We have decided to go with open adoption. It seems like the best choice - but I am scared like crazy. Does the child really still think of the adoptive mother - like the mom? How much do birthmothers really interact? At times it just seems so weird and everyone I've talked to acts like it works out fine and its not a big deal. But I don't know if I'm that secure and I wonder do most people have my same fears in the beginning too - or is this telling me that maybe open adoption isn't for me?
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Proud mommy to 2 beautiful boys!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding."
Personally, if I was having so many reservations about open adoption, I would rethink my desire to pursue an open adoption. We have/had a semi open adoption. We met the bm and I send pics w/ an update every three months for the first year and once a year there after. That's what the bm wanted. Initially, she didn't want to meet us at all, but the sw spoke to her at length about that and she decided she did want to meet us. I actually met her twice, once when ds was placed with us and the second time when dh had returned from deployment--the bm wanted to meet him as well.
You need to do what's best for YOU. Don't feel guilty if you don't want to pursue an open adoption. I don't think it has anything to do with insecurity if you decide not to go the open route. I know that I never could do that. It's just not for me.
I would suggest maybe checking out other adoption boards and see what others have to say about open adoption. I go to BabyCenter, but there are many others.
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We just went through an open adoption. Our birthmom was 17 years old. Our daughter was one month old yesterday. We have a very open adoption with her and her mother. We did not think that we would feel that we wanted things so open until we met our birthmom. She is a WONDERFUL girl who wants to finish high school and go on to college. She has even given US gifts for our daughter! She knows we are mom and dad to Zoe, but we want Zoe to grow knowing how great her birthmom is to have given her a 2 parent home! It has worked out wonderful for us, but it is truly a personal thing. Good luck with your decision!!
Michelle
Mommy to ZOE GRACE brought to us by open adoption
__________________ Michelle (35)
DH (44)
First marriage for both 8-18-2001
Adoption Bound!!
Mommy to Zoe Grace, born on June 29th 2004 through the miracle of open adoption!!
I agree with Spooky...it is a decision that only you can make. If you are not comfortable with a total open adoption, then don't do it. Our daughter is 2 and we had gotten to know her birthmother for 4 months prior to her birth. After the birth, we never saw eachother again. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and then exchanged pictures/letters for about a year. After that, the birthmother never contacted us. I think she had to get on with her life and I respect that. So, our situation would be considered semi-open adoption.
My point is that you don't really have to label it just yet...do you? Why not wait until a situation becomes available and see how it goes.
I come to this with a different perspective. I am a birth mother.
When my son was born, his new parents and both sets of his new grandparents were at the hospital. His new mother stayed with me nightly. She changed his diapers and got up with him when he cried at night. The only intrusion I allowed from me was that I chose to breastfeed for my son's sake. It was extremely painful knowing that the bonding that was occuring was going to end in a matter of days. But the reason I chose adoption in the first place was for his sake not mine. (Mind you I was in my late 20's with a 7 yr old son so this colored my view considerably.)
At the end of the week, we all parted ways. We have kept in touch with each other through letters and visits. They come to my town. I would never want to intrude into theirs. The entire family knows that I am here should they need me. Just as I know that if I just had to see him for some reason, I know they would allow it.
I guess for me it would be a matter of why the birthmom is choosing to give her child up for adoption. Is it for selfless or selfish reasons? I would be wary of any bm who has not logically and rationally considered the life of her child over her own.
Good luck and God bless! Adoption is a wonderful option. Thank you for considering it.
Oh Redhair, thank you so much for your perspective. God bless you and your selfless decision for your child. I pray to meet someone just like you in my near future!
Open Adoption ?'s 
