One year ago tonight I lost my first baby... only 8 weeks along, but it still hurts so bad. My husband and I had gotten married on December 18th. We didn't even know I was pregnant until the 4th of January. We were so excited...surprised, since she wasn't planned at all...(he had gotten me pregnant on a 48 hour special leave during thanksgiving, the one time we had sex in about 6 months before our wedding).
He left to go to our new duty station while I stayed at home to pack up our stuff and get it moved to the new place overseas. He left on the 6th, and I started bleeding on the 8th.
We were devastated... and in April, when we found out I was pregnant this time, we were just overjoyed. It was amazing...like we had been given a second (again, surprise) chance. Today I have a beautiful little girl, Olivia Paige.
But last night and tonight, the memories of a year ago just won't leave me alone. I feel guilty for missing our first because we were blessed with such a sweet little girl, and I feel like i can't talk about it because no one will understand why it still hurts like it does.
Anyway... I don't know if anyone will read this, but I just had to vent where someone might understand. Thanks for listening.
__________________ Melissa (24)
DH - TJ (23)
DD1 - Olivia, 21 months
DD2 - Peyton, born May 25, 2007 I am a proud Navy Wife!
:: Missing my DH::
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I am a formula-feeding (by choice), disposable diapering, pro-CIO, pro-vaccination, mother of 2 well-adjusted little girls who sleeps through the night in their own beds. Welcome to the dark side. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I'm sorry about your sad anniversary. You have every right to miss your baby. Thank goodness not everyone is able to understand by personal experience of a loss, but I do wish it was easier to explain to people that your two babies are different people. Everyone here knows and understands, and we will always be here to listen. I'm glad you have a little one to cuddle when you are sad.
(((Hugs)))
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
{{{HUGS}}} Melissa. Don't feel guilty for missing your baby. You have every right to hurt. You lost your first baby and even though you are blessed with a beautiful daughter, it can't take away the fact that you loved your other baby too. I am so sorry you are hurting right now. Those painful anniversary days are so hard. Have you written a letter to the baby you lost? I find this to be very healing for me.
__________________ Janet (31) DH (41) ttc 7 years
Miscarriage 1/19/1999 at 10 weeks
Met ER 2000 mg daily HSG to be scheduled next cycle after af
Waiting on dh's SA results
Expecting to start Clomid after test results are in
I'm sorry hun anniversarys of any kind are really hard. It's completely normal for you to still mourn your first child so please don't feel guilty & like you are being selfish you loved that child too *hugs*
Oh Melissa- I Will Never Forget My Rebecca, And To Think There Will Be Anotther Scares Me Cause I Don't Haveone I Feel So Empty I Feel Like I Am Going Crazy, I Wanted Rebecca So Much Why Did God Take Her From Me....why Did She Have To Be Sick Or Why Does There Have To Be Something Wrong With Me I Want To Be With My Baby.....
I Am Sorry I Just Busted That Out But At This Moment I Have No One To Talk To....
(((Hugs))) I can totally understand your grief. We lost our baby at 12 weeks Sept 3rd. We're pregnant again and due Sept 5th. I'm not looking forward to my mixed emotions when our baby is born. I know very few people will understand how I can be sad at such a wonderful time but I know I will be. I just think about the fact that the baby I'm pregnant with now wouldn't be if I had not lost the other baby. My angel baby will be looking out for this baby. You have every right to grieve the loss of your baby. You may not having people to talk to in person but we're always here if you need to talk.
__________________ Adopted DD Maddy born 11/15/05 with us since 5/12/06 DS Christian born 10 wks early weighing 2 lbs 13 ozs 6/26/06 Angel baby 9/2005 @ 12 wks
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One year... (living child mentioned) 
