PS ... I have some stuff fo ya, but I can't send it out until July!
Corrie don't worry about it you don't have to send me anything. I am glad you have gotten yourself almost prepared to see a therapist. I hope one day i can !! ((((HUGS))))
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Carey(31) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Paul(43)
Married 7-25-02
PCOS Diagnosed Nov 02'
Bi Polar Diagnosed Feb 08'
Current meds~ Lithium&Celexa
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One Breakthrou at a time ... 
