cdcm

Hi there...

I've been working really hard to focus on the postives in my life. And I'm the type of person that if you're negative all the time... we won't be hanging out. I'm not talking about having a bad moment or hard time with something... I mean... everytime you see a woman you point out something awful... basically if you have to say something crappy about someone to feel good about yourself (does that really work?) You actually wish ill will on others... Then we won't be hanging out...

That said... What do you do when the person that does that all the time you are related to... either by blood or marriage. I don't want to start a family war.... but I'm sick of being around it...

I've recently just started cutting myself off from UNECESSARY contact... that's helping... but what about Christmas... Thanksgiving... the handful of people I'm concerned about will ALWAYS be there... and they feel quite free to say mean spirited snotty things all the time... It's so bad that I'm overwhelming prepared (for lack of a better word) that my time is probably going to be ruined somehow... and that seems like giving them WAY to much power.

How do you roll that off your back?

Are there things to say to just end the comments? Without starting a fight? I'm actually quite quick with the tongue... I usually can get a person to shut up... but there will be tension... so that's no fun!

I would like to hear any tool you have to offer ...

Thank you!

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C

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kittykisses

Well, I'm lucky. My relatives (in-laws) never say anything negative to me and not too much about others either.

I used to have a friend that was a very negative person. She constantly complained about her own life and the lifestyles and "attitudes" of others. I guess she is still that way, but we are no longer friends. I couldn't take it anymore.

I say ignore what you can. Avoid what you can and otherwise just stay out of the conversations.

Mjoy

I have this problem too with someone I'm related to by marriage. I'm not sure what you can do, but I did have one idea. What about telling your family (specifically those people) about your mission to eliminate negativity from your life? That way, when they start in, you can excuse yourself or lightheartedly tell them that they are bringing down your positive outlook.

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mommyof2QTies

Great idea Mjoy. Sometimes people don't even realize that they are being so negative. What if you mentioned to this relative how you have a 'friend' that's so negative & ask them for advice on what he/she would do. Maybe this subtle hint might inspire them to be a little more positive. Or..... you can always get him/her the book The Secret for Christmas. :o)

acoustic_kitty

My best advice would either be, to say something witty that will get them to actually THINK about how nasty they sound, and to just accept that people are the way they are, and you can't change it.

When I start getting irked with my family, I try to to remember the serenity prayer. I'm not religoius or anything, but I can't help but find myself repeating this mantra when in situations with unpleasant people.

Mjoy

Me too- it's my favorite and I really try to keep it at the front of my mind.

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Mary626

I know exactly what you're talking about. I try to do the same thing - eliminate negative people from my life. Life is too short to be dragged down so quickly by others. Unfortunately I can't eliminate all the negativity from my life... for me it's my co-workers! One of them is the most depressing, negative complainy person ever. I used to enjoy working.... then i started feeling bummed out and not wanting to go to work, and i realized it was because of this person.. once i realized it, things got a little better and i just tried to minimize contact with that person as much as possible..

i'm guessing you're a very empathetic person and pick up on the vibes from the people around you, it can be a hard trait to have, but ultimately a good one!! goodluck in your efforts to surround yourself with positive things

junior_j

This thread has givin me some idea's!
Jess x

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