One year later...

AnotherDreamer · 05-04-2009, 03:00 AM

Well, it's been one year since I started miscarrying my first pregnancy.

I conceived shortly after my one year anniversary of starting my journey. We took a four month TTC break after diagnosis, so that we could try and figure out what we were going to do. I hadn't had AF in awhile, so we used BCP to make sure I got a bleed while we sorted it all out. After I went off, and we started TTC again, I Ov'ed on CD44 while my DH was out of town on business. We BD'ed about 4 days before Ov, and conceived. It was like a miracle, a dream come true... and then it slipped right through our fingers.

I think it's hitting me especially hard since I have recently suffered my second loss, not even two months ago.

And we're on our seventh Clomid cycle, of which only two were ovulatory... which means, our journey to have a biological child may be over soon depending on how this cycle goes;on whether I Ov or not. Insurance does not cover infertility, and while if I don't Ov I may be willing to try one injectable cycle out of pocket, my heart is leaning more towards adoption at this point. And I'd rather put the money towards that. Something where I can actually be hopeful again.

I miss my babies.
My dear Sebastian.
My dear Angela.
I miss the future we would have had together.
I miss that dream.

I hate infertility and pregnancy loss,
and what it's taken from me

(*sigh*)

Brianna Mc · 05-04-2009, 12:54 PM

Hi Stephanie,

Thinking of you today. Please try and keep strong and positive. Hopefully for both of us we will be 3rd time lucky soon. ((HUGS!!!!)) xxx

I know the pain of losing 2 beautiful angels will never leave us. They will forever be in your heart and will be watching over you and your husband.

((HUGS!!!)) xxx

R0xyg4l · 05-05-2009, 02:30 PM

I'm sorry for your losses Stephanie. It's been nearly a year for me too since I've started TTC. Though O'ing isn't an issue, it's getting through the pregnancy that is for us. One day last week I was very upset and my DH said we should just adopt. I'm not willing to go to that yet but I know how absolutely heartbreaking it is. I think our last EDDs were the same for our m/cs. I was 10/22. I just passed my original EDD on 4/13 a few weeks ago for my 16 wk loss. I'm sad that we have to go through another.

AnotherDreamer · 05-05-2009, 10:02 PM

Kristina: My last one, and yours were due the same day. I'm on two years TTC now... and it's been one year since my first m/c. I just can't take much more of this.

R0xyg4l · 05-06-2009, 01:20 PM

Stephanie ~ I know it's tough. Especially if you do not know whats causing it. I'm going to an RE on 5/18 and praying for a new sense of hope. Right now I know I could get pg but I have no clue how things would turn out and that makes me nervous. I don't want to go through it again but I want to have a baby. I suppose thats always a risk you take. If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate.

shannashimmers · 05-07-2009, 12:04 AM

I know how u feel, I had my third miscarriage a year ago. I had my D&C done on May 8th last year. I hate how I have had the chance to be a mom three times and its been takingfrom me everytime. Its hard to get past and probably will not ever get fully over it. I think it just gets alittle easier with time

DiamondInTheRough · 05-07-2009, 10:48 PM

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through